Camels & Cameltoes

The sad thing is, I’m totally going to go see KY Jelly Sex in the City, but only because it’s really entertaining to watch all the bitches in the audience stroll into the theater dressed up like “Carrie, Samantha, etc…” and ripping their panties off when the theme song starts. It’s like Twilight for the Anistons of the world.

Seriously, the theaters should take advantage of that shit and set up folding chairs at the front of the theater facing the audience. I’d rather watch SATC-aholics bust orgasm face after orgasm face than watch the movie itself. Although, I might turn around when Charlotte jumps on Carrie’s back and rides through the desert while Samantha’s vagina hums the music from Lawrence of Arabia.

Oh Pamela, You Old Whore, You

Pamela Anderson debuted her new “fashion line” with Chris Crocker Richie Rich in New Zealand, and here’s a few more pictures from the show.

Even Richie Rich passed the dick out when Pamela “accidentally” dropped her whore cloth revealing her overworked 500,000-mile nalgas. In the words of my favorite crackhead from Atlanta Frankie: This was a MAN DOWN CODE 10 situation!

Don’t ask me what the hell kind of raggedy ass fashion line this is, because I don’t see any clothes. Maybe Pamela is trying to tap into the low-budget hooker demographic. I mean, they do need something to sort-of cover up their tittays for when they are running away from the police after getting caught sexing up a trick in the back of a pick-up. This will do it.

Still No Rojo! (UPDATE: The Gayelle Ginge Unicorn Has Been Spotted!)

Kim Cattrall, Mrs. Rojo Caliente, SJP and Kristin Davis reunited for today on the NYC set of Sex in the City 2: Why Isn’t Rojo In This Shit Already?!.

As much as I love seeing these bitches slowly killing their feet by wearing heels even Satan would hiss at, Rojo Caliente Time is long overdue! Sigh. I’ll just keep hoping that Rojo makes a cameo in the movie as an all grown-up Brady in a dream sequence.

And I’m also hoping that in the sequel, Kim Cattrall finds out that she is actually a mannequin who used to be an ancient Egyptian. The SATC sequel obviously needs some Meshach Taylor.

UPDATE: YES, the drought is over! Rojo Caliente was spotted on the set of SATC today. Maybe my dream of her as Brody is about to come true! Now, I can quick trolling the Home Depot in Chelsea to get a glimpse of the reclusive ginge rainbow. I got my fix…for now. (Thanks Shayna for the tip!)

Please Don’t Stop The Charo!

While all of our asses get older, Charo never ever ages. Seriously, Charo’s 58-year-old hot ass has looked exactly the same since I was drinking my whiskey out of a sippy cup. When we’re all dead, Charo will still be poppin’ that pussay all over the planet! Charo’s thrust makes the world go ’round. Maybe the secret is in her magical cuchi cuchi? You interpret that anyway you want to.

So, during the MDA Jerry Lewis Labor Day Telethon this past weekend, Charo showed up Alien Princess RiRi with a cover of “Please Don’t Stop The Music.” This is how it’s really done. Charo can kick, stretch, and KICK! Charo dances like my abuelita after one too many Coronas. YES!

And just so you know, Charo’s abuelita nipples sang back-up on this shit. Yes, she is that talented.

Source (Thanks Dan)

Dude Looks Like A Memaw

Oh, shit! I thought this was a picture of a broken down Ruth Bader Ginsberg making a Strawberry Hill run. No, this is Steven Tyler with actor Chuck Slavin at Pembroke Center Liquors in Massachusetts on Saturday. I CAN’T!

Steven Tyler recently fucked up his bones when he fell of the stage, so I knew he was in a bad way, but DAMN DAMN DAMN! This is serious. Why does Steven look like he wants to give me an apple? Dopey, save me!

Here’s a little video of Steven at the liquor store. Steven is a recovering alkie, but I don’t think he was buying any of the sweet nectar. By the looks of him, he just wanted to pick up a bag of Brach’s caramels and some Geritol.

Image VIA Boston.com

Granny Got Tasered!

A great memaw was driving to Austin, Texas to buy some Werther’s, Metamucil and Icy Hot when she was pulled over for speeding. Officer Christopher Beize told 72-year-old Kathryn Winkfein that he was going to write her a ticket for going 60 in a 45mph construction zone. Kathryn wasn’t about to roll over and play the sweet grandmother role. No, Kathryn refused to sign the ticket. That’s when Officer Beize threatened to arrest her old ass if she didn’t cooperate. Officer Beize should know that you don’t fuck with a memaw, because bitches don’t play!

Memaw Kat got out of her truck to give Officer B a big slice of FUCK OFF PIE. Memaw Kat eventually agreed to sign it and tried to wrestle Officer B’s ticket book out of his hands.

And Memaw Kat should know that you don’t fuck with a police officer, because they carry taser guns. That’s exactly what happened next. Officer B tasered Memaw Kat! How are you going to do that to a memaw?! Officer B is lucky Kat’s heart didn’t jump out of her prune hole and run away!

In his report, Officer B said he had no choice but to taser Memaw Kat. He said she was trying to push him into traffic and if he didn’t subdue her, she would’ve hurt him or herself.

After paramedics arrived and changed Memaw Kat’s Depends, she was arrested for resisting arrest. If convicted, she could face up to a year in jail and a $4,000 fine.

Officer B should get his taser gun taken away! This is wrong on so many levels. First of all, he didn’t need to fry the granny! He could have just given her a caramel square to calm her down a bit. Second of all, I think by tasering Memaw Kat he made her eyebrows jump up a couple of inches! Messing up a ho’s eyebrows is the biggest crime of all.

And I’d also like to congratulate Kathryn Winkfein for becoming an official member of Latarian Milton’s Hood Rat Stuff Gang.

(Thanks Kismet)