It Pays To Get Knocked Up By A Dude From One Direction

January 26, 2016 / Posted by:

Briana Jungwirth gave birth to Louis Tomlinson’s first kid last week and I’m sure right after she popped that baby out, her pussy made a ka-ching sound. Because she knew she was about to get paid.

TMZ says that Briana and her newborn son are living in a 3 bedroom house in Kardashian Land (aka Calabasas, CA). The Sun says that the rent on Briana’s new house is around $6,000 a month and Louis is paying for it. TMZ’s source says that Briana’s isn’t using her baby as an ATM and wants Louis’ help with bills but isn’t going to be greedy. The source also claims that they haven’t worked out a child support agreement yet. But The Sun’s source says that they’ve already worked out a child support agreement and Louis has agreed to pay Briana around $14,000 a month for the next 18 years. The Sun’s source spilled this out:

“Louis is doing everything he can to provide for mother and baby. He’s very wealthy but is still being hugely generous in the amount he is giving. He’s taking being a dad very seriously.”

The source also claims that Brianna’s gold digger family doesn’t think that’s enough and wants Louis to pay $50,000 a month. The Sun is also going with the rumor that Briana and Louis named their son “Sydney Rain,” which sounds like a cross between a local news weatherman from the late 80s and the name of Sydney Andrews’ body wash.

No matter how much money Briana is getting, she needs to get that 18 years of child support in one large payment. Because if One Direction is the new NSYNC, that means Louis is the new JC Chasez (or is he the new Chris Kirkpatrick? I don’t really know since I don’t have my bachelors degree in 1D). If Louis is the new JC, that means in 10 years he’ll be doing Dancing with the Has-Beens and the county fair circuit. So Briana needs to #getthatlumpsumbitch.


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