Dreamy Really Is Going For Some Kind Of Record

Only Dreamboat Doherty would pull this kind of crack-brained shit! Dreamy was arrested outside of a court house this morning after he dropped a bag of the bad shit while he was going through security to answer to a judge on possession and DUI charges.

Just minutes before he was handcuffed, a judge had saved Dreamy’s ass by not sending him to jail for drunk driving and possession of heroin. The judge banned him from driving for 18 months and threw a few fines at him. And then a few beats later, Dreamy was busted for drugs. Crackhead FAIL. Or maybe this is a Crackhead WIN?

The Sun says that Dreamy took off his coat to go through the security checkpoint and that’s when a bag of blue crystals hit the floor. The security dude immediately called the police who waited until Dreamy left the court house to arrest him. They politely escorted his ass a few steps to the jail house.

From now on, if the police see a Pete Doherty walking around in public, they should just ring the alarm and bring him in. There’s a good chance he’s doing some kind of illegal shit.

And why does my no-heart always throb for the wrecks who can’t leave the fuckery at home?!

Dreamboat Arrested For Attacking A Ford Fiesta

Dreamboat Doherty should just walk around with his wrists already in cuffs and a mug shot and fingerprint sample in his pocket. It would make every cop’s life a lot easier.

Dreamy continued his lifelong goal of getting arrested in every city in the world by getting busted by the cops in Berlin on Saturday morning. NME reports that Dreamy was partying with his friends at a bar, when he suddenly decided to throw a beer bottle out the window. The bottle hit the back window of a Ford Fiesta, breaking it. Someone called the police.

He was taken down the station, held for three hours and then released.

I started to think to myself, “Who in the dick would throw a delicious bottle of beer at an innocent Ford Fiesta?!“, but then I realized who I was talking about. Dreamy probably thought the Ford Fiesta was giving him a side-eye (which they always are, right?) or honking trash about him. Poor Ford Fiesta. They are the least-threatening cars ever. They are the baby bunny rabbits of cars.

Pete Doherty Effed Up Again

Why doesn’t Dreamboat Doherty just sit in his chair and suck the shit out of his nails like a good crackhead instead of constantly acting the ass wherever he goes. Whenever we’re not looking, he’s sticking his hand in the bad shit jar, terrorizing kittens or offending Germany by singing the banned Nazi-version of their national anthem. The latter is what got Dreamy in trouble this past weekend at a music festival in Munich.

During his set, Nightmarey Doherty started the national anthem with the lyrics: “Deutschland, Deutschland über alles.” Apparently, that’s some offensive shit that will get you a fist to the mouth. So he was pulled off the stage after 5 songs and a local radio station stopped broadcasting his performance. The radio announcer said, “To say it like the Brits do: We are not amused.”

Dreamy’s spokeswhore (aka his on-call dealer) quickly apologized and issued this statement: “He was unaware of the controversy surrounding the German national anthem and he deeply apologies if he has caused any offense. Peter himself is from Jewish descent and has fought against racism and fascism with numerous organisations including Love Music Hate Racism. This is a subject he feels very strongly about.”

Instead of wasting the keystrokes, his rep should’ve just issued the obligatory statement: “You know those crackheads…..”

Witness the potent fuckery below:

Dreamy’s Heart Stopped Beating (Yes, Dreamy Still Has A Working Heart)

Dreamboat Doherty was forced to cancel a few gigs last month, because he was in the hospital for “exhaustion” and “breathing difficulties.” Well, it seems that his heart was the bitch who had the tireds in a major way, because it grabbed a body pillow and took a long nap!

Dreamy tells NME (via The Sun) that his heart stopped beating and he had to be put on life support. You’re probably peeling yourself off the floor right now after reading that Dreamy still has a semi-working heart. Yeah, we all figured his heart busted out of there a while ago and is sunning its ass cheeks on a beach in Thailand somewhere.

Dreamy explained, “If I hadn’t been on a life support machine I’d have been in Ireland. But my heart stopped. It was a really strange turn of events. Obviously, the doctors’ immediate thought was that it was to do with drugs but it wasn’t – it was some kind of poisoning.

What happened? Well, I don’t know, I don’t remember. At the time I thought I was a taxi driver offering to take everyone to Elephant And Castle. I was running into the walls, making steering wheel signs with my hands. And then I just… stopped. My body just stopped.

I’ve always had a slight dickie heart, I was born with it. I’m fragile in there, you know?”

A DICKIE HEART?!!!? Is it hung? Does it pre-cum alot? Give it my number. It can find it in any stall at any men’s rest stop bathroom from here to Gibraltar.

Dreamy swears he’s not on the wrong stuff, but that “running into the walls” and “making steering wheel signs” behavior is shit my mom’s cat does all the time. And that cat hits the pipe like it’s part of his religion. But whatever you fart, Dreamy.

And really, it’s okay to admit that the picture of Dreamy gave you the drips a little. Yes, the drips are probably your body’s way of cleansing itself of seeing Dreamy in all his gory, but you still got the drips!

Dreamy Is In The Hospital (Insert Ten Million Exclamation Points Here)

Pete “Dreamboat” Doherty must have overdone it during his morning breathing exercises (aka hyperventilating into a crack pipe) yesterday, because he’s landed himself in the hospital! NME says that Dreamy has canceled all of his dates in Ireland after he had trouble breathing.

Dreamy’s was supposed to perform tonight, but a homeless ex-junkie who recites poetry about UFOs will go on in his place. Dreamy’s spokeswhore/probation officer said, “Last night Peter Doherty was admitted to Swindon Hospital with exhaustion and breathing difficulties. He is currently under observation by doctors.”

DREAMY! You’re supposed to take breaks in between breathing into your pipe! Breathe, break, snort, breathe, break, snort, breathe, break, snort….

Poor thing. If I was there, I’d give him mouth to no-no. Yes, my no-no would take me to court and file butthole abuse charges against me, but it would be worth it to get Dreamy better again.

(Image: Bauer Griffin)

Yes, Dreamy’s Still Got It

It’s been much too long since I’ve posted some pictures of Dreamboat Doherty. Well, the dry spell is over! Here’s a few pictures of Dreamy that will make your crotch sprout warts and your teefs weep for their people. Maybe you should down a full bottle of Penicillin before going in. Just to be safe.

Dreamy was spotted trolling through a flea market in East London yesterday. At least we know that Dreamy will never ever go HONGRAY since it looks like he has a few meals stuck in his teeth. And let’s not mention the cheese shop on his dick area….or the jelly factory in his ass cheeks……

That being said, I’d still….you know.