Category: Flavor of Love

How Good Is Ronaiah Tuiasosopo’s Lady Voice?

January 24, 2013 / Posted by:

During Manti Te’o’s interview with Katie Couric, which airs today, he claims that he’s not a STUNT QUEEN, he’s just a gullible bitch, because he wasn’t a part of the fake dead girlfriend hoax and he had no idea that his friend Ronaiah Tuiasosopo was Lennay Kekua the entire time. Manti says that why would he take part in a hoax that has ruined his reputation and possibly screwed with his football career. But even if this does ruin his football career, that’s okay, because he can get a job working from home. Manti read that Debbie’s mom makes $566/a day posting links on Google. Unbelievable!

Manti gave Katie Couric 3 voicemails that he thought were from his fake girlfriend, but they were really from Ronaiah Tuiasosopo. In the voicemails, Ronaiah as Lennay, talks about her chemotherapy sessions, gets jealous over Manti having another girl in his room and tells him she was released from the hospital. Ronaiah’s lawyer says that he pretended to be a woman and put on his “falsetto” voice every time he talked to Manti. Here’s just one of the voicemails, you can here the rest at Deadspin:

If you need to compare Ronaiah’s lady voice to his man voice, here’s a clip of him talking normal. I don’t know, if I was working the drive-thru at McDonald’s and Ronaiah spoke in his regular voice, I don’t think I’d call him “miss.” So either his lady voice is that good or he’s using some kind of software. I don’t know, but I do know that I want to hear a clip of Lennay and Manti phone fucking each other. I really need to hear Ronaiah make lady orgasm sounds as his peen explodes.

And TMZ says that Manti isn’t the only dude who Ronaiah supposedly tricked. Ronaiah has feelings for dudes, but he doesn’t want to face those feelings, so he created a fake girl and lives vicariously through her.

We’re told Ronaiah used the female persona in many encounters, but so far there’s no evidence he became intensely emotionally attached to anyone — until Manti. We’ve confirmed when Ronaiah spoke with Manti as “Lennay Kekua” he used his own voice.

Indeed … Ronaiah’s feelings became so intense, he blew his cover on December 6 because it was hard to walk away. He never intended to reveal Manti was actually talking to a man … he just wanted to reconnect with Manti, but still as a woman.

Our sources say Ronaiah has buried his feelings to the point he has little emotion about anything. We’re told even the scandal has not produced intense emotions.

Well, I guess that’s one awkward way to come out, awkwardly.

How old is Ronaiah? I mean, most of us outgrew the whole “pretend to be a woman on Craigslist to get straight men to have phone sex with you” phase in our teens! Okay, in our early twenties. Okay, in our mid twenties. Okay, last week. But still.

Mrs. Garrett Had A Big Gay Husband

January 21, 2013 / Posted by:

Charlotte Rae, the gift to television who played Mrs. Garrett on Facts of Life and the woman who could wear a loose bun like no other, is shopping her memoirs called The Facts of My Life around to the highest bidder and when you’re shopping your memoirs around, you usually drop your book’s juiciest nugget into the proposal. Page Six read Mrs. Garrett’s proposal and they say that in her memoirs she talks about how she felt betrayed when her husband of 25 years told her that he was gay. Mrs. Garrett took the good, she took the bad, but she just couldn’t take her husband licking on my ass in a darkened motel room.

Charlotte was married to John Strauss, the late Grammy-winning composer of Amadeus, for 25 years and they had two kids together. Charlotte married John in 1950 and in 1975, he told her that he loved peen and had acted on his love of peen. Since Charlotte Rae is not Kelly Preston and couldn’t put on a manufactured smile as her husband licked the tip of another dude’s dick, she filed for divorce. Charlotte writes that she was shocked and felt shame over the fact that her husband was gay the entire time:

“First came the shock of what he had done behind my back, then the sting of being deceived for years. All I could feel was the betrayal and, worse than that, my shame. John’s secret confirmed my feelings of inferiority. That I was less than a woman . . . That I didn’t deserve to be loved and valued.”

We as a people have failed when the head bitch in charge of Eastland School for Girls and the owner of Edna’s Edibles feels unloved and undervalued. And I can’t wait to read the part in Mrs. Garrett’s book about how she caught Cousin Geri, Jo and Natalie having a three-way scissor party in Blair’s trailer.

Victor Garber Confirms What Everybody Has Known For Centuries

January 15, 2013 / Posted by:

Victor Garber (aka Sydney Bristow’s spy daddy, skeezy Professor Callahan, Thomas Andrews from Titanic, Daddy Warbucks and Jesus, to name just a few) has never jumped on a public stage and declared his undying love for man ass, but pretty much everyone knows that he’s gay. Entertainment blogger Greg Hernandez attended the panel for Deception at the TV Critics Association Press Tour in Pasadena, CA last week and he knew he wanted to have a few words with Victor Garber afterwards. So during the panel, he looked up Victor Garber’s Wikipedia page for research and read that the Canadian silver fox lives in NYC with his partner of 13 years Rainer Andreesen. Greg didn’t remember Victor Garber ever coming out OUT, so he decided to ask him about it after the panel.

