Business Insider says that Elon Musk is one step closer to helping the robots take over the planet. The guy who thought he was going to save children stuck in a watery cave with a 007-esque personal submarine, has now revealed that he’s really making progress with a microchip that people can get implanted into their brain so that they can do a bunch of cool shit. Or have their brain hacked by an evil hacker collective trying to take down society. Whichever comes first.
Elon claims that they’re getting so far in this process that now a monkey has been able to control a computer with its mind. Oooh, how exciting, jot this down in the book of Moments Humanity Stepped Closer To Its Own Demise.
At a presentation of his super secret neurotechnology company, Neuralink, Elon made a surprise announcement. The company was cofounded in 2017 by Elon, but we haven’t heard too much about it. Well, now he let us know what he’s been up to. The company’s goal is to create a chip that will enable “brain-computer interface.” Neuralink presented the company’s dreams of designing a chip which can be implanted into the human brain and receive and transmit signals. In the short-term, they want to use the chip to treat various brain disorders like Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s disease. But Elon has some lofty goals and ultimately wants to achieve “symbiosis with artificial intelligence.” I cannot begin to tell you the number of movies, TV shows, specials, and episodes of Black Mirror which should tell you this is going to be a mess.
Currently, the chip is implanted behind the ear and connected to electrode threads about one quarter the width of a human hair. These are “threaded into the brain” where they stimulate the neurons or nerve cells to do things. Listen… you want to thread a microchip into your brain? He said he wants the process to be easy and painless like LASIK. Which I’m also afraid of, so don’t expect to put a chip in my brain ever.
Elon said they’ve done tests on rats and monkeys in conjunction with the University of California and “the results have been very positive.” He revealed the monkeys were surfing porn online with their mind, or something:
“A monkey has been able to control a computer with its brain, just FYI… The monkey’s going to come out of the bag.”
Neuralink’s senior scientist Philip Sabes has said that a paper on the results would be released “soon.” And Neuralink’s President, Max Hodak, had some words on the whole testing-brain-chips-on-unwilling-animals-thing:
“We wish that we didn’t have to work with animals–we just wish that wasn’t a step in the process, but it is.”
Uh, actually you don’t have to. You’re the ones who want brain chips so test them on your fucking selves. How bout dat? And Elon says they soon may, as they want to start human testing before the end of next year. Watch Jaden Smith be the first to sign up.
I get the whole using technology to fight Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s aspect, but that’s not even why Elon is doing it! He just wants to mind meld with some female AI he develops and have weird inter-technological sex! I’m assuming. Like he dated, Grimes–that’s basically the equivalent.