Kim Kardashian Will Visit The White House Today To Discuss Prison Reform With Jared Kushner

May 30, 2018 / Posted by:

Kim Kardashian has set aside her Twitter feud with the charity Kanye West established to go to the White House to meet with Jared Kushner to discuss prison reform. This is according to Vanity Fair which shares the same water supply as you and me. Look, I’d never done acid before Donald Trump was elected president, and I don’t really appreciate his covert initiative of forced national dosing. It makes me very disoriented and confused. If and when I decide to trip balls Ken Kesey-style, I’ll do it on my own terms, thankyouverymuch. But since group LSD hysteria is the only explanation for #thesetyringtimes and for Kim Kardashian visiting the White House to talk prison reform, Imma try to just go with it.

Vanity Fair reports:

After months of back-channel talks between Kim Kardashian and Jared Kushner, the high priestess of reality television is coming to the White House. By late afternoon on Wednesday, Secret Service agents will wave Kardashian and her attorney through the southwest appointment gate to the West Wing, where they will meet Kushner to discuss prison reform before he walks with them to sit down with President Donald Trump, likely in the Oval Office, along with White House counsel.

Honestly, nobody in their right mind goes to the FUCKING CIRCUS while high on acid. Yet here we all are, at The Bestest Show On Earth, swatting imaginary clown dicks away from our faces as The Kardashian Family Acrobats spin plates of spaghetti while getting blown by the Ringmaster. I know I said I’d just go with it, but I’m kind of freaking out.

Apparently Kim has a pet cause, that of Alice Marie Johnson, for whom Kim has been advocating clemency. According to NYMag:

The case of Johnson, who’s been in prison since 1996 on money-laundering and drug-conspiracy charges, came to Kardashian’s attention when she spotted a video Mic posted to Twitter in October.

Apparently, Kim has been talking to Jared on the phone about Alice Marie’s case specifically. So that’s nice, I guess. I’m not sure what her other credentials are in regards to prison reform, but experience doesn’t seem to a requirement for the Trump administration. I wish I could just call up Jared and have him take my calls. Oh, wait, maybe I can. Jared, this is your mother calling. Your face is all melty and why do you have a tail? Lemme taste it, yumm mozzarella stix…

Holy shit, I just woke up with my cat’s tail in my mouth. I’d like this to stop now. Maybe the Obama’s Netflix show will just be Michelle acting as an acid trip guru, talking the nation down in a calm, soothing voice. Oh, look! Bo has 3 heads!


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