Category: Tom Hiddleston
Tom Hiddleston Determined To Take Everything Calvin Harris Has, Had Or Will Ever Have
Slow clap for Tumblr lovegod Tom Hiddleston if his next move is dropping a chart-topping EDM single under the name DJ LOKI called “Tay Tay is My Bae Bae (“Calvin Harris Is A Bitch Ass” Remix). The Sun reports (via Page Six) that Loki is currently being considered to replace the currently bereaved Calvin Harris as the body, butt, and bulge of Emporio Armani’s underwear campaign.
Potential 007 Tom is reportedly on a short list of candidates that include Joe Jonas (I’d prefer the gay-baiting brother), Chris Pine (*snore*), and Liam Hemsworth (Frankly, I’m #TeamPeeta).
In DJ Buff Yet Bland’s defense, he did take leave of Armani on his own to work on a fashion line.
Who am I kidding? This isn’t Loki’s doing, it’s Taylor Swift’s! It’s all grist for the songwriting mill, and the more trauma she causes him, the better. She’s somewhere below Oprah on the Celebrity Omnipotence Chart (Pippi Yawnstocking took on Apple and won). She can probably have people killed at this point. Behind that nondescript “who me?” slumber party princess image is a calculating conniver of epic proportions. She’s basically a blonde Sith Lord.
Check out some more life-changing pics of Tom and Swifty strolling the beach in Suffolk below, as well as some billboards of Calvin from his old modeling gig.
Pics: Splash
Woe Really Is Calvin Harris
As Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston meet with their team of publicists and body language experts to look over the storyboards for their next photo-op session, her ex-piece Calvin Harris continues to let out an open-mouth silent cry while clutching the deflated heart-shaped mylar balloon that she had sent to his homeroom on their one week anniversary. Calvin just can’t believe that Taylor has moved on so fast. He also can’t believe that she flew all the way to England to meet Tom’s mom and she never met his parents! This is the part in our saga where former Forever Alone team leader Jennifer Aniston sends Calvin a lonely bitch starter kit including cake batter, The Meg Ryan DVD Series, a boyfriend pillow and directions to the nearest cat adoption center.
Taylor Swift And Tom Hiddleston Are Now Infecting Rome With Their Genuine Love
I am all for ToTay’s shameless world PR tour as long as they keep bringing that hot piece bodyguard (at least I think that’s a bodyguard) with them…
It’s been a little less than two weeks since the start date of Taylor and Tom’s contract Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston’s authentic love grew on a rock in Rhode Island and since then, they have moved faster than two U-Haul lesbians on speed. They went from Rhode Island to NYC to Nashville where Tom dad danced at a Selena Gomez concert and met Tay Tay’s parents. From Nashville, they took their “We’re Really, Really In Love” tour international when they visited Tom’s mom in England and Taylor’s stylist did her up in “old-fashioned English country girl” drag for a completely and private walk with his family and a dozen or so paparazzi on Covehithe Beach (see: the spontaneous and organic pictures below). And now they’re in Italy…. To Rome with UGH!
Taylor and Tom strolled through the Colosseum in Rome today, and she must’ve graciously let the paparazzi have the day off, because it was her fans who took pictures of them and posted that mess on Twitter and Instagram. They probably ended their day at a studio where they practiced riding a Vespa for their Roman Holiday-themed photo shoot for the paps tomorrow.
So, since they’ve met each other’s parents and are in Europe now, I fully expect them to elope in an extremely private ceremony in front of the Eiffel Tower at 11 in the morning on Wednesday. Their honeymoon in Bora Bora will be live-streamed on the Jumbotron in Times Square on Friday and they’ll show off the Baby Alive doll they adopted together outside of St. Mary’s Hospital in London on Sunday. They’ll be divorced a week from today and Tay Tay will get custody of their Baby Alive doll.
But seriously, ToTay is looking so damn fake that it almost defeats the purpose of a PR relationship. Maybe this is one big performance art piece and Taylor’s artistic commentary on how her relationships are perceived by the media. Naw, I’m giving her ass too much credit.
Taylor Swift Met Tom Hiddleston’s Mom In The Newest Chapter Of Their Romance Novel Love Affair
It’s absolutely incredible the empire American Girl dolls has built. There’s the doll itself that comes with a whole story and life and her little accessories, but then there are endless possibilities. You can buy her an entire world full of furniture and clothes and friends. Beyond the large scope of imagination it provides for children, the company is astounding because of the fuckload of money its made. Much like Taylor Swift, living American Girl doll. And now, she’s really upped the ante with her latest accessory, Tom Hiddleston, by playing with him in the “meet your boyfriend’s mother for super natural looking photos” playset!
After meeting her parents in Nashville and Tom embarrassing himself at the Selena Gomez concert, The Daily Mail says that they jetted off to England to meet his mother, Diana.
Taylor Swift whisks Tom Hiddleston to the UK to meet his mother https://t.co/4varVVPtD8 pic.twitter.com/HZK7z9MtAj
— Daily Mail Celebrity (@DailyMailCeleb) June 25, 2016
The two arrived there yesterday and they spent super private time with his mom in front of the paparazzi before driving around his hometown of Suffolk. Taylor brought Tom’s mom gifts. After their leisurely and spontaneous stroll, Tom drove Taylor around in a very James Bond-esque (cast him already!) Jaguar and showed her his favorite spots. Like a gas station where he got them coffee. Nothing screams Harlequin romance like a quick cup of piss joe at a gas station.
When it comes down to it, I kind of admire Taylor and I can’t believe I typed that. At least she’s the kind of master puppeteer who puts out dumb and sappy entertainment into the world, which it kind of needs at the moment. Maybe Taylor’s presence in the UK will somehow rework Brexit. Or maybe she’ll just buy Buckingham Palace, rename it Pretty Pretty Princess Palace and live happily ever after with her fully posable Prince Charming.
Pic: FameFlynet
Calvin Harris May Have Called Taylor Swift A Media Puppet Master On Instagram
When buff giraffe Calvin Harris and yodeling giraffe Taylor Swift pinky swore to keep the details of their relationship between them, she was obviously crossing her fingers behind her back, because DUH. Trick has hit songs to write. But Calvin may also have been crossing his fingers behind his back, because he may have spilled some shit on Instagram yesterday.
Taylor Swift And Tom Hiddleston’s “We’re Really, Really In Love” Tour Made A Stop In Nashville
“On your left, is the French impressionist painting titled ‘Stunt Queens At A Concert’ by Monet’s ghost, 2016” – a tour guide at the Shameless PR Couples Hall of Fame and Museum.
Okay, it’s one thing to dance like a malfunctioning cymbal monkey next to Taylor Swift at the Met Gala. But busting out some awkward dad head bops at a Selena Gomez concert is another thing that does not need to happen ever. One week after their young adult romance book cover photo shoot came out in The Sun, Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston hugged on each other and danced together at her BFF Selena Gomez’s show in Nashville, TN last night. When Meat Loaf sings, “I would do anything for love,” (or in this case, “I would do anything for PR“) he meant anything BUT dance at a Selena Gomez concert.
Videos of ToTay dancing have popped up on Twitter and Snapchat, and I know he’s only 9 years older than her, but he looks like an uncomfortable suburban dad chaperone trying to look like a cool and hip dad in front of his daughter’s tween friends at a Selena Gomez concert. I mean, Selena Gomez!