Category: Unhinged
Kim Jong-un Is Not A K-Pop Fan
While the rest of the world speculates about Kim Jong-un‘s recent weight loss in the odd moment they’re not glamour-blinded by the meticulously blow-dried hospital corners of the SpongeBob SquarePants-angled marmot nesting on his head, the latest complaints from the North Korean supreme leader are surprisingly not about the diarrhea tea he may or may not be using to slim down for his summer bikini figure. Kim’s latest rant instead focuses on the vexing South Korean musical import, K-Pop. My guess is that he’s envious of the singers’ glorious heads of swingy hair without a 90-degree angle in sight, but I’ve been wrong before.
Alec Baldwin Wants To Cancel “Cancel Culture”
Because everyone was wondering exactly how Alec Baldwin, 63, spends his time when he’s not awkwardly seethe-mounting wife Hilaria Baldwin to install more of his fierce sperm army into her indefatigable baby-making bits, he and his chillingly whispery, quiet-killer voice are here to tell us they are unhappy. Angry, even.
Somewhere in the misty distance, a thought bubble is forming over daughter Ireland Baldwin‘s head: “Wait, he’s not going to call me a thoughtless little pig again, is he?” Not this time. Not yet, anyway. Alec’s latest “shakes fist at sky” moment is directed at cancel culture, and no one is safe.
This Is Why “#CocaineConvention” Is Trending
If you’ve ever doubted Donald Trump Jr.’s patriotism, look no further than last night’s virtual RNC for proof that he’s got AMERICA coursing through his veins. South America to be specific, possibly courtesy of Columbia’s most notorious export. With an assist from an utterly unhinged performance by his girlfriend Kimberly Guilfoyle, Don Jr.’s moist and glassy-eyed appearance at last night’s RNC prompted the hashtags #CocaineConvention, #CokeEyes, #CocaineDon and sundry other references to cocaine to trend. So yeah, maybe Don Jr. did a few rails before taking the stage— RAILS OF FREEDOM!