Category: Monkey Business

Open Post: Hosted By The Monkey Who Called 911

August 20, 2022 / Posted by:

Back when we used to use our cell phones to make calls instead of making TikToks, butt dialing was the scourge of our times. You could mistakenly call anyone from your dentist to that ex whose number you could never delete because were hoping that they’d finally see the errors of their ways, take you back, and you’d live happily ever after. Now that we send texts to build more personal relationships, butt dials are less common. But if you happen to own a monkey, beware! They’re notorious narcs who are known for calling the cops on your ass. Such was the case at a zoo in California when a rouge primate decided to dial 9-1-1.

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Open Post: Hosted By One Gorilla Giving Oral To Another Gorilla At The Bronx Zoo

September 24, 2021 / Posted by:

The New York Post says that two Bronx Zoo gorillas went viral after casually engaging in oral sex in front of shocked onlookers of all ages. Hey, give ’em a break. It’s not like they get any privacy with those glass walls. I have no doubt that we’d all do the same. Now, at first, it looked like the one gorilla was going in for a cuddle, but, nope; they pushed the male gorilla to the ground and began performing fellatio. Some of the human zoo-goers burst out laughing, others dragged their kids away, and one dad cried, “Oh no! Don’t look, Josie!” But it was too late. Josie had seen everything. And she’ll never be the same.

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Wayne Newton’s Pet Monkey Allegedly Attacked A Kid

August 8, 2019 / Posted by:

Danke for nothing Wayne! A woman just filed a lawsuit against Mr. Las Vegas himself, Wayne Newton (no that picture is not from Madame Tussauds) claiming her daughter was “viciously attacked” by Wayne’s pet monkey when she was visiting Casa de Shenandoah, Wayne’s former residence turned tourist attraction turned palace of nightmares for a poor Capuchin monkey named Boo who was once Wayne’s beloved pet. According to the Las Vegas Review Journal, Casa de Shenandoah opened to the public in 2015. Though it closed in 2018, while it was open, visitors were able to tour Wayne’s opulent mansion as well as the home’s extensive grounds which include an Arabian horse farm and a private zoo. Nice for Wayne, but is sounds like hell for Boo.

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Everybody Calm Down: Chris Brown Bought That Monkey For Himself

December 12, 2017 / Posted by:

All you bleeding heart monkey lovers out there who were ready to crucify Chris Brown for buying a baby monkey for his kid can kindly extinguish your torches. It turns out Chris didn’t buy his daughter a pet monkey after all. He bought it for himself. Quick, somebody get a lighter, we’ve got to light all these torches back up again!

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