Morning Wood

Eugene Mirman should speak at every school graduation – Buzzfeed

The power of the Twihards knows no bounds – Celebitchy

Nicollette Sheridan’s new hair brings out the botox in her forehead – SOW

Stop calling Ed Westwick “Chuck Fatass” – ICYDK

Miley Cyrus totally wrote “HAVE A AWESUM SUMMER” on Gaston’s folder – I’m Not Obsessed

Kelly Bensimon gets two days of community service for Ike Turnering her ex-boyfriend. That’s cute! – Popeater

Ceiling Eyes recycles – Scandalist

This is what happens to you when you wear the Three Wolf Moon t-shirt – Urlesque

Geri Halliwell’s boyfriend is trying to eat her belly button, because he thinks it’s an M&M – Holy Moly!

Expect Karen Olivo to start going by the name Rhinestone, Conceited or Olivia K – Gawker

One of the High School Musical twinkies got buff – Socialite Life

Morning Wood

“These bitches have no idea what I’ve been through!” – Gawker

Stand by your drunkcheating maaaaaaan: The Diane Lane edition – Celebitchy

In today’s “Jennifer Aniston is drunk texting exes” news – ICYDK

Liam Gallagher’s raging ego must have short-circuited the board – Holy Moly!

Kelly Clarkson is tired of the fat jokes! (since we’re all made of evil insert your fat joke here) – Yahoo’s OMG!

Asshole Simpson is drunk, pregnant and angry. Yup, she’s related to Papa Joe – Scandalist

Doesn’t Oprah know that her word is the bible to some crazy fanhos? – I’m Not Obsessed

Sandra Bullock is going to be single soon, because no mortal man can resists the charms of Betty White – Socialite Life

Morning Wood

Eminem embraced getting a face full of Bruno’s sweet butt cakes – I’m Not Obsessed

The most inappropriate wedding songs – Urlesque

Is LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian’s shit TV movie about to come out on DVD or something? – Celebitchy

Patrick Swayze’s The Beast has been caged – Popeater

The most exciting thing about Kristen Stewart is her shaky leg syndrome – Socialite Life

Johnny Depp needs a lil’ more Photoshop. DON’T SHANK ME!!! – The Frisky

Xtina gives us FACE! FACE! BEAUTY! FACE! – ICYDK

News you can fart to: Tila Tequila is not pregnant – Celebslam

Peaches Geldof is right – Holy Moly!

Morning Wood

This is how Scarecrow Reeves scowls at a bottle of shampoo too – SOW

Chicaboo got into a fight with a bowl of peroxide and lost – Holy Moly!

Kendra poses in front of her future employer – The Bastardly

It’s too bad the robber didn’t steal those fugly shoes Eminem’s wearing too – Celebitchy

Kate Gosselin before her signature beaver dyke ‘do – Popeater

This is the closest Zachary Quinto will ever get to a pussay strip – Socialite Life

Evan Rachel Wood has upgraded – I’m Not Obsessed

It’s time to feed me to the hongray wolves, because I actually agree with Spencer Twatt – ICYDK

Morning Wood

Now I know why Eddie Murphy bumped b-holes with T-Girl Scary Spice – SOW

Britain’s Got Crazies – ICYDK

This picture would be better if Ryan Reynolds had his top off and Sandra Bullock was halfway across town – Socialite Life

The wolves in the Three Wolf Moon t-shirt look more realistic than the one in the New Moon trailer – Best Week Ever

Never Ending. NEVER. – I’m Not Obsessed

Cristiano Ronaldo sunning his perfectly manicured eyebrows in Sardinia – Holy Moly!

Tanked Girl – Popeater

Zac Efron needs to drop the twink mop and pick up the Gosselin dyke ‘do – The Bastardly

Sugartits is going to shut down the Church of Brangelina if Brad Pitt doesn’t stop making fun of him – Celebitchy

Morning Wood

ICYMI: Spectacular from Pretty Ricky has earned his name thanks to his sexay day-shift stripper moves! Why did I feel like I was covered in dried-up lube after watching this? – The Fury

Non-reader and CAPS aficionado Kanye West will write a book that contains some blank pages. This has to make complete sense to you – Idolator

Jon & Kate ruin JLo’s reality show dreams – Celebitchy

A beautiful nude photograph of Vadge & Guy is up on the auction block – Popbytes

Kate Gosselin’s new cookbook: 101 recipes using your husband’s nuts – I’m Not Obsessed

Even if they paid Katherine Heeeeeeigl in Camel Cash and phlegm balls it would still be too much – Scandalist

“Kris Allen is without a doubt the American Idol…thanks to a few million votes we threw his way” – ICYDK

A big sloppy vagina who also likes big sloppy vaginas – Holy Moly!

Janice Dickinson makes America proud! – Socialite Life

A gold-plated painkiller: Heidi Fleiss, Dennis Rodman and Mackenzie Phillips under one roof?! – Vh1 Blog

Guy needs to take a few dozen dolls if he really believes he can direct this shit – SOW