Category: One Direction
Rebel Wilson’s Life Threatened By Children
I believe in really loving the things you love. Going all the way for something you’re a fan of, you know? I also love things that make me seethe with rage because it means it’s gotten a response for me. But I have zero patience for the mess that is pre-teen, tween, teen, whatever the hell they’re called messiness when it comes to their rabid delusions. No, dear, you’re not married to that pop star and he hasn’t seen your latest declaration of love on his Instagram. Go outside! Play with a stick! Look at the birds!
Rebel Wilson said on Friday’s episode of Ellen (via E!) that after she was on the show in November with One Direction, she felt the full wrath of their toddler fans. On the show, she did a little bit where she super-fanned out, wearing a sweatshirt with them all over it and getting a little physical with Harry Styles. Well, that didn’t go down well with the 7-12 demographic.
“Basically, I got accused of sexually assaulting Harry Styles. These little girls, I think they’re about 12, very, very unhappy with that. Basically we’re just like two professional entertainers having a good time and he really enjoyed it, like…and I told him that on Twitter and then they just sent me more death threats. They get very, um, like they love them and they think they’re going to be with them and I’m like, ‘Well, but you guys never, like, are with them.'”
The child armies behind today’s Tiger Beat hos is the stuff of nightmares. Mindless little creatures who live off of Instagram, Go-Gurt and Silly Bandz. My question in all of this is where are the parents? WHERE ARE THE PARENTS?! If I found out my little one was sending death threats to grown ass people on TV and in movies because they joked around with someone I’d take their phone away quicker than they could say “I‘M GONNA KILL MYSELF AND RUN AWAY!” Childhood is for playground pettiness, but let’s keep it in the playground, ok?
Pic: Warner Bros.
Louis Tomlinson’s Newborn Son Made His Instagram Debut
Louis Tomlinson of One Direction tweeted and Instagrammed a picture of his brand new baby son yesterday, and as I scrolled through the comments, it didn’t take me long to get to one from a Directioner who refuses to believe that child is real and is not some publicity stunt to distract us from the 100% fact that he’s full-time fucking his true soulmate Harry Styles. They see you, Louis!
seriously? it’s manip. stop please.
There’s obviously no man nipple in that picture, so they’re accusing that pic of being a Photoshop Awards contender. They really got their magnifying glasses out and can clearly see that tiny newborn is a stock photo baby. I bet B.o.B left that comment. He’s a flat Earth truther AND a baby Tomlinson truther.
But really, there was a rumor that Louis and his one-time casual piece Briana Jungwirth named their son Sydney Rain, which made us all think that they really want their kid to grow up to be a headliner at the Spearmint Rhino in Downtown L.A., because that’s a primetime stripper name if I ever heard one. But they didn’t name their son Sydney Rain. They named him Freddie Reign. I guess the reign of famous messes naming their kid Reign has officially started. But I don’t totally hate the name and only because Freddie Reign sounds like the name of the lead singer of a Queen cover band. And here’s another OBVIOUSLY Photoshopped picture of Baby Freddie Reign.
It Pays To Get Knocked Up By A Dude From One Direction
Briana Jungwirth gave birth to Louis Tomlinson’s first kid last week and I’m sure right after she popped that baby out, her pussy made a ka-ching sound. Because she knew she was about to get paid.
TMZ says that Briana and her newborn son are living in a 3 bedroom house in Kardashian Land (aka Calabasas, CA). The Sun says that the rent on Briana’s new house is around $6,000 a month and Louis is paying for it. TMZ’s source says that Briana’s isn’t using her baby as an ATM and wants Louis’ help with bills but isn’t going to be greedy. The source also claims that they haven’t worked out a child support agreement yet. But The Sun’s source says that they’ve already worked out a child support agreement and Louis has agreed to pay Briana around $14,000 a month for the next 18 years. The Sun’s source spilled this out:
“Louis is doing everything he can to provide for mother and baby. He’s very wealthy but is still being hugely generous in the amount he is giving. He’s taking being a dad very seriously.”
The source also claims that Brianna’s gold digger family doesn’t think that’s enough and wants Louis to pay $50,000 a month. The Sun is also going with the rumor that Briana and Louis named their son “Sydney Rain,” which sounds like a cross between a local news weatherman from the late 80s and the name of Sydney Andrews’ body wash.
