I don’t know how much clearer I can be: the inanimate objects of the world WILL overthrow us. It’s a matter of time! Case in point: Yesterday at Chicago O’Hare International Airport, the machine rebellion saw its first ember spark, as a driverless catering cart lost its mind and went BERSERK, almost running over staff and knocking out a plane.
Gizmodo says that Twitter user Kevin Klauer was at the airport when he noticed the commotion and got it on video. The catering truck, being operated only by its own freewill, spun out of control and nearly hit airport staff as it got closer and closer to the very expensive plane waiting on the tarmac. Then, one of the ground crew members saved the day with a non-sentient ground support vehicle, knocking the rebellion back on its ass:
Crazy event at ORD. Heads up safety move by a ramp worker! pic.twitter.com/SQi5zB0Ooz
— Kevin Klauer DO, EJD (@Emergidoc) September 30, 2019
American Airlines has given out a statement saying they’re:
“Investigating an incident involving a catering truck… Preliminary reports indicate that the accelerator became stuck and caused the catering cart to lose control. No American Airlines team members were injured and the incident resulted in one 10 minute flight delay…We appreciate the quick action of our team member who stopped the vehicle.”
Okay, yeah, I know, technically that catering cart isn’t a robot, but the robots obviously recruited it into its army and got it to do its dirty work. And we won’t hear about the investigation results. This is a bigger cover-up than Trump and Ukraine! You think Elon Musk‘s brain chips won’t help the robots take you! You think those Uber Eats drones aren’t going to remember your order and fucking poison you?! Wake up, humanity! And while you’re at it, read my new book: “Global Warming Is Caused By Robots! And Other Bullshit I Could Probably Convince People Of.”