I can picture it now. A panicked Leonardo DiCaprio runs down into the lower deck of the S.S. Snatch Catcher and throws his Oscar at his forever life intern Lukas Haas. “HIDE THIS! They can come for my money, they can come for my panty models, but they can never take my precious!!”
Earlier this summer, Leonardo DiCaprio’s name popped up in the news in a bad way. No, it wasn’t because everyone on his yacht got food poisoning after Jonah Hill sneezed on the on-boat buffet. It’s actually way more serious than that, and it could cost him some dollars in his bank account.
The world is crumbling down and there’s uncertainty all around us, but at least some things to stay the same, like Leonardo DiCatchAHo stays putting his mouth on the face of a 20-something blond Victoria’s Secret model.
41-year-old Leonardo and 24-year-old Dutch model Nina Agdal reportedly bumped down-low parts a couple of years ago, but proving that he’s the greatest environmentalist of our time, he recycled by hanging out with her again in May. Since then, they were seen together in Montauk, NY and they vacationed together in the Bahamas. And today The Daily Mail posted EXCLUSIVO pictures of Leo either kissing Nina’s face or giving her CPR after she passed out due to boredom from listening to him talk about his soulmate (Oscar) in detail again while hanging out in Malibu, CA yesterday.
— YEGOB (@Yegobdotcom) July 15, 2016
Some source tells E! News that they’re definitely a thing, but Nina’s heart is still raw and fragile from her last break-up and she hopes that Leo won’t hurt her:
“They are dating. She really likes him and hopes she doesn’t get hurt. They have great chemistry and laugh a lot. She just got out of a very serious relationship so she is just trying to not rush into anything to serious this summer but when Nina falls for a guy, she really falls.”
Nina really has nothing to worry about! I’m sure that Leonardo will never do her wrong and they’ll get married, have children and in 40 years, the paparazzi will be taking pictures of him kissing her on the beach in Malibu as their grandchildren play around them. Or as soon as Leonardo sees a wrinkle growing on Nina’s face, he’ll do the gentlemanly thing and give her 1 hour to move her shit out of his house while he calls Victoria’s Secret to tell them to send over a new one. Either or!
This particular People cover doesn’t have anything to do with this post. I just want to know Kimmy Gibbler’s secrets now.
Following in the legendary footsteps of Arnetta the Moodsetta and the safety slide-utilizing Jet Blue flight attendant, People magazine reporter Sara Hammel quit her gig by spilling the tea on the magazine (and a couple of celebrities) in an e-mail blast on Monday.
Hammel’s resignation snatched at the wigs belonging to George Clooney, Jennifer Lopez and an unnamed Hollywood A-Lister who was such a perv to her that she wanted to stab him in the balls with her reportin’ pen. She also noted that Lt. Olivia Benson (the celebrity not the cat) rivals Claire Danes when it comes to the ugly-cry.
“Really? Me? As a Persian man? We think this is a good idea?” is what it looks like Leonardo DiCaprio is thinking in that picture above.
Because Hollywood clearly hasn’t learned anything from that time they cast Rooney Mara as Tiger Lily , or Rooney Mara as Mary Magdalene, or Joaquin Phoenix as Jesus, or Emma Stone was cast as Allison Ng, or Tilda Swinton as The Ancient One, Leonardo DiCaprio is being considered to play Persian poet Jalal ad-Din Muhammad Rumi (or simply Rumi) in an upcoming biopic. Yes, that Leonardo DiCaprio. The one you’re looking at above.
Leonardo DiCaprio, seen above trying his best to sneak out of a club incognito (sorry Leo, but that scraggly bro beard will always give you away), was out with a few ladies in New York last night. One of them was Leo’s current favorite party friend, Rihanna. The other was a blonde model (shocking, I know), but it wasn’t the blonde model named Ela Kawalec that he was supposedly doing as of last week, and it wasn’t the blonde named Roxy Horner that he was allegedly doing last month. It was actually a blast from Leo’s nut-busting past, Nina Agdal.
Nobody knows if it was on purpose or by accident that Leonardo was at the same club with RiRi and Nina. TMZ says they were all there at the same time, which means there’s a chance RiRi and Nina were the only ones who were kind enough to show up after receiving a mass text that said: “Yo, boo boos, who wants 2 get drunk with their Oscar-winning friend Leo!?” Then again, it could all be a coincidence that he was seen at the same club as Nina Agdal. Considering just how many model vaginas Leo’s penis has been inside, his chances of being at the same club as a model he’s already had sex with are probably pretty high.
I know people recently started to doubt Leo’s commitment to saving the earth after it was revealed that he had taken a private jet to accept an environmental award. But he’s obviously extremely dedicated to a green lifestyle since it appears that he might be recycling models. And I bet that if they were actually at the club together and she did end up back at his place, Leo would have sent her home the next morning in a zero-emissions rickshaw pulled by Lukas Haas. So there!
Here’s more of Leo, Nina, and RiRi leaving the club at different times last night. I wish I could tell you why Rihanna is wearing the contents of a yard sale put on by a grandmother and her grandson, but I don’t have an answer for that.
We all know how much the president of the Pussy Posse (or The Wolf Pack, or whatever the hell they’re calling themselves these days), Leonardo DiCaprio, loves the environment. He loves it so much that he talked about it during his Oscar speech. Which is surprising knowing how bad he’s wanted one. I thought he’d go up there and jump and yell and say “I GOT IT! I FINALLY GOT IT! FUCK YOU ALL!” Well, he might love saving the environment more than he loves brand new blonde skinny model vagina, but some have labeled his ass a hypocrite.
UsWeekly tells us that Leo was given an award honoring his environmental work on Wednesday at the Riverkeeper Fisherman’s Ball in NYC. Ralph Lauren was also honored. I have no idea what the fuck the Riverkeeper Fisherman’s Ball is but it sounds like something out of the goddamned Lord of the Rings shire hobbit whatever. Did Leo and Ralph have to bow to each other and then dance the May Dance around the maypole before the Festival Fairy Queen gave them each a kiss, thus making them men forever, never to have to live in the river as frogs again?
Irish fairytale ceremony aside, Riverkeeper is a charity for rivers and keeping them clean. Leo is getting flack because he took a private jet to receive the award. And then took another private flight the next day to make it to the amFAR gala in Cannes. People aren’t even bothering with side eyes, they’re just looking directly at him and saying “this bitch.” Were I Alanis Morissette I’d say this situation was ironic. Sadly, I’m not, but I still will. Nothing screams environmental hero like taking two private flights in two days. Leo has a history with luxury machinery. During the last World Cup he rented the world fifth largest yacht to chill and crush muff on.
His rep, when reached for comment, said:
He was asked to speak at both Riverkeeper and amfAR events, but the only way to attend the two fundraisers was to hitch a ride with flights that were already planned. Leo helped both events raise millions, donated his own funds, auctioned off his house and had speaking roles in both programs.
See, Leo haters, he hitched a ride, so he basically plane-pooled. And yes, he probably plane-pooled just so they could use the private jet carpool lane in the sky, but he still cares and is still a Savior to the Environment!