Category: Angelyne

Sour Grapes! Caitlyn Jenner Says “You Get What You Deserve” After Losing Her Bid To Replace Gavin Newsom As Governor Of California

September 15, 2021 / Posted by:

Even though California narrowly avoided (further) international embarrassment by voting NO to recalling Gavin Newsom as Governor, if you bought one of those Caitlyn For California beer koozies, you might want to hang on to it just the same. It could be worth something one day! Probably significantly less than what you paid for it, sure, but I could see someone picking one up at a thrift shop for $1.10, which is the same percentage of people who voted for Caitlyn Jenner, as a gag gift for that special person in your life that you actually can’t stand. I mean, Cait’s probably going to be getting them as stocking-stuffers from her family for many years to come!

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Open Post: Hosted By Emmy Rossum In Motion As The Flawless Hot Pink Diamond That Is Angelyne!

April 16, 2020 / Posted by:

Over two years ago, Hollywood let us know that they were finally doing something right for once by greenlighting an eight-episode series about the official blossom of Los Angeles, billboard queen Angelyne. Emmy Rossum and her husband Sam Esmail, who created Mr. Robot, bought the TV rights to The Hollywood Reporter’s investigative story about Angelyne’s journey from Polish refugee and daughter of Holocaust survivors to Los Angeles’ one-woman beautification board who singlehandedly made the city the most gorgeous place in the country with her billboards. Emmy Rossum took on the role of Angelyne in the unauthorized bio-series. And I say, “unauthorized,” because Angelyne, who took a hot pink shit on THR’s story and called it fiction, also took a hot pink shit on Emmy’s series, at first.

But eventually, the real Angelyne gave her hot pink stamp of approval and joined the show as an executive producer. That means producers probably stuffed a big enough wad of cash between her all-natural chichis of luscious perfection. An extremely fair and reasonable price for Angelyne’s approval is 98% of whatever the show’s budget is. So I figured that all of the show’s scenes would be shot in Emmy and Sam’s garage, the pink Corvette would be an old Barbie car bought at a yard sale, her costume would consist of an off-brand Elly Mae Clampett wig from Wish and the one hot pink dress she owns, and the other roles would be played by a mannequin and her dog. But it looks like they made that 2% stretch more than Angelyne’s angelic titty balls in a Spandex dress.

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Open Post: Hosted By Emmy Rossum As One Of History’s Most Gorgeous Goddesses

January 8, 2020 / Posted by:

“One of history’s most gorgeous goddesses is an unauthorized fly catching Holly Madison mannequin from Amazon called Sexy Blond Silly Rabbitmate Fly Catcher?” – you.

But the tenth Muse (and the only Muse that matters) that Emmy Rossum is supposed to be is the official flower of Hollywood and Forever Billboard Queen, Angelyne. Over two years ago, Hollywood decided to take a quick three-second break from rebooting everything to play genie and grant us the wish of an Angelyne TV series. My idea of the perfect Angelyne TV series would be ten seasons and one hundred 60-minute episodes of the real Angelyne doing nothing but striking scalding hot poses in front of her flawless hot pink chariot as she throws evil glares at lessers who dare ask her for a picture without handing her $350 first (you got to pay to pose with perfection). But the Angelyne TV series we’re getting is scripted and is coming to us from Emmy and her Mr. Robot-creating husband Sam Esmail. And as production is about to start, Emmy Rossum shared the first picture of her in Angelyne drag, and well, if they gave preemptive Emmys for the category of You Tried, then Emmy just won it.

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Hollywood Is FINALLY Giving Us The Angelyne TV Series We Need And Deserve

November 13, 2017 / Posted by:

Because of the billions upon billions of stories from people who have been preyed on by powerful trash men, Hollywood as we know it is burning down to the ground. And lurking in the smoke and flames is Hollywood’s future: ANGELYNE!

My headline is a bit misleading (What else is new?), because when I think of an “Angelyne TV series,” I prolapse from butt orgasming over the thought of an Angelyne reality show starring Angelyne. This isn’t a reality show and it’s not going to star Angelyne herself. It’ll be a scripted limited-series starring Emmy Rossum and it’ll be based on The Hollywood Reporter’s riveting tale of Angelyne’s transformation from Polish refugee to the candy-dipped Queen of Los Angeles. Hey, I’ll take an Angelyne TV series anyway it comes.

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Open Post: Hosted By Way Too Much Beauty, Glamour And Gentility For One Post

August 17, 2016 / Posted by:

You probably aren’t reading this, because you’re at the Geek Squad to get your computer fixed after it shut down and farted up a giant smoke cloud. I know that usually happens when you come to this skank site, but it happened this time because no machine can take the high-octane dual elegance of Angelique “Frenchy” Morgan and the pink crown jewel of Hollywood that is Angelyne!

The two pink swans joined forces in Malibu, CA yesterday to grace their loyal subjects (aka the paparazzi) with their demure presence. While wearing the uniform of the highest-paid truck stop hooker in Central Florida, Frenchy tried to keep up with Angelyne’s pose game. Frenchy gave it her all, but almost no one can come close to bringing it like the adult Hugga Bunch doll can. In fact, sources (that live in my head) told me that Angelyne’s hot pink chariot of perfection didn’t get busted from an accident. The bumper fell out as soon as Angelyne’s exquisite flamingo leg went up. Even Angelyne’s own car can’t take her hot moves.

Pics: Wenn.com

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Open Post: Hosted By The Hot Pink Chariot Of Elegance That Angelyne Is Selling On eBay

July 1, 2016 / Posted by:

I’m on vacation in Pair-ree right now and I haven’t been to the Louvre yet (because I hate myself, but I don’t hate myself enough to stand in that line), but if I go, I plan to immediately ask to speak to the “manager.” I’m going to take the manager to a private corner and whisper in their ear that I have a hot art tip for them that’ll make them the envy of every museum in the world! I will tell the “manager” that a highly important work of art and historic artifact is up for auction. Once I tell them that Angelyne is selling one of her priceless hot pink chariots, I will fall back out of shock if the manager doesn’t wink at me while saying that they’re already on it.

The forever-reigning Queen of Los Angeles, who for years made the city a much more glamorous place with her billboards, is graciously offering up one of her beautiful chariots to us, the peasants. L.A. Weekly says that the stunning love child of an anime doll and a hot pink peony is selling one of the pink Corvettes that blows pink glitters out of its exhaust pipes when she drives around while surveying her land. She also uses her Corvette to sell Angelyne merchandise to her subjects out of her trunk.

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