The last time we checked in on the skinny revolving door that is Leonardo DiCaprio’s dating life, Jack Nicholson Jr. was supposedly getting with bikini model Nina Agdal. Nina got to tag along with Leo and his life intern, Lukas Haas, on a trip to Mexico a few weeks ago. Well, it sounds like another blonde bikini model walked a little too close to Leo and got caught in his gravitational manwhore pull.
“Why are you using your mouth to speak words I don’t care about when you should be using that mouth to kiss my ass for paying for this luxurious trip!?” – Pussy Posse (I can’t call them the Wolf Pack) leader Leonardo DiCaprio to his bro-in-waiting Lukas Haas, probably.
Donald Trump made Oklahoma attorney general Scott Pruitt, who’s a climate change denier, the head of the Environmental Protection Agency, so yeah, he probably still believes that those pictures of malnourished polar bears are just Chinese actors in malnourished polar bear costumes posing on a studio set in China. But because Jabba the Trump is a star fucker who also really loves getting his dirt star kissed by celebrities, he met with the savior to the environment Leonardo DiCaprio at Trump Tower yesterday. Yes, our future overlord met with Luke from Growing Pains (his greatest role, honestly) about climate change, and he’s also staying on as the executive producer of the Celebrity Apprentice. That confirms it. When the clock struck 12:01 on January 1, 2016, we were also sucked into to an alternate universe.
The shady paycheck-analyzing bitches at Forbes have released their annual “Actors with too many undeserved dollars in their wallet” list (aka Hollywood’s Most Overpaid Actors of 2016). For the second year in a row, Johnny Depp has topped the list.
Forbes figured out the most overpaid actors like this:
Our rundown of Hollywood’s Most Overpaid Actors looked at the last three films each actor starred in before June 2016, save animated films, movies where the actor appeared in an insignificant role, or movies that were released on fewer than 2,000 screens.We then deducted the estimated production budget from the global box office for each film according to Box Office Mojo to come up with a limited definition of each movie’s operating income. We took the total operating income from the star’s three most recent significant films then divided by the star’s estimated pay for those films to come up with a final return on investment number.
Math isn’t my strongest brain function, so I’m taking Forbes’ word for it.
“Pussy Posse Alpha” doesn’t just sound like a sorority house on the campus of Hoochie U, it’s also apparently something that Tobey Maguire might become. Tobey Maguire was one of the original member’s of Leonardo DiCaprio’s Pussy Posse (rebranded in recent years as “The Wolf Pack“). Sadly, he had to give up the model-humping lifestyle when he got married and had kids. Last month, Tobey Maguire split from his wife Jennifer Meyer, and of course he slipped right back into the Pussy Posse’s regular routine of partying and pussy-hunting.
As it turns out, Tobey might soon be more than just a member of Leo’s boys club. According to Page Six, Tobey could be THE KING! This is some manwhore Hamlet shit. A source claims that the rest of the posse sees there’s a potential spot open as the alpha douche now that Leo is busy with steady model piece, Nina Agdal. I guess Lukas Haas asked the rest of the Pussy Posse who they think should lead the group, and apparently they want Tobey. The source says, “The Wolf Pack [is] now using Tobey as Leo.” I hope Tobey doesn’t get the boat barfs, because he’s about to spend all his free time on a yacht in the middle of the ocean. Lukas might want to start running motion sickness drills with him right now.
Tobey bought a huge new house last week, and I thought that seemed a little weird for a bachelor pad, but now it all makes sense. Tobey was just settling into his role as the new Leo. He obviously needed some extra room to accommodate the dozens of panty models he’d be bringing home from Paris on the Pussy Posse’s private jet after the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show next week.
Yesterday, Tobey Maguire and his wife Jennifer Meyer announced that they’re done being a couple after 9 years of marriage. In their statement, they said that they came to that decision after doing a lot of “soul searching.” And according to Page Six, Tobey may have also been doing a lot of “hole searching” in the past few months while hitting up the clubs with the Pussy Posse (I still refuse to call them the Wolf Pack). 2016 has been chock-full of weirdness and that includes us gossiping about the adventures of Tobey Maguire’s dick.