Just kidding, Witness already did that!
Page Six notes that drag queen and former DWV member Vicky Vox provided a CVS length of receipts on Tuesday night by claiming on Twitter a certain pop star was Cheap-o the Clown (oddly, that’s not the desired look pictured above!) when it came to her music video budget. According to Vicky, the singer’s team wanted a few drag queens to do a 2-day shoot fo’ free and be paid in “exposure.” But sadly, that doesn’t pay off a good ol’ gaycation.
I guess it’s safe to call 2013 the year that true love died; so much dust has been bitten in the past 12 months, it’s like The Grim Reaper of Relationships opened an all-you-can-eat dust buffet (I’d like to think Tan Mom’s split was the dusty hand-carved roast beef of the buffet. And yes, I have NO idea what that means). But the Grim Reaper proved he wasn’t full from 28 plates of boring hetero relationships and decided on drag queens for dessert. WASN’T MADONNA AND BABY BRAHIM ENOUGH FOR YOU?!?
According to People, it’s time to throw on some latex gloves and wheel another relationship into the morgue, because Sharon Needles (The First Lady of Nightmares) and Alaska (Most Likely To Be Mistaken For A Drowsy Tori Spelling) took their relationship to the Interior Illusions Lounge, let it polish off 12-14 Absolut cocktails, and fall asleep into a pool of its own vomit, because it’s officially dead:
Needles, who won season 4 of the show, and Alaska, who was a runner up the following season, announced their breakup “on good terms” in a tongue-in-cheek press release, and included their wish “to clarify their intentions to admirers who may question the reason behind this mutual decision not to continue their relationship.”
“The survival of our partnership relies on simply changing the word ‘boy’ in boyfriend to ‘best,'” Needles says. “And because of my severe vanity, I’d like to keep my social media as a place dedicated to my art, and not a place to talk about my personal life.”
“RuPaul once said that people come into our lives for different reasons for different intervals of time,” says Needles of her relationship, which began when they met in Pittsburgh. “I will treasure the four years we had together.”
Sharon, help me lift this heavy box filled with oh, puh-lease. Post-breakup, everyone acts all Oprah’s Next Chapter-level zen until you run into your ex a week later at the mall getting a fucking Wetzel’s Pretzles with some trick-ass ho, and then you find yourself in the parking lot keying ‘YOU COULDN’T WAIT TILL MY CORPSE WAS COLD BEFORE YOU FUCKED ALL OVER MY GRAVE?!?’ on the hood of their car. I mean…not that I know from experience. Sharon, I have..uh..a friend who thinks you should avoid the mall for the next couple months.
(Pic via Tumblr)
At last night’s American Music Awards, Xtina gave all of us a day off from looking at her nasty heavy flow day weave and wore a wig she snatched right off of the head of Raven from RuPaul’s Drag Race. Raven can now write that wig off as a charitable donation since she’s helping those less fortunate. While I’m happy that somebody finally threw a maxi-pad on Xtina’s period hair and got rid of it, I’m still trying to figure out what’s happening to her ass in those pictures below.
Should I expect CNN to report the extinction of butt pads, because Xtina bought and wore all of them to the AMAs last night? Did Cee Lo Green try to sneak into the AMAs by hiding in the back of bitch’s dress? I know Xtina’s got a big ass, but that dress is doing weird things to it. It’s make her look a hormone-fed chicken in amateur drag. This is some Foster Farms pin-up shit.
Xtina also performed and the only reason to press play is for the gay pride explosion at the end:
My ears will never be the same after listening to Xtina sound like a banshee getting attacked with a chainsaw, but at least she gave us a queen with earthquake titties (at the 3:39 mark). So there’s that.
OMG, pleeeease let this be true!! According to TMZ, an ex Kardashian nanny is currently shopping around a tell-all book about her years
in hell in the Jenner/Kartrashian household. She reportedly dishes on the boys, Brandon Jenner and whats-his-name (that other Dancing with SARS one), and talks about what rude entitled brats they are. She goes on to talk shit about the girls, and I hope she spills details juicier than Kim’s XXXXL ass.
Hopefully, she won’t cover all the old angles we already know and hate them for, such as the sex tape, underage pole dancing, Pimp Mama Kris’s infidelity, Scott’s womanizer serial killer face and their general knack for making money off of being no-talent slags. I want some new dirt dammit, like Khloe shaves with sheep shears and Kim cries her mascara off every night (looks like this) because she blew it with Reggie for leaking her dirty ho ass-gulping tape with Ray J.
Some people may knock her for violating common decency and her contract of silence, but I’m on team MAKE THAT MONEY GIRLFRIEND. I mean, WWKKD? Exactly.
Thank you PSL!!
Overseas they always gets the best (see: fuckingweirdest) commercials starring celebrities and this one for Schweppes in France starring Uma Karuna Thurman is no exception. Uma lays the sedated sexiness on so thick that she’s a hairless twink pool boy and a lace hand fan away from being an old Asian queen. Or Kunty Karl shortly after he takes in the soul of a chocolate bar with his nostrils.
The makers of The Kissing Box will realize they have just found the celebrity mouth of their product when they watch Uma awkwardly drink from that glass bottle like a porn star deep throating a rubber dildo. It’s very, “I am only doing this because they tell me it looks sexy but no part of me enjoys this.”
When I first read Cynthia Nixon’s name on the list of celebrities attending the White House Correspondents’ Dinner, I immediately rubbed a layer of SPF 10 million over my eyes to prepare them for the vision of the glorious Rojo Caliente in a custom made white tuxedo from the GOD collection at Men’s Warehouse. Well, I nearly blinded myself for no reason, because it doesn’t look like Rojo Caliente was even there. Oh, Rojo continues to elude me like proper grammar.
Doesn’t Rojo know that Obama only agreed to show up because he wanted to witness her beauty for himself? Sigh. Even though Rojo was not there to dazzle Obama’s soul, he still managed to perform. Here he is throwing ZINGS and SNAPS left and fucking right:
UPDATE: Forget everything I said above, because Rojo Caliente was there. AND HOW!
Doesn’t Rojo look sharp as all fuck? Rojo looks like she’s about to tap dance off walls and shit! How is that frosty beverage she’s holding not bubbling over? It’s the luckiest glass in the world. I’ve never wanted to spoon with a glass until now.
And here’s some celebrities who were invited to last night’s dinner for whatever reason. Don’t ask me how some (Michelle Obama and Betty White not included) of these hos got an invitation. Most of them don’t even belong at the White Castle Correspondents’ Dinner let alone the White House Correspondents’ Dinner.
In order: a future People Magazine “I’m a lesbian” cover fetus, some drag queen, Jessica Simpson with Gabourey Sidibe, Patricia Arquette (looking dreadful) with Wendie Malick (ditto) , the Jonas Brothers, Donatella Versace, ScarJo with her twin brother, the Tasmanian Devil, MiserAlba with her husband, BETTY WHITE and Michelle Obama.