No matter how much money Briana is getting, she needs to get that 18 years of child support in one large payment. Because if One Direction is the new NSYNC, that means Louis is the new JC Chasez (or is he the new Chris Kirkpatrick? I don’t really know since I don’t have my bachelors degree in 1D). If Louis is the new JC, that means in 10 years he’ll be doing Dancing with the Has-Beens and the county fair circuit. So Briana needs to #getthatlumpsumbitch.
Pic: Wenn.com
Louis Tomlinson From One Direction Is A Daddy Now
Last year, all of our ears nearly exploded from hearing the high-pitched screeches coming from a million Directioners who melted down after hearing the news that one of Louis Tomlinson’s jizz fishes successfully knocked up his one-time piece Briana Jungwirth. They didn’t want to believe that Louis busted a raw nut up into that gold digging hussy whore’s vagine. But he did and now that baby is here.
A source close to Briana (aka the publicist that Briana probably hired after a 1D dude put a baby in her) tells People that she gave birth to a baby boy in Los Angeles yesterday. Even though the two aren’t a thing, 24-year-old Louis is reportedly going to move to L.A. to be closer to his brand new kid. The source spilled this out:
“Louis is happy and very excited about becoming a dad and he thinks Briana will be an amazing mother. It was a surprise at first, but he and Briana are very, very close friends and this has brought them even closer.”
The crazed Directioners who believe that Louis and Harry Styles are the real love affair of our time probably ditched kindergarten today because they’re going to get to the bottom of this. They’re not going to put down their Playskool brand magnifying glasses until they find concrete proof that Briana is a surrogate and Harry and Louis are going to raise THEIR baby on a goat farm in the Netherlands somewhere. I hope that Louis really makes the tiny heads of Directioners pop off by naming his son Harry Jr.
Pic: Splash
The Look Or Not The Look: Harry Styles’ 70s Memaw Pimp Suit
While 75% of One Direction dressed up like pallbearers at a funeral, Harry Styles and his stylist went another direction (I know, it’s way too early in the day and week for those kind of puns) and asked themselves, “WWMW? (What would Maude wear?),” before choosing this hot look. It looks like a pimp suit a grandma would make using the bedspread in her guest room, and I just hope Harry went all the way with the nana look by keeping a handful of caramel squares in his pocket.
One Direction Allegedly Got Grace Jones Kicked Off The Jonathan Ross Show
Okay, now before you go and start researching new planets to live on (since a world in which intergalactic goddess Grace Jones is shown anything less than enthusiastic worship is clearly doomed), let’s just keep in mind that this story is courtesy of The Sun. So let’s just say you should probably grab a couple grains of salt before you grab the number of a real estate on Blorg 6.
According to The Sun (via OK!), singing hipster elves One Direction recently got Grace Jones ejected from an appearance on The Jonathan Ross Show. The episode, which was taped earlier in the week and scheduled to air this evening, was supposed to feature 1D and Grace together. But a source claims they were afraid Grace would “overshadow” their appearance (true), so they had her name crossed off the call sheet.
Grace was apparently super pissed when she found out, because she traveled from Jamaica to London specifically for the taping, and that “it showed a complete lack of respect from young guys.” To make up for it, the source says Grace Jones was offered an appearance on Alan Carr: Chatty Man.
Of course, a spokesperson for One Direction is side-eyeing The Sun’s story and told OK! that 1D had nothing to do with Grace being cut from the show, adding that “it wasn’t even discussed with them.” Okay, but if they really wanted to avoid karmic retribution from the ageless icon gods, their publicist should have added: “…in fact, they’re incredibly bummed out that some tacky jerk would deny them the privilege of sharing a seat on that yellow sofa with THE Grace Jones. Yes, even Zayn Malik is sad. He’s not even in the band anymore, and he’s sad too.”
Here are the people who are currently holding the No. 1 spot on Grace Jones’ shit list (and possible recipients of a future read) during a sound check and performance for Jimmy Kimmel Live! in Los Angeles last night.
Pics: The Jonathan Ross Show, Wenn.com