Okay, so the good news is that another biopic is in the works about the tragic life of icon Anna Nicole Smith. And I’m not implying the bad news here is that it might star Lily James (I would never put out such pessimistic energy towards a project about my beloved misunderstood bimbo angel). All we know so far is that The Daily Mail believes that there’s a chance Lily James will once again be bringing her best 90s bubbly blonde bombshell energy in a biopic that might have people once again admitting, “Huh, well what do you know – I guess she does sort of pull it off.”
It’s been thirteen whole years since the iconic Trimspa Baby herself, Anna Nicole Smith, died from a drug overdose. 2007 did us dirty (it also took Tammy Faye!). I often wonder what kind of hijinks Anna Nicole would’ve gotten into in the age of social media (can you imagine those Instagram Lives?), but let’s be real… she was surrounded by pills, money, leeches (does Howard K. Stern ring any bells?), and more pills.
Yesterday Courtney Love, who just announced she’s eighteen months sober, posted a tribute to Anna Nicole on her Instagram with a bunch of photos of the night they met in Vegas after the 2004 World Music Awards. Continue reading
We’re all officially old because the late, great Anna Nicole Smith’s daughter Dannielyn Birkhead looks old enough to drive. Ok, she’s actually only 12 but it seems like yesterday all that sadness with both Anna and her son passing was going on and Dannielyn was the one bright spot in a terrible situation. Well, that was a while ago and she looks lovely posing here, wearing her mom’s hat, with father Larry Birkhead at yesterday’s bizarro Kentucky Derby.
It’s A Tragic Day In Gold Digging History: Anna Nicole Smith’s Estate Has Lost The Battle For J. Howard Marshall’s Millions
After almost 20 years of fighting for a piece of the Marshall family fortune, Team Anna Nicole has lost for the last time and sadly this story won’t end with Dannielynn Birkhead sitting on top of a mountain of diamonds, gold coins and bricks of cash. A gold digger-hating U.S. District judge named Judge David O. Carter put an end to Team Anna Nicole’s attempts at getting some of that Marshall money. Dannielynn Birkhead will probably never see one penny from the Marshall family, because Anna Nicole’s estate is all out of moves.
This gold digging saga started in 1995 when Anna Nicole’s 90-year-old Texas billionaire husband of one year J. Howard Marshall II died and left his entire $1.6 billion estate to his son E. Pierce Marshall and left nothing to Anna and his other son J. Howard Marshall III. Anna Nicole and J. Howard Marshall III fought to overturn the will. They lost. Anna later declared bankruptcy and a bankruptcy court awarded her $475 million. The judge ruled that she had a right to that money due to “E. Pierce Marshall’s improper interference with his father’s estate.” But E. Pierce Marshall appealed and it went all the way to the U.S. Supreme Court where the judgement from the bankruptcy court was overturned twice.
E. Pierce Marshall died in 2006 and Anna Nicole followed him a year later. But the saga continued.
After the Anna Nicole movie starring Willa Ford went straight to the back of the DVD clearance section at Walmart in 2007, everybody screamed, “We want another Anna Nicole movie! We want more!” (FYI: nobody screamed that.) So Lifetime heard our cries and hired the director of American Psycho to shoot another Anna Nicole movie starring Agnus Bruckner as Anna Nicole, Adam Goldberg as Howard K. Stern, Cary Elwes as E. Pierce Marshall, Martin Landau as J. Howard Marshall and Virginia Madsen as Virgie Arthur. Yeah, Virginia Madsen went from Electric Dreams to an Oscar nomination for Sideways to Lifetime’s Anna Nicole movie. Her career keeps climbing toward the stars!
This looks like a wreck with a clown face painted on it, but I will watch every second of it, because I trust the network that gave us the cinematic vomit puddle that was Liz & Dick. But my only questions are, where is Cousin Shelly?! (Lindsay Lohan totally could’ve played that role.) Where is Sugar Pie?! (Lindsay Lohan totally could’ve played that role too.) And where is Assistant Kimmie?! (Lindsay Lohan, sadly, isn’t hot enough to play that role.)
Almost 20 years after Anna Nicole Smith was a Guess girl, her 6-year-old daughter with Larry Birkhead, Dannielynn Birkhead, is starring in a campaign for Guess Kids. There are two things I can’t believe: 1) Dannielynn is six years old and; 2) I’m writing about Guess Jeans. It seems like it was just yesterday when I was begging my mother to buy me Guess acid wash jeans with a matching jacket. One of her co-workers told her there was a Guess store in Tijuana that sold everything for 50% off and so she dragged me one there one weekend. That shit wasn’t Guess label. It was more like GuessWhosGettingTrickedByThisKnockOff label….but I still bought acid wash jeans there.
The NYDN says that Dannielynn’s ads will be all over buses and billboards starting in January. Larry Birkhead says that Guess came to them first and that Dannielynn is really excited about modeling for the same label as her mom. Larry also said that he’s not enrolling in Pimp Mama Kris’ School Of Whoring anytime soon, because this is going to be Dannielynn’s only modeling gig for now:
“People have said she’s already stepping into her mom’s shoes, and that’s very broad. I want to be clear this was just a tribute. She’s still a kid at heart, and she’s going to stay that way as long as possible. It’s really a tribute to her mom more than anything. She’s not going to be a model.
Her mom’s history with Guess was very positive. The ads were iconic and timeless. She asked me if she was going to be on the shopping bags like her mom. She was really excited about it. She had great time on the shoot. It was really just a day at the beach, playing in the sand.”
I just hope Larry is telling the truth and we won’t see Dannielynn as the new face of Trimspa for Kids.
I’m not sure how to feel about this. Dannielynn being in the spotlight is kind of weird, but somebody has to model those clothes and since Honey Boo Boo Chile already has an exclusive contract as the face of Piggy Wiggly’s children’s clothing line, it might as well be Dannielynn.
And these ads would’ve been so much better if Sugar Pie was in them.