Category: Friends In Low Places
Ellen Degeneres Defended Her Friendship With George W. Bush
On Sunday, Ellen Degeneres had box tickets to a Dallas Cowboys game where she was photographed having a laugh with her friend George W. Bush. It raised a few eyebrows, so yesterday, Ellen did a segment of her show explaining how she and Dubya’s friendship is a beautiful thing that has the power to unite a divided nation. You see, we just don’t know George like Ellen does. To many Americans, George is an unprosecuted (alleged) war criminal who used his position as president of the United States to start wars based lies, worked to restrict the rights of the LGBTQ community, “doesn’t care about black people” (RIP 2006 Kanye West), funneled government funds to faith-based organizations, and is a really shitty painter. But to Ellen he’s just a harmless old dude with a folksy accent who’s in the same tax bracket and loves wearing sneakers as much as she does. No wonder they’re friends!
Prince Andrew Says He Only Visited Jeffrey Epstein So He Could Break Up With Him In Person
Don’t worry, Prince Andrew has a perfectly reasonable explanation for why he was photographed strolling through Central Park with a convicted pedophile. According to The Times (via The Cut), in 2010, Andrew traveled all the way to New York to let his old pal Jeffrey Epstein down easy. Apparently, it’s against royal protocol to ghost someone. If you’re a Prince, and you’re friends with somebody, and that person does something appalling like go to prison for soliciting prostitution from a child, then it is your monarchical obligation to fly across the Atlantic to end the friendship in person. Those are just the rules, and Prince Andrew was just following them. What was he supposed to do, “new phone, who dis?” him? Not in this economy!
Kim Kardashian Met With Trump In The Oval Office
KKW is in tha HOUSE, Y’ALL! The White House that is! Everybody’s favorite reality star, Kim Kardashian West, managed to get an invite to the flashiest house on Pennsylvania Avenue where she met with the President of The United States of America to discuss a topic near and dear to her heart: Prison reform! To have the ear of Donald Trump, the most powerful man in the world, is no small feat for a humble gal from Calabasas!
Kanye West To Become The Savior Of Chicago
Kanye West has his own plan to Make America Great Again, one city at a time. And as we know (because Donald Trump told us), the worst city in America is Chicago, so that’s where Kanye’s gonna start. According to TMZ, Kanye has announced that he’s launching an organization called Donda Social which will work directly with Chicago residents on issues facing the city. The idea for DS came up a while ago, but it seems that recent outbursts have spurred Kanye into action so he’s putting his money where his mouth is (hint: he talks out of his ass).