Hugh Grant Pulled A Hugh Grant On “Watch What Happens Live”

Acting like a sarcastic urethra fissure in interviews is sort of Hugh Grant’s thing and he kept that cunty schtick going on Bravo’s Watch What Happens Live last night. One day after he made me (and Tiger Woods and Dean McDermott) scream, “Preach!”, by saying that the key to a successful marriage is letting your partner’s fuck parts roam to other pastures, he was asked about his past lady co-stars by Andy Cohen. And while answering, he threw in a couple of sarcastic-pointed digs.

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Hugh Grant’s Secret To A Good Marriage? Cheating

I’ve been to a couple wedding showers, and one thing that happened at all of them was a book would get passed around that you were supposed to write advice for a happy marriage to the bride and groom. My advice was always “Don’t judge them too harshly if you catch them eating Doritos on the toilet“, because really, nobody should be made to feel guilty for that kind of a choice. If Hugh Grant were at those same wedding showers, I know what advice he’d write down. “Put your penis in whomever you want.”

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Hugh Grant’s Fourth Kid Has Arrived

For a while there, it seemed like Hugh Grant was going to George Clooney it through life and would eventually get his baby batter tubes snipped so that he’d never become an actual daddy. But then I guess the alarm on his biological clock went off in a big way, because dude starting shooting raw loads at ovary eggs everywhere. Hugh Grant became a father to 3 babies in 15 months time, and now a fourth one has joined his fast-growing child army. Hugh is probably calling up the producers of that Bridget Jones’s Baby movie to ask them if he can be written in real quick, because those child support payments are adding up.

Last October, The Daily Mail and The Sun said that 55-year-old Hugh knocked up 37-year-old Swedish TV producer Anna Eberstein. They already have a 3-year-old son named John together. They never confirmed that she was pregnant with his second kid. Anna gave birth to a girl last Wednesday and her mom was the one to spill the news to a Swedish newspaper. via UsWeekly

Eberstein’s mom, Susanne, confirmed the news to a Swedish newspaper. “I can confirm that I have another grandchild,” she said. “It is wonderful.”

Anna, Hugh and Tinglan Hong, the mother of his other kids, all supposedly live in separate houses near each other. They’re like a posh version of Sister Wives. Hugh and Tinglan made two children together, a 4-year-old named Tabitha and a 2-year-old named Felix. I curse Hugh Grant’s stupid name whenever I do a post about his fetus-making ways, because it forces me to do extremely simple math. I never paid attention in 1st grade math. I was too busy playing that MASH game with my friends, so it takes me a while to figure out that Hugh made a baby with Tinglan, then Anna, then Tinglan again and then Anna again. So according to math, Tinglan’s tingling right about now, because her ovaries are shaking while waiting for Hugh Grant’s jizz to pay another visit.

Pic: FameFlynet

Hugh Grant May Become A Daddy For The Fourth Time

These pictures of Hugh Grant and his baby mother #2 Anna Eberstein at Wimbledon were taken in July, so in the next few weeks, I fully expect to hear about how he’s going to be a daddy for the fifth, sixth and seventh time. Because while that picture was taken, he knocked up the dude in front of him, the memaw clapping and the “older Nicole Kidman” without Botox on the right. Fertile bitch can put a baby in you just by standing too close. We’ve all been warned.

Eddie Murphy, KFed, Jude Law and the other famous and famous-ish fertile dudes out there better start busting raw nuts up into tricks, because Hugh Grant may be coming for their record. The Daily Mail posted pictures of the mother of Hugh Grant’s second child, Swedish TV producer Anna Eberstein, walking around London with what looks like a belly full of baby. Hugh’s rep refused to open their lips about this news, but a source tells The Sun that 55-year-old Hugh is telling his friends that Anna does have a CASE OF THE BABIES and he’s happy to have another baby friend to visit with every now and again.

“He told friends it’s a baby girl and he is very happy. He loves being a father and is getting used to it now. He’s still been able to keep a lot of time for himself and manage to see the two women and his kids. I wouldn’t be surprised if he wanted more children.”

The other woman the source is talking about is Tinglan Hong. Tinglan Hong gave birth to Hugh’s first kid, Tabitha, in 2011 and she popped out their son, Felix, in December 2012. Just a few months before Tinglan gave birth to Felix, Anna Eberstein gave birth to Hugh’s second child, a son named John. Hugh has reportedly bought both Tinglan and Anna houses close to his home, so he can easily visit all of them.

So it sounds to me like Tinglan and Anna take turns catching Hugh Grant’s unwrapped dick and whatever neighborhood they live in is turning into the Utah of London. Hugh and his pieces are like the international and classy version of Sister Wives but without all that marriage and Mormon shit.

Pics: Splash

The Stalker Who Broke Into Sandra Bullock’s House Kept A Diary About Her

And in a shocking twist, Sandra Bullock’s stalker isn’t one of those creepy faces above. Keanu Reeves is making a “my drug is watching you sleep” face, Hugh Grant is making the kind of face a stalker would make when he peeps in on you taking a shower and Matthew McConaughey isn’t making a creepy face at all, actually. He just looks stoned as shit (aka like normal).

Seen above posing with all of the co-stars of her past, Sandra Bullock won the Decade of Hotness Honor (Shauna Sand was ROBBED!) at the Spike TV Awards on Saturday night and the next morning she almost had to use her antler trophy to stab a crazy bitch who went into her house without permission. TMZ says that at around 6:30 on Sunday morning, 39-year-old Joshua Corbett broke into Sandra’s house while she and her 4-year-old son Louis were home. Joshua got into her house through a backdoor that may or may not have been unlocked. Sandra called 911 and the police arrested the crazy fuck. Joshua didn’t steal anything. Sandra is currently trying to get a restraining order against him.

People says that Joshua Corbett is obsessed with Sandra Bullock and he broke into her house to go through her stuff. If that isn’t creepy enough, it’s also believed that he kept a diary about her.

Isn’t Sandra Bullock screwing on Chris Evans right now? So my question is, where the hell was Captain America during all of this? What is the point of doing Captain America if he isn’t going to be around to protect you from insane motherfuckers going through your panties?! And if the police tell you that the stalker who broke into your house keeps a diary about you, that’s your cue to either ask Steven Spielberg if he can build one of those dome things around your house or immediately move to a place where no human being will ever dare to go like Jon Gosselin’s cabin or a theater showing Blended.

Professional Secret Love Child Maker Made Another Secret Love Child

Fact: In the year 2030, at least 5% of the world’s popular will be able to write “Hugh Grant’s Secret Love Child” as their occupation on their tax returns.

Hugh Grant and condoms still haven’t settled their differences and come together, because he shot another load of organic raw baby batter up into a chick’s ovaries and produced a shhh baby. In 2011, a “fleeting affair” (aka bareback boning during lunch hour) led to Hugh Grant’s piece Tinglan Hong birthing out his first secret love child, a daughter whom he likes okay. A little over a year later, Hugh did it again and announced that Tinglan Hong birthed out his second secret love child. And since Hugh’s potent jizz can’t stop and won’t stop, he struck again. But this time Hugh left Tinglan’s ovaries alone and knocked up Swedish TV producer Anna Elisabet Eberstein. The Sun (via The Daily Mail) says that Hugh’s third secret love child was baking in Anna’s body at the same time that his second secret love child was baking in Tinglan Hong’s body.

A source says that Hugh’s third baby friend was born in September 2012, but his name was left off of the birth certificate. When the birth certificate was re-registered this past December, Hugh’s name was added next to “slut father.” The source went on to say:

“Anna is being supported by Hugh all the way. She lives in a very comfortable property in West London and knows that Hugh is there for her. Anna’s parents in Sweden know all about the relationship and she has their blessing.”

Hugh’s first kid, a daughter named Tabitha Xaio Xi Hong Grant, is 2 years old, his second kid, a son named Felix Hong Grant, is 14-months-old and his third kid, a son, is 17-months-old. If you or someone you know is currently pregnant, Hugh Grant IS the father. Don’t say, “but…but.. I didn’t fuck him.” But nothing, Hugh is the father and I won’t tell you I told you so when you read about in The Daily Mail in 1 or 2 years from now. Surprise, bitch, Hugh’s the father.

Yes, Hugh is a bareback slut who’s addicted to signing his name on child support checks, but at least he takes care of his kids financially, right? That’s more than I can say for some dads out there (Hi, dad!). But if Hugh keeps doing it raw dog style, he’s going to have his own personal little It’s A Small World. Shit, that’s probably what he’s going for.