Category: Hipster Hell
Every Flower Crown Has Wilted Over The News That Coachella Is Not Happening This Year
The cooch of every music festival-loving hipster breathed out a sigh of relief on Friday because they learned that this year, they wouldn’t be stuffed with baggies of molly their human smuggled into Coochella. Because it was announced that the Coachella and Stagecoach musical festivals will not see the light of 2021 because county officials don’t want coronavirus to be a parting Coachella gift along with herpes, drug-associated heatstroke, and suffocated down-low parts from wearing coochie cutters for three days straight.
The New York Post Hates Justin Theroux’s Dive Themed Bar
The most tired thing you can do as a wealthy middle-aged hipster, besides being a wealthy middle-aged hipster, is to follow your dreams by opening a vanity dive bar, paid for by a major New York restaurant group. Taking the crown, the cake, and the trophy as the most tired of wealthy middle-aged hipsters is Justin Theroux. Justin’s new “dive” bar is called Ray’s, it’s located in the Lower East Side of Manhattan, and a shot and a PBR will cost you $12 (down from $19 when it first opened 2 weeks ago, according to a recent Yelp review). But what Ray’s lacks in authentic dive bar ambiance, it more than makes up for it in jaw (and probably name) dropping pretension, according to The New York Post.
Shia LaBeouf And FKA Twigs Are Now A Thing
When we last heard about the goings-on of Shia LaBeouf’s peen, he was happily spreading his dick cheese all over the loins of his maybe-fake wife, Emily the Strange’s eyebrow-deficient cousin Mia Goth. Shia (seen above looking freshly power washed by a Hazmat worker) and Mia are apparently done with making the pretentious hipster angels cry with happiness by bumping fuck parts, and he’s now making the pretentious hipster angels cry with happiness by bumping fuck parts with FKA Twigs. Sorry, Diego Rivera and Frida Kahlo, but your title as history’s most famous artiste couple has been snatched away by these two gifts to HIGH ART!