Open Post: Hosted By The Cat Who Replaced Kate Winslet In A “Titanic” Parody

Today Kate Winslet woke up in her modest 3-bedroom bungalow in the suburbs of London. She made breakfast, sent her kids to school, did a little Facebooking, and then drove to the biscuit factory, where she works as an assistant manager. It may be shocking, but we no longer live in a reality where Kate shot to global superstardom as Rose DeWitt Bukater in Titanic. That role has been retroactively re-cast with a fluffy black cat named Lizzy, stage name: OwlKitty. Thanks to the power of the green screen, OwlKitty’s the one who made out with Leonardo DiCaprio on the bow of the ship. OwlKitty’s the one who laid on that couch, titties out. OwlKitty’s the one who was nominated actually WON the 1997 Oscar for Best Actress. Continue reading

Priyanka Chopra Provided A Tour Of Her IMDB Page To A Journalist Who Questioned Her Qualifications To Announce The Oscar Nominations

Nick Jonas and Priyanka Chopra announced the Oscar nominations on Monday, and since literally nobody gives a shit who gets hired to get up at the butt-crack of dawn to read a teleprompter, it was fine. Or so we thought! Apparently one dude cares. Peter Ford, the self-proclaimed “best & most widely heard entertainment reporter in Australia & NZ” had some questions about Priyanka and Nick’s qualifications for the job other than the fact that they were available. In a since deleted tweet, Peter said “No disrespect to these two but I’m not sure their contribution to the movies qualifies them to be announcing Oscar nominees.” Well, Priyanka was definitely qualified enough to let him know that she’s a movie star, baby, and provided him with a personal tour of her IMDB page.

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