Category: Cheryl Tweedy
Cheryl Cole and Liam Payne Are Officially Over
People reports that after decades upon decades of hearing about Liam Payne and Cheryl (last name pending. I don’t know if she has one right now) being over, they have announced that their 3-ish year relationship is over.Sigh, it seems like just yesterday she was rebounding onto his One Direction penis (also named One Direction). And Liam had been doing such a good job assuring the press that they were fighting through their problems. Guess it didn’t work out. Who’d of thunk it? Oh yeah, everyone. Continue reading
Cheryl Officially “Announces” That She’s Pregnant With A One Direction Baby
Not that she needed to. I doubt anyone has been confusing her stomach situation with pizza bloat. But clearly Cheryl (formerly Cheryl Tweedy Cole Fernandez-Versini) was waiting for the right time and place to officially debut the fetus put inside her by One Direction’s Liam Payne. And that right place just so happened to be in a L’Oreal commercial.
The World Is Getting A One Direction/Girls Aloud Baby
The vocal cords of the Directioners just barely fully healed from hollering out screams of rage over Louis Tomlinson knocking up a trick, and now their vocal cords are going to get jacked up again, because another yodeling One Direction twink is going to be a daddy.
Cheryl Ann Tweedy Cole Fernandez-Versini (who is just going by Cheryl now, Cheryl Tiegs is not amused) and Liam Payne first met when he was just 14 and she was 24. He auditioned for The X-Factor and she was a judge at the time. They are the Celine Dion and Renee Angélil of their time. Cheryl and Liam started doing each other full-time earlier this year, and a few months ago, it was first rumored that his 23-year-old dick shot out the jizz load that knocked her 33-year-old ass up. And at the St. James Christmas Carol Concert in London tonight, Cheryl pretty much 100% confirmed that she’s got a One Direction baby growing in her womb when she showed up looking like a baby is growing in her womb. A source (aka an intern with eyes that can see) tells E! News that Cheryl is pregnant and in her second trimester.
This baby will be the first for both Cheryl and Liam, who was a baby himself about 10 minutes ago.
So I guess, Cheryl from Girls Aloud making a baby with Liam from One Direction is the modern-day equivalent of one of the Backstreet Boys knocking up one of the Spice Girls? Naw, the news of a Backstreet Spice Baby would’ve cracked the earth in two. And hopefully when Cheryl gives birth, the nurse will gently whisper this into the baby’s ear: “Whatever you do, don’t look at your mom’s back. Spare your young, innocent eyes from the pain, child!”
Pics: FameFlynet
Important Update On The Romance Of The Decade
As reported yesterday by hard hitting journalist me and every other major news outlet, Cheryl Tweedy Cole Fernandez-Versini and Liam Payne have been bumping uglies since the end of last year. But, it’s now been confirmed by the King of Kings, Instagram. Liam changed his profile picture (see: above) to one of him and Cheryl after all the beans were spilled on their modern winter summer romance.
A source, via UsWeekly, says that it’s “not serious … but they’re enjoying things,” and that 32-year-old Cheryl and 22-year-old Liam “hates that it’s out there,” but are “kind of relieved at the same time because now they don’t have to be paranoid about getting caught.” I know it must be a nightmare to be hounded day and night by the paps you called, but I say just do what you want. You gotta live.
If Renee Zellweger can take the London tube and not get noticed, why can’t these two pop out for a date night? Here’s a tip, don’t wear giant sunglasses and a big hat, trying to “not get noticed”, and there’s a good chance you won’t get noticed. Anyways, good luck to these two. Mazel Tov. Many joys and blah blah blah. To be totally honest this whole thing smells of STUNT QUEEN to me. Cheryl needs some good PR because of the divorce and she hasn’t been doing all that much lately and Liam is one of the One Directioners that falls into the “other guys” category. Good luck!
Pic: Instagram
Cheryl Tweedy Rebounds With Liam Payne From One Direction
Although spring is a little ways off, love is in the air! Can’t you feel it? Though your toes are numb, your face frozen and you’re hungover – you read DListed, I know you’re hungover, I don’t need my Detective LaToya brand magnifying glass or fingerprint dusting kit to figure that out, my dear Mr. Watson – you can feel the warmth of true love floating through the air and between the empty boxes of wine. Who do we have to thank for this blast of joy? Cheryl Tweedy Cole Fernandez-Versini and Liam Payne!