E! News says that Tori Spelling was at something called UniCon, which sounds like the code name Tori and Dean McDermott use every time they try to con Grandma Candy out of some “university” money for the kids (but it’s actually The Unicorn Mom’s Convention), and told everyone she’s working with a life coach. Tori’s life coach is John Mellencamp’s daughter Teddi Mellencamp Arroyave from The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Tori hired Teddi a few months ago, and it sounds like Tori’s main focus is her post-baby weight.
We all know Azealia Banks has the ability to make a situation extremely messy, but apparently she can also cause heaps of trouble from thousands of miles away too. Apparently her witchcraft skills include remote viewing powers. Case in point, Azealia missing a court appearance because she was at a fashion show in Paris.
Don’t get too excited about the possibility of two tacky coat enthusiasts staying together; this story gets really messy. Last month, we learned that the 8 year marriage between Toni Braxton’s little sister Tamar Braxton and Vince Herbert may be done thanks to her alleged cheating ways. Today we learn that not only are they not getting divorced, but they’re actually in a good place, relationship-wise. At least according to Tamar and Vince, who are in no way doing damage control after a violent incident that may or may not have happened at an Atlanta hotel on Sunday.
Let’s see, we’ve got a 42-year-old man getting his ass kicked by a child on someone’s front yard while a pair of Hello Kitty slippers looks on. If that isn’t a flashing emergency siren alert for Jesus to take the wheel of Katt Williams’ life , then I don’t know what is.
So it appears that Katt Williams is going for some kind of personal best of his personal worst. Thanks to a Facebook user named Luke Dagreat, a video of Katt Williams brawling with what TMZ claims is a 7th grader – yes I said 7th grader – made its way onto the internet. According to the NY Daily News, Katt’s latest catfight happened in Florida (because OF COURSE), although TMZ says it happened in Atlanta. Since it’s Katt Williams we’re talking about, there’s a very good chance it happened in both places. I wouldn’t put it past an expert-level mess like Katt Williams to harness the powers of bilocation as a way to punch people in two places at the same time.
It apparently started after Katt sucker punched a kid in the face. At least he’s going after opponents his own size now, right? The kid, whose name is Luke (I’m assuming it’s probably the Luke Dagreat from above), fought back by wrestling Katt’s ass to the ground and putting him in a headlock. As you can see, Katt was saved by a bunch of bystanders, who eventually pulled Luke off of him. I guess Katt’s gang of ass-whooping witch goons had the day off or something. Here’s the video of Katt Williams brawling with a child:
Katt clearly doesn’t have a Jiminy Cricket or Great Gazoo in his life to advise him on when to shut the hell up, because Katt keeps on talking shit about Luke after their fight ends. Katt, STOP. The only thing worse than getting your ass kicked by a child is getting your ass kicked by a child again. All jokes aside, can someone call up Jiminy Cricket and Great Gazoo and see if either of them would be willing to do the remaining un-punched faces of America a favor by keeping this pocket-sized disaster on the straight and narrow? “And risk getting my adorable face punched in? No way” replied both.
And Now For The Time A Messy David Arquette Tried To Fight Justin Bieber During His 21st Birthday Party
On Saturday night, juvenile delinquent Pizza Party Kevin doll Justin Bieber celebrated turning 21 years old, and even though he’s a big boy now, he did have a clown at his birthday party, and Page Six says that clown was David Arquette. Shortly after Justin filmed his Comedy Central roast, he flew to Las Vegas to celebrate his birthday at the Omnia club with his nearest and douchiest, one of which was Omnia co-owner David Arquette, who got next-level messy and tried to fight him.
According to a party guest, it all went down at the afterparty in Justin’s hotel suite when a “pretty messed up” David was heard talking shit about Justin Bieber behind his back. Maybe David got confused and thought they were still at the roast? Anyway, when Justin heard that David was saying not-nice words about him, he and a friend kicked him out. Somehow that crafty cravat-wearing weasel got back in and bum-rushed the birthday boy in an attempt to take him down. There was a bit of a scuffle before David Arquette was finally thrown out for good.
There is so much about this dramatic situation that I don’t understand. Why the hell was 43-year-old David Arquette at Justin Bieber’s 21st birthday party? I know he sort of owns the club, but still – if that isn’t the definition of “I make poor life choices“, then I don’t know what is. Also, why would he follow Justin Bieber to the afterparty if he hated him so much? I’ll never understand that. One time this trick came to my birthday party and told me “You know, I didn’t even want to come” and I was like “This isn’t a hostage situation with cake, bitch, you can leave anytime you want.”
David, I know the siren song of free booze and pizza is strong, but sometimes it just isn’t worth it! Here’s David just before he went HAM on the red carpet at Justin Bieber’s birthday party:
The last time we checked in with fame enthusiast Kaley Glencoco’s former contractually obligated paparazzi boyfriend Henry Cavill, he was still dating human-shaped piece of solid steel Gina Carano, but it sounds like Henry and Gina may no longer be bumping rock hard fuck parts (for real, I bet Gina’s gina can curl a 30lb kettlebell). According to Celeb Dirty Laundry, 31-year-old Henry has allegedly moved on to a 21-year-old named Marisa Gonzalo.
No word on where they met, but I’m going to guess it probably wasn’t at a PETA fundraiser; apparently a quick peek at Marisa Gonzalo on social media shows a bunch of pictures of her posing with dead deers and bragging about killing squirrels. “Hey girl, gimme a call me when you’re single!” hollered a horny Ted Nugent. Normally huntin’ critters might not be that big of a deal breaker if you were, let’s say, a timber wolf or the dude who killed Bambi’s mom, but Henry Cavill is an ambassador for the Durrell Wildlife Park, an organization dedicated to the conservation of wildlife. So yeah, I could see how that might make things awkward between Henry and Marisa.
Henry: What did you do today?
Marisa: I shot 3 pheasants, what did you do?
Henry: Helped treat 3 wounded pheasants.
Although if this picture of Henry having dinner with Marisa’s family (or is it the other way around? Henry’s mom, please confirm) is any indication, it’s not that awkward? Or maybe Marisa family is just being nice so that Henry can’t say no when they ask him to join them on their next hunting trip. “You know, Superman – sorry, “Henry”, quails are hard to spot, and we were thinking maybe you could come with us and use your super-sight or super-smell to find them. Just think about it, talk to whoever you gotta talk to back on Krypton. In the meantime, we’ll try to find you a camo cape.”