Those Russo Brothers are really trying to come for Taron Egerton‘s newly given Hetero Ally King Of Gays-crown, because they are trying to get in with us LGBTQs good. First they put that TRAILBLAZING homosexual character in Avengers: Endgame– played by Joe Russo himself–but now he and his brother Anthony Russo are letting us know that one of the Marvel superheroes we already know will be coming out as a huge gay “soon”. Get those rainbow cakes and angry homophobic tweets ready!
“Avengers: Endgame” Introduces First Openly Gay Character (Not Really) And It’s Going To Make Zillions At The Box Office (Duh)
I am exhausted this morning because I was up until 2 watching Avengers: Endgame. Listen: it’s three full hours. Full hours. Three of them. AmazinglyI managed not to have to get up and pee during it–still don’t know how. A lot of things happen over the course of those 183 minutes., including the first openly gay character in a Marvel movie. But don’t get a boner over it, it’s a bit part.
God bless ya if you’ve been able to keep up with all the fucking Avengers running around here these days. Just looking at the poster for the upcoming Avengers: Endgame movie takes so much concentration. I keep thinking I’m supposed to eventually see a sailboat or some shit. It’s a mess, and it gives me a throbbing, Thanos’ dick-sized migraine. But the poster isn’t nearly as much of a mess as the red carpet for last night’s premiere of Avengers: Endgame: Too Many Spidermen. Not only was every Groot, Korg and Kraglin Obfonteri from the movies there, all the Marvel universe TV characters were there too. It must have been the least exclusive guest list to hit Hollywood since the premiere of Gotti. I mean, they even let Colin Jost in!
Being a part of the world’s biggest movie franchise can cause one to become irritable with the lessers. An example of this comes to us from Collider reporter Stephen Weintraub on Twitter. Most of you own a TV in addition to basic cable so you know that Avengers: Infinity War comes out on Friday because the ad runs 500 damn times a day and it’s made even THIS hardcore comic book geek sick of their cinematic universe. Apparently one of the cast members is feeling that way, too. Stephen interviewed some of the cast members and left wishing that one of them would eat something featuring romaine lettuce in a Yuma, Arizona-located restaurant. Continue reading
Almost every one of The Avengers that matters (sorry Hawkeye) has gotten their own stand-alone film, sometimes multiples. How many Iron Mans are we up to now? 13? Captain America got one, so did Thor, but not Black Widow.
The trailer for the upcoming Avengers: Infinity War is out and I’m confused. I’m not a comic book person but I am an American so I feel contractually obligated to see some of these Marvel movies. And I do! I saw the Captain America one where Cap had a tiny golem body for a minute, I’ve seen at least two Iron Mans, I saw one where everyone was all “look at how cute Spiderman’s butt is” and one where they didn’t say that. I saw the weird beard Asian wizard one and I think I’ve seen the first two Avengers movies but honestly I can’t be sure. I can no longer keep track! There are too many GD avengers!
I think the first line says it all. “There was an idea”. And then there was another one. And another one after that. And Another one soon followed. Pretty soon you have all these ideas pinging around, confusing old people like me who just want to live their lives in relative peace but keep going to see these movies so that the world doesn’t pass us by. I don’t want to turn into my mom who used to be baffled each time a new season of Survivor started and scream, “Who the fuck are all these people!?”.
But, that ship has sailed and so I ask, who the fuck are all these people? Who is the guy with the glowy forehead thing? Is this a A Beautiful Mind crossover? Who is the pink giant that looks like an enormous stubbed toe? Which Olsen twin is that? Why are the bugs from Starship Troopers in there? Lord, I’m going to have to accept that I can no longer keep up and resign myself to being old and out of touch. Advantage: Avengers.