The Protester Who Threw Eggs At King Charles Isn’t Allowed To Carry Eggs In Public Unless He’s Coming From The Grocery Store
Two days ago, King Charles and Queen Consort Camilla were greeting crowds on a visit to York, when, suddenly, *whoosh* *whoosh* *whoosh* Three eggs were hurled in their direction, and splatted on the ground nearby. The culprit, 23-year-old student/eco-activist Patrick Thelwell managed to yell out,“This country was built on the blood of slaves!” and “Not my king!” before he was wrestled to the ground by bobbies and arrested. After spending 12 hours in a cell, Patrick was released on bail. He is facing a fine of £5,000 and up to six months behind bars.
Now Patrick is speaking about the incident to the media, including The Mirror and Dazed. He reveals that his “amusing” bail conditions include not being allowed within 500 meters of the King (easy) and not being allowed to carry eggs in public… unless he’s coming from the grocery store. Sorry, kids, Uncle Patty can’t run the annual Easter egg hunt this year; he’s banned from carrying eggs in public.
Thanks to scores of Royal watchers, experts, reporters, and armchair enthusiasts, we know a lot of fun little details about the British Royal Family’s proclivities. Their likes, dislikes, quirks, and tics— from how THE QUEEN took her nightly gin to the reports that both Prince Andrew and now King Charles III still sleep with teddy bears— are all public knowledge. Still, despite near constant interest and attention paid to the minutiae of Royal life, apparently, nobody has bothered to find out how King Charles likes his eggs! And so, as with most societies that have been historically separated into the haves, the have-nots and the have-crowns, it is up to the average British citizen to decide for themselves how best to serve their sovereign. People reports that earlier today, one enterprising young subject took it upon himself to find out by lobbing raw eggs at Chuckie Trips and Queen Consort Camilla as they did a walkabout in the city of York. Turns out he prefers them cooked and on a plate.