Category: Bitch Got Banned
Rihanna Might Have Had Rita Ora Banned From Her Met Gala Afterparty
Because Hollywood is basically high school and the Met Gala is basically the prom (the Oscars are really more of an awards ceremony celebrating outstanding achievement in awesomeness or student council elections), it shouldn’t be surprising that one of the cool girls would have one of the desperate wannabes banned from her afterparty. According to The Sun (via The Mirror), Rihanna had her low-budget equivalent Rita Ora banned from her Met Gala afterparty. Looks like we can cross Rita Ora’s name off the list of possible “sources” who saw Bradley Cooper making out with Irina Shayk.
A “source” says that when it came time to make out the guest list for her party, Princess Ooh Na Na made it very clear that her future Legends In Concert look-alike wouldn’t be getting an invitation and that she shouldn’t be let in under any circumstances. The source then went on to add that RiRi “has a real issue with Rita and this was her chance for revenge.” Not only did RiRi deny RitRit a spot on the guest list, she also made things awkward with Rita and Cara Delevingne. Rita and Cara used to be friends, but she’s apparently Rihanna’s friend now.
However, a source close to Rita (so, basically Rita) claims that Rita never planned on going to RiRi’s party because she was going to one hosted by Lady Gaga. That sound you just heard was the entire world shouting “Sure, Jan.”
There’s a million reasons why RiRi would have denied RitRit’s ass, but the most obvious one is that you don’t need two Rihannas at the same party! That’s like going to a 5-year-old’s birthday party and seeing two Elsas. Just pick the better Elsa.
Here’s the Sindy to RiRi’s Barbie leaving Lady Gaga’s afterparty on Monday night. Apparently RitRit has replaced Cara Delevingne with Sienna Miller. Upgrade!
Michael Phelps Got Suspended From Swimming For Six Months
I sometimes watch Dr. Phil (I know, I’m an idiot) and if I’ve learned anything from that super-smart talking walrus, it’s that people have a currency. As in, the thing which means the most to you. For example, my currency is Doritos. Michael K’s is heart-stopping elegance and sophistication. Obviously, Michael Phelps’ currency is swimming – the Geico Cavemen’s handsome half-brother loves to swim. So after getting busted for his second messy DUI last week and volunteering to go to rehab, People says that USA Swimming decided to punish Party Dolphin by suspending him from swimming for six months and forcing him to withdraw from next year’s world championships. They released this statement explaining why:
“Michael’s conduct was serious and required significant consequences. We endorse and are here to fully support his personal development actions.”
USA Swimming says that drinking and driving violates their Code of Conduct, so they also snatched away six months worth of his sweet government funding money. Damn, USA Swimming don’t play! Although really, they only give him $1,750 a month, so that’s – what – $10,000 gone? That’s nothing for Michael Phelps! Hell, that’s nothing for Mama Debbie – she spends at least $2,000 a month on tasteful statement necklaces from Chico’s.
The only real silver lining to all of this is that Party Dolphin already qualified for world championships in Russia next August, which is the thing you do if you want to compete for the Olympics. And since we all know Michael Phelps is the greatest swimmuh IN DA WORLD, this DUI mess probably won’t hurt his chances for taking home 1,864 more gold medals.
But what if there’s a swimming pool at rehab? Isn’t there always a fancy infinity pool at fancy rich person rehab? If you’re going to go through the mental and emotional distress of draining every ounce of party out of your system, at least they can try to make things a little better by letting you get your splish-splash on. So will USA Swimming be hanging out around the pool at Phelps’ rehab to make sure he doesn’t swim? Can he at least be allowed to float on a pool noodle or play marco polo? At least give him marco polo!
Ben Affleck Got Kicked Out Of Another Casino
And I bet that’s the face he made too. “Please don’t kick me out, I NEED this; it’s the only thing that helps me forget about Gigli.”
Last month, security at at the Hard Rock Casino in Las Vegas caught Academy Award-winning asshole Ben Affleck trying to pull a Raymond Babbitt at a blackjack table and banned his dumb ass for counting cards. Then, like a mom who caught one of her son’s friends throw a Nintendo controller in a fit of Contra rage, the Hard Rock Casino called up every other casino in Las Vegas and told them Ben wasn’t allowed back at their house and advised them to do the same.
On May 31st, Ben took a break from filming Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice in Detroit, and took a trip across the border to visit the Caesars Windsor Hotel and Casino in Windsor, Ontario. According to Star (via Radar), news of Blackjack Ben’s shady card counting had traveled north all the way to Canada, and he was promptly kicked out for GWBBA (gambling while being Ben Affleck):
“Ben walked in and went straight to the card games,” an eyewitness in Ontario told the mag. “His hair was a disaster, and he looked like a mess! He sat down and played for roughly 20 minutes before security heard he was there. They made the dealers stop what they were doing and asked him to leave. Ben seemed pretty mad.”
Disheveled? Messy? Angry that he was being pulled away from his beloved cards? Maybe Ben was doing some method actor thing for his role as Batman. In this version, is Bruce Wayne a smug drunk with a compulsive gambling addiction? But seriously, you know Ben’s gambling is out of control when he’s able to get kicked out of a casino in Canada. It’s next to impossible to get kicked out of anything in Canada (they wouldn’t want to be rude).
