Wade Robson Claims Michael Jackson Molested Him

Choreographer Wade Robson,  who’s worked with Brit Brit and ‘N Sync, has thrown a lawsuit at the Michael Jackson Estate claiming that Michael Jackson child touched him when they spent time together at Neverland Ranch. During Michael Jackson’s molestation trial in 2005, Wade testified that MJ never touched him. During that same trial, MJ’s housekeeper at the time testified that she caught him and Wade showering together once. I was going to scream ESCANDALO, but sadly, this isn’t escandaloso at all.

TMZ says that 30-year-old Wade, who’s also a choreographer on So You Think You Can Dance, first met Michael Jackson when he was just 5 years old. Wade sort of became Michael Jackson’s protégée and he started sleeping at MJ’s houses including Neverland when he was 7 and he stopped sleeping over when he was 14. On May 1st, Wade’s lawyer filed a late creditor’s claim against the Michael Jackson Estate for a never-before filed sexual abuse complaint. The complaint is under seal, so none of the details of the case are available to public eyes.

Wade is asking for an unspecified amount in damages.

I don’t know what to think about this and reading the comments at TMZ didn’t help. They range from “Wade broke Britney and Justin up and now this!” (I’m not joking) to “The Michael Jackson Estate should sue him for slander!” to all sorts of other shit. Who knows what details are in that complaint, but I’m sure that as I’m typing this, Detective La Toya is crawling through the vents of the court house and will drop into the file room to get her leather-gloved hands on that file. Detective La Toya will get to the BOTTOM OF THIS AND EVERYTHING ELSE! (Or she’ll just say whatever the Jackson family lawyers tell her to say. Either or.)

TJ Jackson Wants Temporary Guardianship Of Michael Jackson’s Kids (UPDATE)

And it keeps getting messier. The executors of Michael Jackson’s Estate and his three kids, Prince, Paris and Blanket all want the court to give Tito’s son and the Hot Slut of my heart, TJ Jackson, temporary guardianship, because they believe that their aunties and uncles have kidnapped Katherine Jackson. Meanwhile, Katherine Jackson is far from the drama in Arizona and busy worrying about whether or not she’s going to beat Rebbie’s ass in a game of Uno.

TMZ says that 34-year-old TJ Jackson, who is married with two children, is having his lawyers put together the legal documents and he’s expected to file them any day now. Michael Jackson’s Estate and MJ’s kids all want TJ to take over as guardian until all this messy drama gets cleaned up. If it ever will (this is the Jackson family we’re talking about, it never will). All of this went down just hours after Janet Jackson went crazy on Paris Jackson by trying to snatch away her cell phone.

So if the kids want the always gorgeous TJ Jackson to be their guardian, does that mean Tito isn’t in on the kidnapping scheme? Or maybe the kids specifically said they want TJ Jackson’s luscious otter brows to be their guardian, because his eyebrows would probably do the best job and they look pretty maternal. And you might be wondering where Detective La Toya is in all of this. Shhh, don’t say anything, but she’s deep, deep, deep undercover and is creeping through the cobblestone streets to get to the bottom of EVERYTHING. Don’t blow her cover!

UPDATE: Tito Jackson has dropped out of Team Take Over MJ’s Estate and is no longer trying to overthrow the executors of MJ’s will. Tito better run, because Janet Jackson isn’t playing anymore and she’s so going to get him for this.

She’s A Really Good Sport

Merry Christmas, here’s a chillingly accurate reminder of your dead son. Mrs. Jackson has always struck me a kindly old woman trying to stay a kindly old woman whilst surrounded by various crazies (Detective LaToya) and assholes (her husband, Detective LaToya). She probably gives stellar hugs, you know? Sure, she’ll pose with someone representing what is surely one of her most painful memories if you want her to. She’d probably pose with a Dr. Conrad Murray impersonator wielding a syringe if it keeps the peace and lets her get back to her stories.

Detective La Toya Just Got To The Bottom Of EVERYTHING!

Just a few days after Michael Jackson’s death, Detective La Toya slipped on her monocle, crept through shadows and vowed to catch and bring to justice the murderer who killed her precious brother! Cut to today, a jury just found Dr. Conrad Murray guilty of involuntary manslaughter. Dr. Con will have to sit in a cell until he’s sentenced on the 29th.

La Toya always gets her man. Watson (aka Blanket), get Detective La Toya’s pipe ready, because she will be taking a few victory puffs when she gets home. RELEASE THE DOVES!

The Time Bubbles Gave Whitney Houston A Toe Job

David Gest really needs to keep his bestiality fantasies involving Bubbles, Whitney Houston and Michael Jackson to himself, because the world doesn’t want to know the SUCIONESS that slithers around in the gutters of his imagination. Okay, maybe we do, because if he did keep that mess to himself we’d never have this hilariously creepy story about a chimp’s toe sucking fetish. This is what David Gest said during a Michael Jackson documentary that’s supposed to air in the UK this October:

“Whitney was having dinner with Michael at his Neverland home when she accidentally dropped her knife under the table. While Michael was retrieving it for her, Whitney felt her toes being sucked. She moaned, ‘Michael, is that you? Don’t stop. That’s so sensual’. Yet Michael’s head popped up and her toes were still being sucked. It turned out it was Bubbles.”

HAHAHAHA. David needs to show us the receipts or shut his second face, because this really reads like bad fan fiction. Like Whitney would ever use the word “sensual.” Bitch isn’t Courtney Stodden! Whitney would say something like “Ooooh, baby, suck the dirt out of that nail!” or “Get that jam like your tongue is peanut butter and we’re trying to swirl up some Goobers!” or “When you’re done there, baby, use that sweet suction cup mouth to suck out my doodie bubble, because I got a boatload with a stuck anchor.”

Wait. Maybe that’s why they call him BUBBLES?! Shit. Good. Night.

via The Mirror

UPDATE: Aaron Carter Denies Saying That Michael Jackson Gave Him Lohan Powder

A couple of days ago, Sweetas brought us the news that Aaron Carter opened his mouth on the face that meth built about his time with Michael Jackson, and what he said made the glass on Detective La Toya’s monocle fog up and crack. Daphne Barak from OK! Magazine Australia alleged that Aaron told her the late Michael Jackson fed him wine and cocaine when he was 15. But wait, Aaron tells TMZ that he never claimed that MJ sedated his 15-year-old body with the bad shit and dropped a red wine waterfall down his froat.

“Nothing was said that was reported.”

The Ghost of Justin Bieber’s future pointed to a YouTube video of the interview where he doesn’t mention anything about MJ feeding him coke. But Daphne stands by her story and still claims that Aaron told her “that Michael Jackson gave him alcohol and cocaine while he was 15. He also said that Michael invited him to sleep in his room, and when Aaron woke up at 5:00 AM, he found Michael on his bed.”

This is absolutely ridiculous, offensive and is making me do the moonwalk towards Daphne’s face so I can slap the wrong out of her! MJ never gave Aaron coke or wine. Why would MJ ever do such a thing? That’s not only illegal, but it goes against ever fiber of MJ’s moral being. How dare Daphne throw those hurtful accusations around! We all know that MJ only served Jesus Juice and the White Dust of Christ to minors. DUH!