Category: Winona Ryder
Winona Ryder Gave Her Thoughts About The Abuse Allegations Against Johnny Depp
It was only a matter of time before someone asked Winona Ryder to spill out her thoughts about Amber Heard accusing Johnny Depp of abuse. Johnny Depp’s first wife Lori Ann Allison and Sherilyn Fenn both took a spot on Team Scarves. Vanessa Paradis also defended Johnny hard by saying that he never got violent with her and the allegations are “outrageous.” Winona was talking to Time about her new Netflix show Stranger Things when she asked about her ex’s alleged lady beating ways. Winona’s publicist either was not there or was taking a piss break, because they probably would’ve tackled her and put their hands over her mouth as soon as Johnny’s name was brought up.
“Beetlejuice 2” Is Not Happening Anytime Soon
Save your breath, saying ‘Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice‘ is not going to make Beetlejuice 2 appear. While its been reported that the movie is definitely happening for some time now – even Winona Ryder said it was happening when she was on Late Night with Seth Meyers last year – it turns out that that “definitely” is actually a “no good, low down, heart breaking rumor“.
Entertainment Weekly is saying that on Friday, there were reports that the movie was finally going forward, a script had been completed and that Winona and Michael Keaton were basically in their makeup chairs getting ready to look like the hottest versions of themselves. Sadly, a rep for Rim Burton (typo and it stays) reached out to EW and said that “the information was based on fabricated comments from the director and confirmed to EW that Beetlejuice 2 is not in development at this time.” The rep went on to say that Tim is currently busy working on finishing his next disastrous looking billion dollar cash cow, Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children. There’s no trailer out for it yet, but EW has got some sneak peek pictures. This mess looks like some spooky bedtime Effie Trinket mash up aka Not For Me. Tim will also be busy after wrapping Children because he’s got yet another sure to be money making bonanza lined up with Disney, a live action version of Dumbo. Jesus fucking Christ, that is going to be depressing.
What bothers me the most about this sequel either not happening or being pushed back endlessly is that we’re being deprived of the true star of the movie – Juno! If it’s an issue getting the whole cast back together, why don’t they just do a movie about Juno switching careers and being a paranormal detective. The actress that played Juno, Sylvia Sidney, passed away in 1999, so getting her will be some real method acting. Delia Deetz aka Catherine O’Hara can play her bumbling assistant. Take note, Hollywood! This is a brilliant idea!
Pics: Warner Bros.
Wino Forever Thinks That Johnny’s Relationship With Amber Heard Is ‘Inappropriate’
No, you’re not looking at a still from Tim Burton’s future remake of Disney’s Maleficent, where Maleficent is played by a sans-fards Winona Ryder, Sleeping Beauty is played by Amber Heard (because that bitch could teach a master class in acting like you’re falling asleep), and Johnny Depp plays the prince, the 3 fairies, the voice of the dragon, and the man who reminds you that Tim Burton can no longer be trusted to make good movies.
The crazy thing is, what I just described isn’t so far-fetched. According to Radar Online, Winona used to think about the idea of reuniting with Johnny Depp and Tim Burton for a film and get the same tinglies she used to get every time she’d wear her extra-large stealin’ coat to Saks, but NOT ANYMORE! Ever since Johnny left his long-term girlfriend and baby mama, Vanessa Paradis, for 27-year-old Amber, Wino’s feelings for Jack Sparrow have been downgraded from ‘We cool’ to ‘No bitch, we ain’t cool’:
“The way he conducted that affair really upset Winona and turned her off to Johnny,” the insider said.
“The thing she especially can’t stand is how all of Johnny’s middle-aged friends, even Tim Burton, are cheering this relationship on like it’s appropriate, when Winona is telling her own friends that it’s absolutely not.
“She’s pulled a 180 on her opinion of Johnny and his cronies because she thinks it’s a sad cliché that he’d dump his long-term baby mama for a woman in her twenties.”
