Category: Pepinogate
Hilaria Baldwin Is, How Do You Say, Sorry That She Wasn’t More “Clear” About Her Background
All the cucumbers are sad today, because Hilaria Baldwin may never again agree to participate in a cooking demonstration and call them by their zippy Spanish name, pepino. I get it. Who doesn’t remember their first day in Spanish class, when the teacher would ask everyone their name and then bestow on them a new version of it? Shy, nerdy Caitlin lit up like a Christmas tree when Señora Graham called her “Catalina.” Every school day for 50 minutes, quiet Caitlin became a sunny island off the coast of faraway California, welcoming day-trippers with a smile. Such is the power of a spiffy new name. And no, I don’t believe for a moment that Hilaria’s family ever called her anything but “Hillary” at home. Maybe “Stop playing Mary Lou Retton on the staircase and get your sorry Gumby ass to the dinner table, Hillary.” And it wasn’t a platter of paella on that table, either.
But anyway, today’s episode of the Hillary/Hilaria saga includes even more damage control over her lying liar heritage debacle. Hilaria issued an apology, which is really just an exasperated sigh of resignation and bittersweet surrender, while still clinging to her delusions.
Charo Speaks! Finally An Actual Spanish Person Weighs In On The Hilaria Baldwin Scandal
Good news! Someone has finally found a real live person from Spain willing to comment on Hilaria “Née Hillary” Baldwin’s identity crisis. Best news! It’s international superstar, flamenco guitar virtuoso, and dazzling Goddess of stage and screen Charo! Luckily for Hilaria, Charo’s as kind and generous as she is talented and sexy. Charo, who is not a member of Hilaria’s dubious Spanish “family,” told Page Six she thinks Hilaria’s put-on accent and seeming obsession with “everything Spanish” is funny. See, Charo gets it! Hilaria’s grift was a gift to the world.
Hilaria Baldwin Reportedly Struggled To Sign Her Real Name On A Tax Form
As Hilaria Baldwin and her freakishly flexible, yoga-toned feet endeavor to feverishly back-pedal their way to her original Boston birth certificate while keeping her ragey husband Alec Baldwin from self-combusting; the tale of her faux Spanish accent and heritage continues to be the regalo that keeps on giving. The previous installment in Hilaria-Hilary’s train wreck of a damage-control tour had her nervously bleating more rounds of further-eroding WTF to The New York Times.
Today’s stocking-stuffer is from Page Six, and offers up the time Hilaria was perplexed about how to write her own name on a tax doc, which was nestled in another layer of mess in the form of a lawsuit against her yoga studio back in 2013: