The Crazies From Amy’s Bakery Stretch Out Their 15 Seconds Of Fame By Talking To The Local News

In case you you’ve been hungry for a small dollop of insanity from America’s favorite gourmet couple Amy and Samy Bouzaglo, who put the nightmare in Kitchen Nightmares, here’s a video of what happened when CBS 5 News tried to ask them about their Facebook meltdown. Surprisingly enough, Amy didn’t open the door, snatch that reporter and try to resell her to a human trafficking ring, because that’s what America’s all about. Amy dribbled out some insanity about how the news crew was trespassing and the FBI is looking into the “hacking” of their Facebook account. Maybe Crazy Amy is telling the truth, because if I was an FBI agent, I’d investigate that mess, but only so I can interview her and take in her crazy live and in person.

Then Samy came out and rambled out more nonsense before Amy screamed at him to come inside. They’re the gift that keeps on giving until they’re eventually dragged away to the mental institution.

In other Crazy Amy news, a lady who used to be a server at Amy’s Bakery did an AMA on Reddit and said that Amy went to prison for identity fraud for 14 months.

In Amy’s defense, if I was her, I’d want to be someone else too.

via Eater

Only Ugly People Say That Amanda Bynes Is Crazy

Amanda Bynes tweeted these bathroom selfies of her in a bra yesterday and said that she’s 135lbs and needs to be 100lbs. Somebody should tell Amanda that she really is 100lbs, because that thirsty in-need-of-an-iv-drip weave weighs at least 40 pounds.

Amanda took a little time out from her current career as a professional tweeter and selfie taker to tell InTouch Weekly that she doesn’t care if people call her crazy, because the only people that call her crazy are ugly and ugly people have no place in her hot, hot world.

“I have no clue [why people say I’m insane]. Every time I’ve heard it, it came from an ugly person’s mouth, so I don’t care. The only ones lying about me having a mental illness are people I don’t talk to. I only have hot friends. They have my back until I die.”

I’m sure that the friends in Amanda’s head life are beyond hot, but if they truly had her back, they’d tell her to stop.

Amanda also told InTouch that the homely-faced uglies say that she’s a drunk pot head, but that’s another lie out of the mouths of uglies, because she’s allergic to alcohol and she doesn’t smoke weed, she only smokes tobacco. Amanda doesn’t spend her time filling the hallways of her apartment building with the sweet scent of the good shit, because she’s way too busy working on her body, her fashion line and her music career.

“I’m getting in shape for all the photo shoots. I like being 100 pounds… 21 to go! I’ll design clothes and sing because I want to, not because I need the money. I love singing and I can’t wait to start working on an album.”

So if you think Amanda Bynes is crazy for thinking that the pot she smokes is tobacco, you’re ugly. If you think Amanda Bynes is crazy for thinking 135lbs is too heavy, you’re ugly. If you think Amanda Bynes is crazy for thinking that only ugly people think she’s crazy, you’re ugly. Excuse her sanity, you ugly bitches!

Don’t You Just Hate It When A One Night Stand Pulls A Knife On You?

Seen above as the kosher meat in a caucasian-jewish-korean manwich, Eddie Kaye Thomas, better known as Shit-Break from the American Pie movies, had to call the police yesterday afternoon after his one night trick turned into a knife-wielding crazy bitch who was once step away from boiling his bunny rabbit. Didn’t Eddie Kaye Thomas learn anything from his own movies? Sometimes it’s better just to stay home and fuck an apple pie from Costco.

TMZ says that Eddie picked up a trick at Mel’s Diner of all places on Tuesday night and brought her back to his house in the Hollywood Hills. The next day, Eddie tried to get the trick out of his house and that’s when she pulled some “I’m not going to be ignored” shit. My guess is that Eddie told her she had to leave, because he was needed on set. Even crazy bitches know that Eddie hasn’t said that line truthfully since 2010.

When Eddie asked that insane trick to leave, she pulled a knife on him. Eddie ran outside and called the police. They sent the SWAT team and while they were outside of Eddie’s house, the crazy bitch was inside, trashing his house. The SWAT team had to tear gas the ho to get her out. She was booked for felony vandalism after she was checked out at a hospital.