I guess she’s never seen this chart tracking how Johnny Depp keeps getting older but his on-screen love interests stay around the same age (how David Wooderson of you, Johnny). Here’s why she shouldn’t take their relationship that seriously: Statistics have shown there’s like a 90% guarantee that if you’re a rich dude turning 50, you’re going to wake up one morning with the overwhelming desire to leave your wife and find something young and dumb to stick your dick in. Then, after 6-12 months of having to listen to the same goddamn story about “This one time, at Coachella…” they finally realize they’ve made a terrible mistake, pack up her High School Musical overnight bag, and send her home. Winona needs to understand that she’s no longer dealing with her friend Johnny; Johnny’s gone away for a while, and his mid-life crisis is now in charge.
Winona Ryder Has Always Known That Mel Gibson Is An Anti-Semitic Homophobic Asshole
Long before Mad Mel Gibson was barfing out hateful words directed towards Jews in the back of a police car, he was barfing out hateful words directed towards Jews while getting drunk at Hollywood parties. This is what Winona Ryder tells GQ Magazine in a spastic interview that sort of made my brain feel like it was tasered and then injected with liquefied ludes. But back to Winona’s Mel Gibson story. Winona says that she was one of the first to watch a tiny black Hitlerstache grow over Mel’s lip before her very eyes.
“I remember, like, fifteen years ago, I was at one of those big Hollywood parties. And he was really drunk. I was with my friend, who’s gay. He made a really horrible gay joke. And somehow it came up that I was Jewish. He said something about ‘oven dodgers,’ but I didn’t get it. I’d never heard that before. It was just this weird, weird moment. I was like, ‘He’s anti-Semitic and he’s homophobic.’ No one believed me!”
Why doesn’t anybody ever believe Winona?! Just like the time nobody believed her when said that Edward Scissorhands is as gentle as a kitten’s air kiss. Or just like the time nobody believed her when she said that she had no idea how that cashmere scarf ended up at the bottom of her bag. I believe her and the world would be a much better place if WE ALL believe her from now on.
And “oven dodgers”, really? Ugh. It’s a good thing that when I Google that horrific shit all I get is a picture of a delicious L.A. Dodgers cookie.
Too Much Xanax?
Winona Ryder was rushed to the hospital from Heather yesterday after she had some kind of medical issue while on the plane. Her PR bitch kept their lips shut about what Winona’s damage was. One of my suspicions was that Winona swallowed too many beautiful dolls. The Daily Mail claims that’s exactly what happened.
According to them, Winona passed out twice after taking too many Xanax pills. Winona was taken to the hospital, but released an hour later and is doing fine now.
Everybody knows you’re not supposed to pop Xanax like its Tylenol PM! If you’re too scared to fly in an airplane, just chop up one Xanax and one Ambien, snort that up, drink a few glasses of red wine, recline your seat, put on some headphones and let “The Piano” soundtrack serenade you to a deep sleep. I love “The Piano” soundtrack.
What Was Wrong With The Original Wino?
The Original Wino was on a flight from Los Angeles to London when she got sick on the flight and needed some kind of medical attention. She probably ate the fish. Don’t eat the fish.
Wino was sick enough for the pilot to ask for priority landing into Heathrow. When they arrived, medical bitches met her at the gate and immediately transported her ill ass to the hospital.
Her spokeswhore said this shit: “She did fall ill on a flight and as a precautionary measure, was taken to a hospital. She was there maybe an hour and was released. The bottom line is she is in good health.”
Hmmm….let’s go through the “Why was Wino Sick” checklist: Diarrhea? Naw. She watched “Autumn in New York” on the flight? Naw. The klepto in her made her swallow the first-class napkins? Possibly. Too many dolls? Ding ding ding!
Wait. Does customs and the drug dogs check your ass when you have to be taken to the hospital directly from the gate? The Original Wino is a genius drug mule!