The Hard Rock Casino Banned Ben Affleck From Playing Blackjack After Catching Him Counting Cards
On Tuesday night at the Hard Rock Casino in Las Vegas, a bunch of lucky people got to watch Ben Affleck get kicked out of the blackjack area after security caught him counting cards. That dumb shit Ben Affleck! Doesn’t he know that casinos don’t like it when you win? You’re not supposed to take their money, they’re supposed to take YOUR money and in exchange they’ll give you a few free vodka and sodas and complimentary tickets to Zumanity.
TMZ says Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner went to Las Vegas earlier this week for a little couple’s vacation before he goes off to Detroit to shoot Superman vs. Batman for months. Since nothing says “romance” like the blackjack table, Ben played a few games at the high rollers’ table before security kicked him out of there for counting cards. Back in 2001, Ben Affleck won $800,000 while playing blackjack at the Hard Rock, so they weren’t about to let him win more of their cash. Counting cards isn’t against the law, but casinos don’t like it.
Radar says that after Ben’s game was killed at the Hard Rock, a bulletin was released to the other Las Vegas casinos letting them know about his tactics:
Afleck “uses perfect basic,” a common term for introductory card counting, according to the alert, “but also takes insurance according to the count. Uses black $100 cheques to keep track of the count while playing.”
Another alert issued the next day to major casinos in the area claimed that Affleck is “currently suspected of advantage play,” according to a copy of that document.
“He has been observed playing blackjack at multiple Las Vegas Strip properties, and is suspected of moving his wagers with the count,” the report notes. “He was reportedly backed off at one off-Strip casino,” referring to the Hard Rock incident
Ben went to rehab in 2001 for gambling and booze issues and supposedly Jennifer Garner’s ass lips throb with anger whenever he gambles. So Ben better put on a fake smile, because he’ll have to make it up to her by participating in a good old staged family photo-op at the Brentwood Country Mart. Smile, Ben!
Beyonce Has Been Banned From The Pyramids
Conspiracy theorists will be very busy today (“I need more coffee! But not Folgers; I heard they had insider information on 9/11“), because Beyonce’s recent trip to the Illuminati Motherland in Egypt didn’t go quite as well as she wanted (“wanted”. Ha! Beyoncé demands). Surely that means something! At what angle did she stand against the Sphynx? How soon after she exited her SUV did she make a triangle with her hand? Did she sacrifice a camel to the New World Order?
These are the questions we’ll never get answers to, because Beyonce’s trip to the Pyramids didn’t last long enough for her to buy a BLUEIVY keychain from the gift shop. According to The Daily News, Beyonce is banned from the Pyramids because she kept her tour guide waiting:
The singer was stopped from seeing the Pyramids because she kept renowned archaeologist Zahi Hawass waiting and refused to apologize, he has revealed.
“Most people I take on tours are very nice and we become friends. But this lady…,” Hawass, the former Egyptian Minister of State for Antiquities, told The Independent newspaper.
“She said she would come at 3 p.m. but she came late. I said ‘You have to say I’m sorry I’m late’. But she didn’t open her mouth.
“I brought a photographer and she also had a photographer and a guard. When my photographer started to shoot, he said ‘No, Stop! I am the one who says yes or no, not you.’ I said ‘In that case since you almost hit my photographer and you are not polite — out! I am not giving you the privilege of having you on my tour.’ I said Beyoncé was stupid and I left.”
“I said Beyoncé was stupid and I left.”
DEAD MAN WALKING.
Pissing off Beyoncé is as dangerous as pissing off Scientology (she’s practically a religion, at least in her mind). Beyoncé served eviction papers to LaTavia Roberson just because she called the good tube-top at the Say My Name video shoot, so what do you think she’ll do to you, Zahi Hawass? Fuck the basement (Solange says hi!), your wife better start making funeral arrangements, because calling Beyoncé stupid has earned you a one-way ticket to Destiny’s Dumpster.
(Pic via Instagram)
No Doubt Bans Their Own Video
No Doubt killed their own video yesterday for “Looking Hot” after many, many people yelled at them for playing “Cowboys & Indians” in it. The video, which shows Gwen Stefani as some kind of white-haired Native American princess who gets tied up by cowboys and does sexy moves in a teepee, was alive on YouTube and Vimeo for just 24 hours before it was yanked down. After No Doubt pulled the video down, they threw an apology up on their website (via HuffPo) where they said they consulted many Native American experts (aka smoked peyote while watching a Bugs Bunny cartoon).
As a multi-racial band our foundation is built upon both diversity and consideration for other cultures. Our intention with our new video was never to offend, hurt or trivialize Native American people, their culture or their history. Although we consulted with Native American friends and Native American studies experts at the University of California, we realize now that we have offended people. This is of great concern to us and we are removing the video immediately. The music that inspired us when we started the band, and the community of friends, family, and fans that surrounds us was built upon respect, unity and inclusiveness. We sincerely apologize to the Native American community and anyone else offended by this video. Being hurtful to anyone is simply not who we are.
– No Doubt
I’m just gonna go ahead and assume that the Native American studies expert they consulted was Cuntess LuMann: