I’m sorry, Armie, but you’re much too old and not enough of a lingerie model for Leo.
Kinky bitch Armie Hammer (who I always want to call “Arm & Hammer” because I’m sure he hasn’t heard that before) appeared on Watch What Happens Live. Host Andy Cohen asked him a series of questions about the movie J. Edgar. Armie played Clyde Tolson in the film, who was famed FBI director and glass closet inventor J. Edgar Hoover’s secret lover. Leonardo DiCaprio played J. Edgar Hoover, and they make out in the movie. (You can watch a really poor version of that scene here.) Of course, that’s what all of Andy’s questions were about.
Andy gave us the Real Housewives franchise, so he has little to no shame. He asked Armie whether he popped wood when he and Leo were making out. Despite the absence of rope or ball-gags, the answer was a nod and a definite “yes!” We need more upfront celebs like Armie. He’s into BDSM and possibly bisexual and doesn’t care if you know about it. Although, when it comes to the kinky stuff, I’m not sure he realized people can see what you “like” on Twitter.
You can watch that part of the interview here:
Model devourer and “Pussy Posse” elder statesman, Leonardo DiCaprio, attended the amfAR gala at Cannes on Thursday. Fellow guest and desolate-eyed model, Bella Hadid, was photographed speaking with him while having placed one hand on his shoulder. This is celebrity gossip, so that means they’re totally fucking.
Victoria’s Secret and Sports Illustrated model Nina Agdal turned 25 on March 26, 2017. And 25 is usually the expiration date for Leonardo’s girlfriends. So I’m sure Nina was starting to get that old lady smell about her and 42-year-old Leonardo DiCaprio just had to toss her before he really got grossed out from seeing a wrinkle on her face or from watching her spend an hour trying to open a Werther’s Original. I mean, Leo’s no granny fucker!
The last time we checked in on the skinny revolving door that is Leonardo DiCaprio’s dating life, Jack Nicholson Jr. was supposedly getting with bikini model Nina Agdal. Nina got to tag along with Leo and his life intern, Lukas Haas, on a trip to Mexico a few weeks ago. Well, it sounds like another blonde bikini model walked a little too close to Leo and got caught in his gravitational manwhore pull.
“Why are you using your mouth to speak words I don’t care about when you should be using that mouth to kiss my ass for paying for this luxurious trip!?” – Pussy Posse (I can’t call them the Wolf Pack) leader Leonardo DiCaprio to his bro-in-waiting Lukas Haas, probably.
Donald Trump made Oklahoma attorney general Scott Pruitt, who’s a climate change denier, the head of the Environmental Protection Agency, so yeah, he probably still believes that those pictures of malnourished polar bears are just Chinese actors in malnourished polar bear costumes posing on a studio set in China. But because Jabba the Trump is a star fucker who also really loves getting his dirt star kissed by celebrities, he met with the savior to the environment Leonardo DiCaprio at Trump Tower yesterday. Yes, our future overlord met with Luke from Growing Pains (his greatest role, honestly) about climate change, and he’s also staying on as the executive producer of the Celebrity Apprentice. That confirms it. When the clock struck 12:01 on January 1, 2016, we were also sucked into to an alternate universe.