Not surprisingly, “Cloverfield” was tops at the box office this weekend. That shit brought in $41 million setting a box-office record with the biggest MLK opening ever. It also broke the record with the biggest January opening. Unfortunately, the same can not be said for Katie Holmes’ “Mad Money.” That shit tanked. It only brought in $7.7 million in over 2,400 locations. The movie cost $22 million to make and Katie apparently only got paid $250,000. She passed on the Batman sequel in order to do this wreck. Good move.

The rest of the list looked like this:

1. Cloverfield – $41 million
2. 27 Dresses – $22.4 million
3. The Bucket List – $15.1 million
4. Juno – $10.2 million
5. National Treasure: Book Of Secrets – $8.1 million
6. First Sunday – $7.8 million
7. Mad Money – $7.7 million
8. Alvin And The Chipmunks – $7 million
9. I Am Legend – $5.1 million
10. Atonement – $4.7 million

I went to see that “Cloverfield” thing, because I buy into hype. I have already completely forgotten what it’s about.

Adnan has denied that Brit Brit filed a restraining order against his ass. It was reported that Brit Brit and Osama showed two paps a restraining order they filed against Adnan, because they felt he was trying to pimp her out to his photo agency. DUH!

Adnan told TMZ, “Everything is and was fine.” He denies the two had a fight and said he has just been in Santa Barbara for the past few days and that Osama has been taking care of her.

TMZ also claims that you can’t file a restraining order, because someone is trying to sell pics of you. I don’t think that would stop Brit Brit. She would try and file a restraining order against her own kids for waking her up. Shit, she should file a restraining order against herself!

Well, Adnan and Brit live on! Great…

Meet the lovely Jean Mansel from Oakfield Township, Michigan. Jean received what has to be one of the hottest ransom notes in history. It seems that a few of Jean’s neighbors are pissed off, because they believe she’s not picking up her dog’s shit. They have kidnapped her statute of Jesus which was in her front yard and are holding it ransom. She received a phone call from a raspy voice. The voice told her to check her mailbox. She did and found this note:

“We are holding Jesus ransom until you clean up the poopie from your wieners and trust us we see you take your wieners for long walks w/out picking up their poopie in our yards. This has upset us dearly so please clean up all the weiner poopie, if you want to see Jesus unharmed. Sincerely, Lindy Lane Residents.”

I really hope Jean puts that shit on eBay, because I will bid on it, frame it and put it over my toilet. That note has so many things going for it: poopies, wieners and Jesus!

Jean claims she picks up her dog’s shit and just wants her Jesus statue back. It’s a family heirloom. She said, “It has to be a young person because they put these lines around Jesus, no adult is going to waste their time doing that. And referring to weiner poopie…my gosh.”

In the name of wiener poopie! Give Jean her Jesus back!

Source

Thanks Pam

Chris Noth and his girlfriend, Tara Wilson, welcomed a baby boy on Friday. Their rep told People, “I am happy to confirm that Chris Noth and Tara Wilson are the proud parents of a happy and healthy baby boy.” He weighed in at 7lbs, 10oz.

They have named him Orion Christopher Noth.

When I first saw the name Orion, I thought I was reading Onion. Onion makes me think of onion rings which makes me think of a double cheeseburger which makes me think of a chocolate shake which makes me really hungry. Any name that immediately conjures up the vision of a well-balanced meal is ok with me.

Honestly though, Orion? Is their baby an 85-year-old man?!

Yes, it’s one of those days. Lindsay Lohan was out yesterday without leggings and not in complete black. Fascinating. Linds was out doing her full-time job, shopping. She still looks like shit. She needs a bath in Oxy to wash off years of spray tanning.

In other Linds news, she’s apparently still set for that guest apperance on “Ugly Betty.” The hot bitch who plays Hilda said it looks like it’s still a go. She said, “It’s unlike anything you’ve seen her play. It’s a really funny character. This will be a Queens storyline, not a Mode story.”

Yes, all boring. Screw all this. Let’s go to church. They serve free wine there. Wait, can you get drunk off communion wine?

Wenn