Category: Stagecoach Festival
This Year’s Coachella And Stagecoach Festivals Will Have Zero COVID-Related Restrictions
Coachella and Stagecoach are both back this year, and they are partying like it’s 2019, because there won’t be any kind of precautions against Coronavirus. No negative tests are required. No proof of vaccination is required. And no masks are required. CORONAVIRUS IS OVAH! And Vanessa Hudgens has a reason to live again!
Every Flower Crown Has Wilted Over The News That Coachella Is Not Happening This Year
The cooch of every music festival-loving hipster breathed out a sigh of relief on Friday because they learned that this year, they wouldn’t be stuffed with baggies of molly their human smuggled into Coochella. Because it was announced that the Coachella and Stagecoach musical festivals will not see the light of 2021 because county officials don’t want coronavirus to be a parting Coachella gift along with herpes, drug-associated heatstroke, and suffocated down-low parts from wearing coochie cutters for three days straight.
The Stagecoach Festival Also Treated Guests To Another Round Of Herpes
Many of the festival goers at Coachella were in attendance because they wanted to get trashed, have their ears dry humped by shitty pop hits and maybe, along the way, wet hump on a few fellow guests. Unfortunately, what these folks didn’t know is that their two-person hook-ups may have turned into threesomes thanks to one very special guest, The Herpes, who was also in attendance.
So although some people may have been itching to see their favorite musical acts, others were itching because they forgot to pack Valtrex in their overnight bags. And many of those same folks must have decided to stick around for Coachella’s just as boozy cowboy hat and leather chaps wearing sister, because there’s a new report that the Stagecoach festival, held the weekend after Coachella at the same venue, also had a few reports of herpes outbreaks as well.