No, these aren’t pictures from the Fighting the Hot Grand Championships of 2015. These pictures are from last night’s NYC premiere of The Big Short where Brad Pitt and Ryan Gosling showed off the matching hairstyles they obviously got from Johnny Depp’s stylist.
I’m not even sure if this is the real Brad Pitt and Ryan Gosling. Brad Pitt looks like what you would get if you put pictures of Aaron Sorkin, Suze Orman, Sliding Doors Goopy Paltrow and current day Johnny Depp in baby morphing software. That hair is either a 90s Nick Carter wig or that grey hair he had on his head the other day was a $2 Anderson Cooper wig from the Dollar General. And Ryan Gosling!
Ryan Gosling needs to pull out his phone and immediately delete the number of the trick who painted up his face like that. That’s a look that a goth high school kid would put together using baby powder and an old eyeliner pencil he stole from the back of his mother’s bathroom cabinet. Dude’s makeup is very newbie emo kid and it’s a tragedy. Ryan should cancel everything and immediately have an emergency FaceTime session with Jeremy Renner, because Hawkeye will teach him how to properly tame and work an eyeliner pencil.
After their marriage bit and swallowed the dust, Kaley Cuoco and her husband of a second Ryan Sweeting learned a lesson many of us hos already knew: It’s probably not the best idea to marry a trick and honor your “love” with a tattoo minutes after you touched genitals for the first time. Kaley got their wedding date inked into her back and Ryan got her name tattooed on his arm. As soon as I saw Kaley’s tattoo, my cynical ass figured that in the future she’d either have to laser it off or she’d have to marry her next husband on New Year’s or she’d have to cover that mess up with another tattoo. Kaley did the latter and today, she Instagrammed a picture of what she covered it up with. Her back now looks like an unfinished Silence of the Lambs poster. Buffalo Bill’s going to think that Kaley is flirting with him.
Kaley thanked the tattoo artiste who erased her wedding date from her back and also added that she got a moth tattoo because it got the job done:
Thank you @nero_sct @studiocitytattoo for helping me right my wrongs.. note to self- do not mark your body with any future wedding dates #under30mistakes #donttakeyourselftooseriouslykids
the deep, meaningful, larger than life meaning behind this beautiful piece of ink, is….. It covered the last one.
Moths are annoying and are attention whores who are always trying to hog up the light, so that tattoo is perfect! But really, I actually like it for 3 reasons. If you look at the bottom of the moth, it looks like a short dick with two wart-covered nuts. The best kind of tattoo is a tattoo that has a peen on it.
And here’s Kaley in Colonel Sanders cosplay at a dog charity event a few days ago:
After Chris Rock filed for divorce from his wife of 18 years, Malaak Compton-Rock, shit started getting all kinds of messy when they fought over custody of their children and cash. Well, now an extra thick layer of sad and shady has been added to their mess of a divorce fight.
TMZ says that ever since 2008, a girl from South Africa named Ntombi has been living with the Rocks in New Jersey. Ntombi started living with them when she was only 6 months old. 7-year-old Ntombi’s biological parents live in South Africa and TMZ doesn’t know how she ended up living with the Rocks full-time. Ntombi became a part of the family and there’s several pictures of her with Chris Rock at events. Everything was rainbows and unicorn kisses until Chris and Malaak’s marriage flatlined.
At around the same time that Chris Rock filed divorce papers, officials in South Africa started putting a giant magnifying glass over how Ntombi ended up in the US. South African officials apparently don’t have any record of the Rocks adopting Ntombi. TMZ also couldn’t find any record of the adoption. Sources say that Chris never signed papers to legally adopt Ntombi and Malaak was the one who brought her to the US.
Those sources also say that Chris Rock’s heart is made of ice-wrapped anus scabs, because he regularly sees his 2 biological daughters, but hasn’t seen Ntombi for more than a year. Chris’ rep tells TMZ that he doesn’t have an adopted child. Damn, that rep straight-up pulled some, “the kid is not my
son daughter” shit.
If I had to speculate, I’d say that right after Chris Rock filed divorce papers and things started to hit train wreck territory, someone called the South African Adoption Department tip line and let them know about a possible illegal adoption scandal in New Jersey. If that’s the case, Kelly Rutherford is going to slide up right next to Chris Rock, because she’ll want him to teach her his ways.
That Saturday Night Live skit spoke the damn truth. Everybody from your racist auntie to your grandma lives, breathes, eats, snorts, injects, butt chugs and inhales Adele, because pretty much everybody bought her new album. If you didn’t buy it, you probably feel the same way I felt on the first day of the 3rd grade when every brat showed up with British Knights on their feet and I showed up with generic brand Vans. Billboard says that *NSYNC’s 2000 album No Strings Attached used to hold the single week sales record until Adele came along and slapped the curl right out of Justin Timberlake’s glorious caramel popcorn hair. Adele beat the record in a little over 3 days.
Misshapen raffia bow Kristin Cavallari announced yesterday that she and her broken light bulb of a husband Jay Cutler gave their third child, a girl, the name “Saylor James.” While many of us ran over to that “Taylee-McKarty-Lakynn” picture to double check to see if “Saylor” was on it, the Princess of Alaska Bristol Palin let everyone know on Instagram (via UsWeekly) that she’s naming her baby after a sea man. Bristol said that she came up with the name before hearing that the chick from Laguna Beach named her daughter “Saylor.” Sailor Moon is side-eyeing both of those messes.
when you find out @kristincavallari named her baby the exact name you are naming yours what a weird coincidence .. congrats on your new bundle, and I do love her name.. Still naming my baby girl Sailor!
Bristol’s son’s name is Tripp and “The Tripp And Sailor” sounds like a dance that was really popular at weddings in the late 80s. If naming your daughter “Sailor” becomes a thing, there’s going to be a nation full of girls who will become experts at eye-rolling, because they’ll hear the phrase, “Hey there, Sailor,” at least three times a day.
If Bristol thinks she came up with that name first, she needs to stop, because before she could even spell “sailor” (although, she probably only learned how to spell it correctly last week), Christie Brinkley named her daughter that! Trick needs to give credit where credit is due. And since we’re on the subject of Christie and need a palate cleanser (because Bristol), here she is busting out a “Bitch, you know I still got it,” pose while on vacation.
So excited to make something special with the driftwood I just found ( under my foot) I am wearing Neutrogens Wet Skin broad spectrum . And I always have a hat !! For more tips on diet,exercise, hair make up etc check out my new book Timeless Beauty now available in book stores everywhere! @brinkleybeauty #timelessbeauty
The Golden Girls granny panties!
This year’s Victoria’s Secret fashion show was a joke for many, many reasons, but mostly because not one of the Angels sashayed down the runway in a pair of exquisitely perfect Golden Girls panties. The Agent Provocateur of Etsy, the store Bullets and Bees, made dreams we didn’t know we had come true by making and selling panties with the Golden Girls on them.
Despite what it says in on the wall in the men’s bathroom at Mother Lode in West Hollywood, I am not into panty kink, but I still want to put these on my Christmas list. The Dorothy should be made of leather and spiked (because you know she’s kinky like that), but they’re business black and white instead. The Rose is virginal white lace, the Sophia is full coverage and of course, the Blanche is crotchless because DUH.
You can buy them separately for $38 to $52 and the entire set is $160. I know, for $160, that shit better be made of actual gold. But I guess $160 is a small price to pay for fine art and to have the Golden Girls on your crotch. The other thing about the Golden Girls panties is that when you seep out a little coochie cheesecake onto them, it just feels right.
Stephen Merchant (41)
Sarah Hyland (25)
Elena Satine (28)
Karine Vanasse (32)
Leah Jenner (33)
Katherine Heigl (37)
Colin Hanks (38)
Lola Glaudini (44)
Shirley Henderson (50)
Dawn Robinson (50)
Garret Dillahunt (51)
Denise Crosby (58)
Ruben Santiago-Hudson (59)
Linda Tripp (66)
Lee Michaels (70)
Billy Connolly (73)
Pete Best (74)
Pic: Spike TV
Behold, all of the outfits that JLo wore as host of the American Music Awards. That catsuit she wore in the opening number sort of looks like a bedazzled magic eye painting. If I stare at her ass long enough, I think I see Casper Smart going to a glory hole – Lainey Gossip
Kylie Jenner was dressed up like some bondage space hooker last night. So in other words, she was dressed more elegant than usual – The Superficial
What the VIP room in heaven looks like: Thor with kitties – Celebitchy
Excuse me while I squirt six bottles of Purell directly onto my eyeballs after seeing Miley Cyrus suck on a bunch of stranger fingers – (NSFW because there’s hillbilly chipmunk nipples in this post) Drunken Stepfather
The Texas T-Rex is such an ultra guy’s guy and no, that’s not code for “mega gay” – IDLYITW
Selena Gomez looks like she’s wearing a sequined sack held together with a whip – Popoholic
Elisabeth Hasselback isn’t going to be on TV anymore – Jezebel
I thought this was a recent pic of Brad Pitt for a minute – Starcasm
Don’t even think of covering Adele’s “Hello,” because Missy Piggy did it better than anyone – OMG Blog
Accidentally?! HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA! And breathe. HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA! – Just Jared
Reid Ewing, the dude from Modern Family who wrote about his plastic surgery addiction, came out as a lover of peen on Twitter – Towleroad
Okay, John Oliver, answer me this. If we got rid of pennies, what kind of coin will I use at the pressed penny art machine at Knott’s Berry Farm? – Pajiba
I really need to report Meghan Trainor and Charlie Puth’s gross make-out session on the American Music Awards to the FCC – Popsugar
A hot robber robbed one of Lisa Vanderpump’s restaurants – Reality Tea
A true Australian hero – Hollywood Tuna
This visual definition of chill is this hamster leisurely nibbling on a carrot – The Berry
Note: The CAPTION THIS Contest is taking the day off (I know, that lazy bitch) and it’ll be back tomorrow.
Former reality trick, current clip-on bangs entrepreneur and star of Gawker’s 500 Days of Kristin, Kristin Cavallari, birthed out the third baby she made with her husband Jay Cutler of the Chicago Bears. Kristin and Jay already have a 3-year-old son named Camden Jack and an 18-month-old son named Jaxon Wyatt. They obviously love giving their kids names that sound like a cross between the name of a whisky and the name of the villain’s sidekick in an old-timey western movie. Well, they kept with that theme when naming their brand new daughter who was born today. Kristin burped up this note on Instagram:
Saylor James Cutler was born today at 132pm!!
It’s official: Kristin Cavallari is the generic brand version of Blake NotSoLively who is the generic brand version of Goopy Paltrow.
Since Kristin is a serious business woman, I figured she picked the name “Saylor James,” because it sounds like the name of a nautical-themed line of children’s clothes sold exclusively at Kohl’s. And if she ever gets a children’s clothing line at Kohl’s, she’ll already have the name picked out. But a couple of months ago, Kristin told People that she got the name for her daughter from some lady’s dog:
“We picked out this baby girl’s name when I was pregnant with our first. I met a woman and her dog, and I loved her dog’s name. Funny enough, it was the name she had picked out if she had a girl, but she had boys, so she used it for her dog instead.”
When Saylor gets old enough, she’s going to track down Saylor the Dog and curse that pooch out for being the reason why her name is Saylor. No, Saylor isn’t that bad, and besides, her mom follows the wisdom of Jenny McCarthy, so being named Saylor is the very, very least of her problems.
And I’m sure that after they see my impeccable Photoshop work, Universal will beg me to do the special effects.
The critics pretty much declared St. Angie Jolie’s HIGH ART 70s perfume commercial By The Sea an Ambien-laced turd and it also bombed at the box office. The Brangeloonies should be ashamed of themselves for not selling their house, their cars, their internal organs and their kids to buy every ticket available! If you’re a Brangeloonie and you’re not homeless and eating dirt pies because you sold everything to support your God’s movie, then you can’t call yourself a Brangeloonie. Shameful! But anyway…
By The Zzz has been out in limited-release for two weeks and so far it’s only made around $321,000 domestically. The Hollywood Reporter says that Universal put up all the money. The budget was $25 million (Universal claims the budget was $10 million) and another $15 million was spent on marketing. Universal is probably going to eat most of that money, but they don’t care. A source tells THR that Universal is hoping that since they gave St. Angie some play money for her little movie, she will return the favor by starring in one of their big-budget movies. Universal probably figures that since Maleficent made a zillion dollars, they’ll also make a mountain of money from St. Angie playing another monster: The Bride of Frankenstein.