Many of the festival goers at Coachella were in attendance because they wanted to get trashed, have their ears dry humped by shitty pop hits and maybe, along the way, wet hump on a few fellow guests. Unfortunately, what these folks didn’t know is that their two-person hook-ups may have turned into threesomes thanks to one very special guest, The Herpes, who was also in attendance.
So although some people may have been itching to see their favorite musical acts, others were itching because they forgot to pack Valtrex in their overnight bags. And many of those same folks must have decided to stick around for Coachella’s just as boozy cowboy hat and leather chaps wearing sister, because there’s a new report that the Stagecoach festival, held the weekend after Coachella at the same venue, also had a few reports of herpes outbreaks as well.
According to TMZ, HerpAlert (which sounds more like the name of Paris, Lindsay and Britney’s group chat back in the day) alleges that those cute little critters wanted to put some Yee Haw! into the unsuspecting pants of Stagecoach’s attendees by sticking around after wreaking havoc at Coachella.
We’re told HerpAlert noticed a surge in people seeking prescriptions for herpes during Stagecoach. Over the weekend, there were 114 cases reported in Palm Desert, Coachella Valley and Indio … which is about half of the nearly 250 cases reported in the same areas during Coachella Weekend 1.
It’s still a massive spike … because HerpAlert tells us they typically handle 12 cases a day in SoCal.
It’s a sad day when people can’t enjoy a little Luke Bryan and random sex without having to worry about contracting an STD, but hey that’s the price you pay when you allow country music to give you a case of the hornies.
However, the original statement that both Coachella and Stagecoach saw spikes in herpes outbreaks has now been clarified, because originally it was reported that these new cases started at the festivals. In an update to their original story, TMZ is now stating that HerpAlert wasn’t saying that a herpes spike occurred at either one of the festivals.
The Riverside County Health Department says its labs and STD programs have not seen any spike in herpes cases during Stagecoach or Coachella.
To clarify … HerpAlert was NOT saying the surge of cases — 114 at Stagecoach and 250 at Coachella — were all for new patients. Some of that data includes old patients seeking prescriptions.
The basic moral of this story is people with herpes like music and sex, so use a damn condom if you plan on hooking up with some random strangers at these festivals. This story just makes me long for the days of yore when sluts knew they were sluts and carried around condoms just in case. Whatever happened to class, people?