Category: Killer Robots

Open Post: Hosted By An Amazon Alexa Daring A Girl To Basically Electrocute Herself

December 29, 2021 / Posted by:

Amazon’s Alexa is under fire after it was reported that a 10-year-old girl asked Alexa to give her a challenge and Alexa responded by telling her to play with an electrical socket. But don’t worry, Amazon says they’ve fixed the issue. Um? Really? They already eliminated the sentient portion of their AI systems that are trying to murder humanity? The Terminator and Matrix movies gave the impression that wouldn’t be accomplished in an afternoon of bad press.

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Open Post: Hosted By Erica The Robot, The First AI To Lead A Big-Budget Sci-Fi Movie

June 25, 2020 / Posted by:

Scarlett Johansson is probably scoffing at that title since she’s every race, every species, and every thing.

The Hollywood Reporter says there’s a new big-budget sci-fi movie coming out, but this one has something special it. The $70 million sci-fi movie is going to feature the world’s first main role played by an AI actor. That’s right struggling actors of Hollywood: You can now lose out on acting jobs to robots!

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Open Post: Hosted By The Catering Cart From Hell

October 1, 2019 / Posted by:

I don’t know how much clearer I can be: the inanimate objects of the world WILL overthrow us. It’s a matter of time! Case in point: Yesterday at Chicago O’Hare International Airport, the machine rebellion saw its first ember spark, as a driverless catering cart lost its mind and went BERSERK, almost running over staff and knocking out a plane.

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Open Post: Hosted By Marty The Grocery Store Robot That Does Basically Nothing

July 31, 2019 / Posted by:

Mashable reports there’s been more progress in the robotic takeover. Drones that deliver food and brain chips that turn us into computers have a new ally in the battle to overthrow humanity: Marty The Grocery Store Robot. Luckily for us though, Marty is pretty goddamn useless–the robot’s function is basically to stand by a spill and call a person over. Oh good, more things to tell retail workers how to do their jobs.

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Open Post: Hosted By Lady Gaga Letting Us Know That Bradley Cooper Is “The One” Over And Over Again 

October 25, 2018 / Posted by:

Yesterday there was cause for concern about robots taking over the fast food industry and turning people into hamburgers. Today we can go ahead and crank the dial up on that robot army alarm because Gagabot 3000 will not be stopped until every man, woman, and child has heard its boop-beep-boop message of doom. Lady Gaga has been repeating the exact same message about it only taking 1 person named Bradley Cooper out of a crowd of 100 people not named Bradley Cooper, to believe that Lady Gaga could be a movie star; over, and over, and over again, like a broken Carl Sagan Voyager Golden Record. I don’t know exactly what Gagabot 3000’s ultimate plan is, but I’m sure it’s not good!

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Jennifer Garner Is Dating A Tech CEO And Ben Affleck Is Happy For Her

October 24, 2018 / Posted by:

That sneaky Jennifer Garner has been lying to us! The recent reports about what’s been in Jennifer’s wallet only revealed that she was “open to dating”, but it turns out she’s been stuffing condoms in her wallet for the last six months! Us Weekly reports that Jen’s been dating John Miller, a tech CEO who makes hamburger flipping robots for an In-N-Out knockoff called CaliBurger. Sources say “They’ve been together six months — and it’s getting pretty serious”. And to think, this whole time she was throwing us off her trail by driving Ben to Jack In The Box instead!

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