Think Big Candy hasn’t gone too far? Think again. Let’s pretend for a minute that Christmas candy is a thing. Like, make-believe that Halloween candy and Christmas cookies don’t exist and the only seasonally dictated sweet treats that everyone agrees are essential mainstays and are talked about with eager anticipation is what The Takeout calls “Christmas candy.” Now name one. Yes! Candy canes are Christmas candy— good job, you! Now name ten. Not so easy now, is it? What if I asked you not only to name ten different kinds of Christmas candies but to be aware of enough unique Christmas candies to come up with a list of ten of America’s Most Hated. That’s what the indentured elfin workers at candy wholesaler CandyStore.com were forced to do in order to meet their first quarter quota. But at what cost? Countless elf families will be feeling the pinch this holiday just so you, the consumer, can be fooled into thinking that red, green, and white candy corn is a reviled Christmas tradition (#2 Most Hated) called “reindeer corn.”
As if there wasn’t already abundant proof that humanity is truly in the shitter, Disneyland is selling peanut butter and jelly macaroni topped with pop rocks. According to The Takeout, “the peanut butter & jelly mac involves macaroni noodles coated in a peanut butter sauce and finished off with a dollop of strawberry jelly, a sprinkle of brown sugar streusel, and a layer of strawberry crackle.” I’d like to see whoever came up with this WMD (weapon of mass diarrhea) answer for their crimes!