Greg first asked Victor Garber if it’s true that he’s going to be on Smash, because his Wikipedia page said it. The Canadian silver fox shot back with, “Wikipedia is bullshit.” Victor was then rushed off the stage so that crew could set up for the next panel, but Greg found him later in the lobby of the hotel and asked him if it’s true that his tongue tingles for peen. Their conversation went like this:

So I got up, walked into the lobby of the Langham Huntington Hotel and found Garber. I just decided to ask him: “Wikipedia lists Rainer Andreesen as your partner. I wondered if that’s something that’s public, that you’ve confirmed.”

He seemed surprised by the question but said: ‘I don’t really talk about it but everybody knows.”

Garber then added: “He’s going to be out here with me for the SAG Awards.”

Victor Garber being gay isn’t really news, but what is news to me is how hot his piece is. Victor Garber’s man looks like he could charm a grizzly bear just by winking at it and I bet he can chop the hell out of wood (both figuratively and literally). Dude looks like he smells like chimney smoke, wet leaves, sawdust, deer musk, elk jerky and campfire baked beans. As Rita Wilson said on Girls the other night, “Sometimes you just need a pair of rough hands on your body.”

If dude’s face was on a roll of paper towels, I’d buy those paper towels in bulk at Costco. Dude is hot and Victor Garber gets to exfoliate his ass cheeks on that beard every single night. So congratulations to Victor Garber for that!

And I can’t believe I got through this post without mentioning that “Victor Garber is Bradley Cooper’s top daddy” blind item.

Matt Dallas Publicly Comes Out In A Tweet

January 7, 2013 / Posted by:

Taylor Swift, Katie Holmes and Renee Zellweger are all shedding a single tear while fearing for the future of bearding, because they’ve lost another one. Matt Dallas, who was Kyle in Kyle XY, has publicly declared his undying love for peen on Twitter (via Towleroad) by announcing that he’s engaged to a dude. So Matt Dallas shouted “I LOVE PEEN!” and then every dude with a peen who loves dudes who loves peen is like, “YAY! More options for me!” But then Matt Dallas breaks boners by saying he’s not single and he’s not an option. This is like if In-N-Out announced their new home delivery service and then in the next breath said that unfortunately, all delivery slots are filled forever! Sorry.

Matt Dallas coming out as gay is about as shocking and unpredictable as me announcing that I had a pot cookie and a cream soda for dinner last night, but he still did it. Matt opened the glass closet door and slipped out with this tweet about being engaged to singer/songwriter type Blue Hamilton.

The combination of Blue Hamilton sort of looking like Matt Dallas in the face and me having the Mondays in my eyes made me think to myself, “Matt Dallas is engaged to a Labrador? Congratulations, I guess, but the Labrador doesn’t look really fucking excited about it.”

You know you thought that too, don’t lie.

(Pic via Tyler Shields)

Jamie Foxx Is Gay, So Says Katt Williams

December 22, 2012 / Posted by:

Professional fuckery maker and the embarrassment of the Keeblers elves came out of retirement the other night to tell jokes at a show in Los Angeles and he used his time on stage to say he knows of a black movie star whose b-hole tingles for the peen. As Will Smith shook with nervousness right out of his panties, Katt Williams said that Jamie Foxx is a gay. Some people acted all shocked, but mostly everybody else let a “meh,” because the rumor that Jamie Foxx likes to squeeze peens with his luscious pecs has been around since the beginning of time. But Katt Williams went even farther by naming names.

HuffPo posted a video of Katt saying that Jamie is wrapping his Foxx hole around the dick belonging to singer Marcus Anthony who’s on his label. After Katt said that Jamie Foxx loves peen, he went on a rant about how he turned down a role in Django Unchained, because that shit is racist.

“Who’s gay? Jamie Foxx. I can even tell you the name of the dude he fucked. His name is Marcus Anthony; he’s the only dude signed to Jamie Foxx’s label. Check it out and then Twitter the dude and ask him to see if he’ll say yes. The dude told me backstage at a show and he told me I could bring him onstage and air it out. I said, ‘No, nigga, let me wait until I get to L.A.’

Fuck Jamie Foxx and the ‘Django Unchained’ check he cashed. They offered me the script and I said, ‘Any nigga that do this deserves to die. And the next thing I heard, Jamie Foxx was in makeup. I went to the set myself and I couldn’t believe it. I got a copy of the script. They gave me a copy of the script written in Spielberg’s hands. The words ‘fuck you, nigger’ appear one hundred and seventy six times in the script.”

And here’s the video if your eyes need that today:

The two most shocking parts of that video is that: a) Katt Williams actually showed up for a show and; b) Katt Williams had a mic in his hand and managed not to beat the brains out of his one of fans.

Xenu Claus Has Brought Us Another Beautiful Christmas Gift

December 5, 2012 / Posted by:

“You might like it” isn’t only the line that John Travolta says after he raises his ass up in the air and rubs his Scientolohole against a massage therapist’s crotch. It’s also the name of his new Christmas song with Olivia Newton-John. The cover of John and ONJ’s holiday album is what you would see if you put a magnifying glass up to a unicorn’s fart bubble after it ate all of the Christmas candy, and the video for their first (and last) single is just as special.

In the video that costs less than the shoe polish John Travolta smears all over his head every morning, JT and ONJ two-step, hug and drive together in Ocala, FL. Everything about this gift from Baby Xenu is beautiful from the hairy skid mark on JT’s chin to ONJ’s face looking like an inside/out rubber cat mask to the chain wallet to the random hugging of policemen to ONJ driving on the sidewalk and waving at nobody.

Yes, this is what has become of Danny and Sandy and I might LOVE it!

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