Morning Wood

Daryl Hannah arrested for face abuse – Popeater

Looney Laurie from “She’s Got The Look” explains her breakdown, still sounds crazy – SOW

Christian Bale and Batman are fucking done professionally – I’m Not Obsessed

The reviews from Transformers have convinced me that I need to see this epic display of suckery….preferably while on a mind-altering drug – Celebitchy

President Obama needs appoint George Clooney as our new surgeon general – ICYDK

Kim Zolciak’s wig has found a temporary home on the head of Heidi Klum’s Barbie doll – Popbytes

Speaking of wigs found in the gutter – Holy Moly!

Beyonce and her charitable heart hold a food drive for Basement Baby – Socialite Life

Cameron Diaz’s pizza elbows – Scandalist

Morning Wood

Gene Simmons approves of you pissing all over his face – Best Week Ever

“Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.” – Celebitchy

Megan Fox thinks we give a dick. Which I guess I do since I’m posting about it. Damn her. – ICYDK

Sarah Palin should really send Letterman a fruit basket as a thanks for keeping her name in the news – Popeater

Topless pictures of Brody Jenner aren’t what they used to be – Socialite Life

Janice Dickinson had to go to the hospital, because she couldn’t take a caca – I’m Not Obsessed

Marilyn Manson’s exclusive and ultra-plush shit box – Holy Moly!

Morning Wood

Michael Phelps has a little Spitz above his mouth – TMZ

Art Break: Fallen Fairy Princesses – JPG Magazine

Warning to Madrid! Warning to Madrid! Close your borders NOW! – Celebitchy

Boo! Hiss! MiserAlba is not going to prison for effing up Oklahoma City – ICYDK

REFUND: Ashley Jizzdale gives a bunk ass “lapdance” to an Obama impersonator – Popeater

After sleeping off her hangover, SuBo will return to the stage tonight! – E! Online

Because Jacko’s life couldn’t get any weirder, The Hulk is now his trainer – I’m Not Obsessed

Chris Pine or the unabomber? – Popbytes

Brad Pitt and family donated $1 million of their own cash to St. John’s Hospital – Socialite Life

Morning Wood

Before the love was lost: Peter Andre looking for any peens that might have been left behind in Katie Price’s yes-yes hole – Holy Moly!

Daddy Spears and KFed made a deal. Brit Brit gets more time with her Cheetolings and KFed gets more cheeseburgers – Celebitchy

St. Angie said “fuck no” to Harper’s Bazaar – ICYDK

Jessica Simpson wearing one of Mr. Furley’s favorite sleepytime shirts – I’m Not Obsessed

Gene Simmons needs to eff himself in the culo with his own tongue – Scandalist

Robert Buckley is joining the cast of “One Tree Hill.” Hopefully, he’s playing a character who is deathly allergic to wearing clothes – Socialite Life

Birds with arms – Urlesque

House is the most popular TV show in the universe!!! – HuffPo

Morning Wood

Who needs to attend a class at the Learning Annex on “Why we use toilet paper“? – Socialite Life

Bret Michaels will risk his life to try and pleasure a woman. The women of the world responded with: “Don’t bother.” – Celebitchy

Isn’t this the way Mickey Rourke usually dresses? – ICYDK

YES! Joy Behar got her own talk show – E! Online

UsWeekly is going for some kind of record – Popeater

Bethenny Frankel’s face is here, and her nipples are here – Celebslam

It’s always drinkin’ time for Danny DeVINO – SOW

Dear Max Drummey, please get the word “CUNTARD” tattooed on your forehead – Holy Moly!

The magical unicorns are on the line, they are wondering why RPattz is trying to suffocate them – I’m Not Obsessed

Morning Wood

5 videos of drunk ass bitches falling over. Fess up! Which one stars you? – Buzzfeed

The co-star of Bratz: The Movie calls Obama a “false prophet” – Celebitchy

Who cares about the wig! Why is Kim Kardassian in O Magazine? And I don’t mean “Orgasm Magazine.” – ICYDK

Dawson’s marriage goes down the creek – SOW

LiLo’s self-tanner will make you look like you got a Dirty Sanchez from someone who was having a seizure – Popeater

Evan Rachel Wood is still kissing a methface – Socialite Life

The Australian media is destroying Gordon Ramsay – Holy Moly!

Gerald Butler’s got those “I Just Drank Boooze” eyes – I’m Not Obsessed

Lil’ Kim needs a Cuchini – Concrete Loop