Tony Bennett Calls For The Legalization Of The Good Shit, The Bad Shit And Every Other Kind Of Shit!
If President Obama, Congress and all the Houses quit their jobs and handed all their power over to Tony Bennett, you’d soon be able to waltz into a Duane Reade to pick up a bottle of lube (not the Pimp Mama Kris-endorsed one), a bag of hot fries, a roll of toilet paper and a box of crack rocks. At Clive Davis’ pre-Grammy gala, held at the same hotel where Whitney Houston passed away, Tony said that deaths of Amy Winehouse, Michael Jackson and Whitney might have not happened if all drugs were legal. Preach it, pepaw!
“First it was Michael Jackson, then Amy Winehouse, now, the magnificent Whitney Houston. I’d like every person in this room to campaign to legalize drugs.
Let’s legalize drugs like they did in Amsterdam. No one’s hiding or sneaking around corners to get it. They go to a doctor to get it.”
The only shit I know about Amsterdam I learned from an episode of House Hunters International, but I’m pretty sure that only weed is legal there and they still have to buy their 8-balls from a sketchy dealer with stank breath in the dark part of an alley way like the rest of us. Also, Michael Jackson died of a prescription pill overdose and it’s looking like Whitney didn’t take any illegal drugs before she went up to star in Heaven’s remake of Sparkle with Aaliyah. It is kind of bizarre that Xanax and Valium are completely legal, yet whenever my weed man comes to visit, I have to pat him down to make sure he’s not wearing a wire tap. Actually, that’s not why I pat him down. I pat him down because he lets me and it’s pretty much the only kind of action I get.
Anyway, Pepaw Tony means well and some of what he says sort of makes sense if you think about how many billions are spent and how many people die from the war on drugs shit. But that’s some shit for a different day. I think what Tony is really trying to say is that he wants to be able to buy a damn joint wherever he goes.
Here’s a few pictures from Clive Davis’ gala last night and let me predict the future by typing what you’re going to think in about 5 seconds: What in the name of veiny titty balls was Kim Kardashian doing there?! Call me Miss Cleo.
In order: Toni Braxton, Rita Wilson & Tom Hanks, nobody, Glamberace, Amber Rose (no comment on those Klingon brows and gremlin lips), Diana Ross, a Diana Ross wannabe and Our Lady of Perpetual Cheetos.