Who in the hell brings a jump-off home anymore? (If you’ve got a one night trick cleaning out their genitals in your bathroom sink while you’re reading this, you should make a guilty face.) Yes, most of us have done it, but we still know that you’re not supposed to bring a one-time fuck partner to your house. That’s what the backseat of cars, alleyways, bar bathrooms and Porta Potties on construction sites are for. (Side note: Somebody should really make Porta Potties for one night stands. They can put ’em outside of all the bars. They can call ’em Porta Fuckies.)

If Eddie wanted to get that lunatic ho out fast, he should’ve just put on one of those direct-to-DVD American Pie movies. That will make even the craziest bitch scatter for the door.

With all that being said, you know Eddie’s going to call her back for a second round, because there ain’t no ass like crazy ass.

Kirstie Alley Hates Abilify

Scientologists don’t believe in anti-depressants, because when they want to get happy, they fuck themselves in the butt with an e-meter can while humming the theme to Close Encounters of a Third Kind. So it’s not exactly surprising that Kirstie Alley is throwing ten balls of hate at the anti-depressant Abilify for using cartoons in their commercials. The Jabba the Hutt of Scientology spent yesterday and today ranting on Twitter about how Abilify is targeting children by using cartoons. Kirstie may not have a PhD in pharmacology, but she has a PhD in batshit lunacy, so she definitely knows what she’s talking about. Here’s the truth according to Dr. Kirstie:

So Kirstie is hating on a pill that claims to help with depression and yet she’s the member of a “religion” that claims to cure gayness? Oh, Kirstie, never stop being you. This bitch needs some Abilify. And you know, I think I’d rather suffer from dizziness and have trouble swallowing (I can’t believe I just typed that, my social life is ruined) than be a Scientologist. So Kirstie, you stay worshipping an alien god and we’ll stay pilled up.

via Radar

Scientology Will Try To Recruit Russell Crowe In 3..2…

Today’s edition of “Things You See When You’re High On Drugs” is brought to you by Russell Crowe’s UFO sighting. Russell Crowe and his friend set up a camera at his office in a suburb outside of Sydney called Woolloomooloo, because they wanted to get pictures of fruit bats flying out of the botanical gardens. When Russell and his friend looked at the pictures, they saw something that’ll make  John Travolta and the other alien-loving queens at Scientology cream out their weight in panty pudding. Russell and his friend swear on the bong they smoked from that what they saw is a UFO.

It looks like a flare from a lens to me, but after Russell Crowe shared this on Twitter and some of his followers said the same thing, he set us all straight (well, even Shauna Sand’s precious pearl of a pussy couldn’t make me straight, but you know what I’m trying to say).

UFO? Time Lapse Photos Outside RC’s Woolloomooloo Office (THESE ARE REAL!)

Canon 5D, No Flash, can’t be a lense flare because it moves , camera is fixed

It’s not a video it is 3 time lapse photo’s taken in 4.5 seconds

I will grant you at the time the music wasn’t playing, also, yes, we have pushed in on the frame..this is 3 photo’s in order, nothing added

Either this is a viral ad for Canon and Russell is their new spokesdude or Russell can’t handle his booze, because he mistakes tail lights for flying macaroons (it kind of looks like a glowing macaroon, right?) when he gets drunk. But in Russell’s defense, if I was an alien, the first place on Earth I’d visit would be a place called Woolloomooloo.

via Buzzfeed

Happy Re-Christmas Day From Crazy Ass Mimi

If you’re wondering what crazy rich people who have a team of assistants and are eternally 12 on the inside did during the BLIZZARD OF ALL BLIZZARDS, here’s a video Mimi made of her celebrating Christmas in February. One of Mimi’s assistants went out to Connecticut, found a tiny Christmas tree and brought it back so the real-life Lisa Frank character could celebrate the holidays all over again! (We all know bitch just wanted a reason to play her Christmas album again.)

Mimi had cookies, candies, hot cocoa and friends who looked really thrilled about celebrating Christmas when they really wanted to be getting drunk and watching porn like regular people do during a snowstorm. But that’s what happens when you’re trapped in Mimi’s world.

Happy Re-Christmas!