Since it’s Thanksgiving and most of us here at Dlisted are going to spend the rest of the day making our stomachs and bowels sing “AH’M BEGGING FOR YOU MER-SAAAAAY!” by shoving pounds of meat into our face holes like we’re a power bottom at a pass around Patty orgy, we’re pressing pause on our regularly scheduled programming of foolery today. But I will leave you with the Empress of the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, Diana Ross, waving to her subjects while wearing the carcass of a Yeti. Diana also performed and proved that her voice is so powerful that she doesn’t need a stupid mic to fill the land with it, and she is such a talented goddess that she can sing without even moving her lips!
Last night’s American Music Awards were a mixed bag of awards show spectacle that ranged from awkward messiness (see: everyone’s faces while Christina tried) and bold showmanship (see: the dong-shaped catwalk). But the queen of the evening was the legendary Miss Diana Ross, who was honored with a Lifetime Achievement Award. And of course she went above and beyond for the occasion.
Diana Ross is a capital-L legend, and legends like her don’t need to do their own shopping. They should just sit on their nicest velvet chaise and summon their best assistant to retrieve it for them. But Diana Ross does do her own shopping. While looking for a picture of Diana Ross, I found many of her out and about, running her own errands and carrying her own bags I’m still recovering from such a shock to my system). Apparently even wealthy diva legends enjoy a good discount department store bargain hunt.
According to Page Six, Diana Ross was shopping for a gift over the weekend in Los Angeles, which led her to a local Marshalls. At one point during her trip, Diana lost her fanny pack somewhere in the store. A Good Samaritan found it, and rather than keeping it as a souvenir or trying to sell it on eBay as a million-dollar collectable art piece, they turned it in. She was so thankful for her shopping angell (two Ls because they’re double the blessing).
Thank U to the Angell I lost my fanny pack in Marshall’s in LA on Olympic & someone turned it in,What a blessing
— Ms. Ross (@DianaRoss) November 11, 2017
Almost everyone comes out a winner in this story: Diana for getting her precious fanny pack back, the kind soul who returned it and Marshalls for the good publicity. The only loser is the marketing executives at Ross who are no doubt supremely pissed off that Diana wasn’t caught shopping for deals in one of their stores. Do You Know Where Diana Ross Goes To Dress for Less? would have been a great campaign.
But why is Diana Ross still using a fanny pack? I shouldn’t be such a hater. It’s probably so she can keep her hands free while she scoops up $29.99 crystal-look vases with one hand and on-trend jewel-toned sweaters with the other. That’s just smart shopping.
The Simpson and Ross families are now bound together forever. This is the world we live in.
Ashlee Simpson must have been doing her latest pregnancy the Jessica Simpson way, because it felt like that baby was holed up in her womb for years. People says that baby finally decided to come out yesterday and remind Ashlee Simpson what her born nose looked like. Ashlee and her husband of almost a year Evan Ross (government name: Evan Olav Næss) are now parents to a baby girl. This baby is Ashlee’s second, Evan Ross’ first and Miss Ross’ third grandchild. There aren’t many details (and I know that gave you the frowns since you truly care about Ashlee Simpson’s life), but a source did tell People* that Ashlee was suffering from a case of acid-reflux, so she had to lip-synch all her screams and moans during labor.
We don’t know the baby’s name, because I’m sure Ashlee hasn’t found a tabloid who will pay for that news yet.
As all of us who keep up with fucked-up celebrity child names know, Ashlee and Pete Wentz named their now 6-year-old son Bronx Mowgli Wentz (BMW). So I hope Ashlee keeps with the whole “NYC borough, Rudyard Kipling character” theme by naming their daughter Queens Rikki-Tikki Ross.
Here’s Ashlee and Evan at Bed, Bath and Beyond a few days ago.
* That’s a lie.
It’s a week before Christmas and I’m sure you have a lot of crap to do, so don’t bruise your brain while trying to figure out what these three are wearing.
Ashlee Simpson and her pretty-faced husband of 3 months Evan Ross aren’t wasting any time. E! News says that the “singer” turned reality TV trick turned Melrose Place 2.0 “actress” turned (insert whatever she’s doing now because I have no clue) is knocked up with her second kid and Evan Ross’ first kid. Evan and Ashlee’s baby friend will be Diana Ross’ third grandchild. E! didn’t have any other info other than that and some words about children that Evan spilled into their ears at The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 1 premiere last month.
“I would like [having kids],” he said. “As many as possible!”
Ross added, “I got married, I have new music and I’m part of Hunger Games. It’s been a great year.” And to think, 2015 looks to be even more of a life-changer.
Bronx Mowgli, Asslee’s kid with Pete Wentz, is already 6 years old. I don’t think she’ll go with the NYC borough + Jungle Book character route when naming her second kid. She’ll probably go the L.A. neighborhood + Lion King character route. They’re going to name their kid Echo Park Zazu.
That kid will probably inherit Diana Ross’ fabulous gene and its mother’s impeccable lip-synching skills. That kid will win season 25 of RuPaul’s Drag Race. I’m calling it now.
And here’s Evan and Ashlee at the farmer’s market in Studio City a few days ago.
When I was younger, I wanted so badly to go to the mall and get some glamour shots taken. Sadly, we didn’t have a Glamour Shots®-brand photo studio in the mall closest to where I lived, and I wasn’t willing to settle for the sub-par Classy Clicks at the Sears portrait studio (it wasn’t actually called Classy Clicks, but I can assume it was some kind of lame-sounding Glamour Shots rip-off). So I never got to experience the sheer joy and soft-focus sophistication that comes from putting on a feather boa and gently caressing the right side of your face with your left hand in front of a Glamour Shots camera. I know, you’ll cry for me later, I’m sure.
Of course, that’s the sort of thing you never really get over, and seeing Diana Ross at the American Music Awards last night looking like a glamorous feather boa-wrapped beauty didn’t help. Look at her! She’s EXACTLY what I imagined my Glamour Shots shot would look like: those carefree curls, her chin resting delicately on her exposed shoulder, the coy look in her eyes that says “I’m classy, but also a lil’ sassy.” All that’s missing is a dusty mauve backdrop and a 60W incandescent light bulb illuminating her from behind.
In case you’re wondering why she was at the AMAs and not at home getting a 24k gold facial like she SHOULD be, it’s because she was hired to present Taylor Swift with the Dick Clark Award for Excellence. And no, she didn’t bounce one of Tay Tay’s tittes – we’re not that lucky.
Here’s more of Miss Diana Ross sashaying down the red carpet of the American Music Awards in a coat made from Archimedes’ relatives, as well as everyone else at the AMAs, including gorgeous humanoid Dencia, a silk-wrapped JLo, and Jessie J, who looks like a very fancy makeup consultant: