Archives: November 2015

Will Smith Makes Marriage Sound Really Fun

November 24, 2015 / Posted by:

Jada Pinkett Smith has said before that her marriage with Will Smith has lasted, because she lets him do whatever he wants to do (even if that includes doing another piece) and that they’re their own people and shit. But Will told Entertainment Tonight at last night’s screening of his movie Concussion in L.A. that he and Jada have been married so long because neither of them are willing to quit no matter how awful, horrible, painful and torturous it gets. Be prepared to swoon yourself inside/out, because this is romance. Will said this after ET asked him what the key to their long marriage:

“We’ve been married 20 years and we’ve been asking ourselves that question and really at the end of the day it’s just not quitting. You can’t expect it to be easy, it’s like our marriage was the most difficult, grueling, excruciating thing that we have ever taken on in our lives. And you know we’re just not quitters.

If there is a secret I would say is that we never went into working in our relationship. We only ever worked on ourselves individually, and then presented ourselves to one another better than we were previously.”

I need to know just how excruciating and grueling it is. Is it more painful than watching After Earth on a loop while your eyelids are taped open, your body is strapped to a chair and pure caffeine is being injected into your veins to keep you awake? If it’s more painful than that, then the rumors about Will and Jada being Scientologists must be true and they’re one hundred percent dead inside. Because it doesn’t get anymore painful than that.

And here’s more of Jada and Will at last night’s screening. I can already hear JLo screaming, “THAT BITCH,” because Jada’s wearing the dress she was planning to wear to Catholic mass on Christmas Eve.

Pic: FameFlynet

Would You Have A Threesome With 1960s Sean Connery And Your Sister?

November 24, 2015 / Posted by:

Page Six says that Carly Simon writes in her memoir Boys In The Trees about the time in 1965 when Sean Connery offered up his Scotch eggs and blood sausage to her, only there was one problem… Sean wanted Carly’s sister to get in on the action. What kind of Mad Men episode foolery…

Carly says that when she was 20 and her sister Lucy was 22 they were on a ship traveling from London to New York and they met a then 35-year-old Sean Connery. Carly says that the three of them had drinks and ended up in his cabin. While in his cabin, Sean, who was married at the time, proposed having a ménage à trois. Carly writes that one of her friends called it a “Simon sisters sandwich.” Carly and Lucy said thanks, but no thanks. But the next night, Lucy ended up with a coochie full of 007 and she did it by herself. The Hollywood Reporter says that Carly felt so betrayed by her sister boning Sean Connery that when they got to New York, she ended their musical duo The Simon Sisters. In other words, Sean Connery’s dick broke up The Simon Sisters. Sean Connery’s dick is the original Yoko Ono.

I don’t even want to answer my own headline question, but I will. To paraphrase Meat Loaf, I would do anything for dick but I won’t do that.

My sister and I fight over everything. One time when we were kids, I was playing with her Barbie car and she didn’t like that. We fought over it for a few minutes and I ended up throwing it against the wall and it broke. So imagine what would happen if we had to share a dude. Actually, don’t.

With that being, I hate Carly Simon’s ass for bringing this up.

Pic: United Artists

Open Post: Hosted By Hair Twins Brad Pitt And Ryan Gosling

November 24, 2015 / Posted by:

No, these aren’t pictures from the Fighting the Hot Grand Championships of 2015. These pictures are from last night’s NYC premiere of The Big Short where Brad Pitt and Ryan Gosling showed off the matching hairstyles they obviously got from Johnny Depp’s stylist.

I’m not even sure if this is the real Brad Pitt and Ryan Gosling. Brad Pitt looks like what you would get if you put pictures of Aaron Sorkin, Suze Orman, Sliding Doors Goopy Paltrow and current day Johnny Depp in baby morphing software. That hair is either a 90s Nick Carter wig or that grey hair he had on his head the other day was a $2 Anderson Cooper wig from the Dollar General. And Ryan Gosling!

Ryan Gosling needs to pull out his phone and immediately delete the number of the trick who painted up his face like that. That’s a look that a goth high school kid would put together using baby powder and an old eyeliner pencil he stole from the back of his mother’s bathroom cabinet. Dude’s makeup is very newbie emo kid and it’s a tragedy. Ryan should cancel everything and immediately have an emergency FaceTime session with Jeremy Renner, because Hawkeye will teach him how to properly tame and work an eyeliner pencil.

Pics: Getty, Splash,

Kaley Cuoco Covered Up Her Wedding Date Tattoo With A Big Ass Moth

November 24, 2015 / Posted by:

After their marriage bit and swallowed the dust, Kaley Cuoco and her husband of a second Ryan Sweeting learned a lesson many of us hos already knew: It’s probably not the best idea to marry a trick and honor your “love” with a tattoo minutes after you touched genitals for the first time. Kaley got their wedding date inked into her back and Ryan got her name tattooed on his arm. As soon as I saw Kaley’s tattoo, my cynical ass figured that in the future she’d either have to laser it off or she’d have to marry her next husband on New Year’s or she’d have to cover that mess up with another tattoo. Kaley did the latter and today, she Instagrammed a picture of what she covered it up with. Her back now looks like an unfinished Silence of the Lambs poster. Buffalo Bill’s going to think that Kaley is flirting with him.


Kaley thanked the tattoo artiste who erased her wedding date from her back and also added that she got a moth tattoo because it got the job done:

Thank you @nero_sct @studiocitytattoo for helping me right my wrongs.. note to self- do not mark your body with any future wedding dates #under30mistakes #donttakeyourselftooseriouslykids

the deep, meaningful, larger than life meaning behind this beautiful piece of ink, is….. It covered the last one.

Moths are annoying and are attention whores who are always trying to hog up the light, so that tattoo is perfect! But really, I actually like it for 3 reasons. If you look at the bottom of the moth, it looks like a short dick with two wart-covered nuts. The best kind of tattoo is a tattoo that has a peen on it.

And here’s Kaley in Colonel Sanders cosplay at a dog charity event a few days ago:

Pics: Splash, Instagram,


Chris Rock Denies He Adopted The Little Girl Who Has Lived In His House For Years

November 24, 2015 / Posted by:

After Chris Rock filed for divorce from his wife of 18 years, Malaak Compton-Rock, shit started getting all kinds of messy when they fought over custody of their children and cash. Well, now an extra thick layer of sad and shady has been added to their mess of a divorce fight.

TMZ says that ever since 2008, a girl from South Africa named Ntombi has been living with the Rocks in New Jersey. Ntombi started living with them when she was only 6 months old. 7-year-old Ntombi’s biological parents live in South Africa and TMZ doesn’t know how she ended up living with the Rocks full-time. Ntombi became a part of the family and there’s several pictures of her with Chris Rock at events. Everything was rainbows and unicorn kisses until Chris and Malaak’s marriage flatlined.

At around the same time that Chris Rock filed divorce papers, officials in South Africa started putting a giant magnifying glass over how Ntombi ended up in the US. South African officials apparently don’t have any record of the Rocks adopting Ntombi. TMZ also couldn’t find any record of the adoption. Sources say that Chris never signed papers to legally adopt Ntombi and Malaak was the one who brought her to the US.

Those sources also say that Chris Rock’s heart is made of ice-wrapped anus scabs, because he regularly sees his 2 biological daughters, but hasn’t seen Ntombi for more than a year. Chris’ rep tells TMZ that he doesn’t have an adopted child. Damn, that rep straight-up pulled some, “the kid is not my son daughter” shit.

If I had to speculate, I’d say that right after Chris Rock filed divorce papers and things started to hit train wreck territory, someone called the South African Adoption Department tip line and let them know about a possible illegal adoption scandal in New Jersey. If that’s the case, Kelly Rutherford is going to slide up right next to Chris Rock, because she’ll want him to teach her his ways.

Pic: Splash

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Adele Is Officially The Reigning Ruler Of The Charts

November 24, 2015 / Posted by:

That Saturday Night Live skit spoke the damn truth. Everybody from your racist auntie to your grandma lives, breathes, eats, snorts, injects, butt chugs and inhales Adele, because pretty much everybody bought her new album. If you didn’t buy it, you probably feel the same way I felt on the first day of the 3rd grade when every brat showed up with British Knights on their feet and I showed up with generic brand Vans. Billboard says that *NSYNC’s 2000 album No Strings Attached used to hold the single week sales record until Adele came along and slapped the curl right out of Justin Timberlake’s glorious caramel popcorn hair. Adele beat the record in a little over 3 days.

Bristol Palin Is Naming Her Kid “Sailor” Too

November 24, 2015 / Posted by:

Misshapen raffia bow Kristin Cavallari announced yesterday that she and her broken light bulb of a husband Jay Cutler gave their third child, a girl, the name “Saylor James.” While many of us ran over to that “Taylee-McKarty-Lakynn” picture to double check to see if “Saylor” was on it, the Princess of Alaska Bristol Palin let everyone know on Instagram (via UsWeekly) that she’s naming her baby after a sea man. Bristol said that she came up with the name before hearing that the chick from Laguna Beach named her daughter “Saylor.” Sailor Moon is side-eyeing both of those messes.

when you find out @kristincavallari named her baby the exact name you are naming yours what a weird coincidence .. congrats on your new bundle, and I do love her name.. Still naming my baby girl Sailor!

Bristol’s son’s name is Tripp and “The Tripp And Sailor” sounds like a dance that was really popular at weddings in the late 80s. If naming your daughter “Sailor” becomes a thing, there’s going to be a nation full of girls who will become experts at eye-rolling, because they’ll hear the phrase, “Hey there, Sailor,” at least three times a day.

If Bristol thinks she came up with that name first, she needs to stop, because before she could even spell “sailor” (although, she probably only learned how to spell it correctly last week), Christie Brinkley named her daughter that! Trick needs to give credit where credit is due. And since we’re on the subject of Christie and need a palate cleanser (because Bristol), here she is busting out a “Bitch, you know I still got it,” pose while on vacation.

Pic: Instagram


Hot Sluts Of The Day!

November 24, 2015 / Posted by:

The Golden Girls granny panties!

This year’s Victoria’s Secret fashion show was a joke for many, many reasons, but mostly because not one of the Angels sashayed down the runway in a pair of exquisitely perfect Golden Girls panties. The Agent Provocateur of Etsy, the store Bullets and Bees, made dreams we didn’t know we had come true by making and selling panties with the Golden Girls on them.

Despite what it says in on the wall in the men’s bathroom at Mother Lode in West Hollywood, I am not into panty kink, but I still want to put these on my Christmas list. The Dorothy should be made of leather and spiked (because you know she’s kinky like that), but they’re business black and white instead. The Rose is virginal white lace, the Sophia is full coverage and of course, the Blanche is crotchless because DUH.

You can buy them separately for $38 to $52 and the entire set is $160. I know, for $160, that shit better be made of actual gold. But I guess $160 is a small price to pay for fine art and to have the Golden Girls on your crotch. The other thing about the Golden Girls panties is that when you seep out a little coochie cheesecake onto them, it just feels right.

via Hello Giggles & Dangerous Minds (For Hayley, Dana, Pal and Kiki)


Birthday Sluts

November 24, 2015 / Posted by:

Stephen Merchant (41)
Sarah Hyland (25)
Sabi (28)
Elena Satine (28)
Karine Vanasse (32)
Leah Jenner (33)
Katherine Heigl (37)
Colin Hanks (38)
Lola Glaudini (44)
Shirley Henderson (50)
Dawn Robinson (50)
Garret Dillahunt (51)
Denise Crosby (58)
Ruben Santiago-Hudson (59)
Linda Tripp (66)
Lee Michaels (70)
Billy Connolly (73)
Pete Best (74)

Pic: Spike TV


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