Angelina Jolie And The Entire Child Army Stormed The Beach At Nobu Malibu

August 28, 2020 / Posted by:

Scene: A glamorous woman, draped head-to-toe in luxurious satin, supine on a velvet settee. She reaches behind her to pick up a vintage mid-century telephone, inlaid with mother of pearl.

Hello, have I reached Nobu? I’d like to reserve your most conspicuous table please. One more small request, I’d like to order dessert ahead. Off-menu of course. Yes, thank you, I’ll have seven servings of revenge, served ice cold. That will be all.

M’aam. Like I said before, this is a Wendy’s.

Goddamit, HILDY! (shouted indelicately into the mansion’s cavernous void) Get me a fucking table at Nobu and tell all them kids to put on some fucking shoes, we’re going out.

That’s how I imagine things went down at Angelina Jolie’s house when she read the news that the father of her children, Brad Pitt, went public with his (probable) new, much younger girlfriend, in the pettiest way possible: by allowing them to get papped on their way to stay at his and Angelina’s old love-shack in France, Chateau Miraval. The place they were married by the same private judge who is currently presiding over their protracted divorce (and to whom Angelina objects).

But unfortunately for Angelina, Entertainment Tonight reports that her objections have gone unheeded and Judge Oudenkirk will remain on the case. So really, what more is there for her to do than other than deploying the entire child army, for the first time in ages, and state her objections the old fashioned way. With a ho stroll for the ages! According to The Daily Mail:

She is still locked in a four-year-long court battle to end her marriage with Brad Pitt, who is now in a new romance with model Nicole Poturalski.

But Angelina Jolie seemed to focus on her children on Thursday as she was seen with her large brood at Nobu Malibu.

The 45-year-old actress stunned in a golden maxi dress and low kitten heels as she headed inside.

She seemed to be joined by all of her six children Maddox, 19, Pax, 16, Zahara, 15, John [per DM, historically, Shiloh], 14, and Knox and Vivienne, 12.

The outing comes after ex Brad’s romance with German model and Angelina lookalike Nicole was revealed.

Here’s the brood exiting the car. Fuck UNICEF, this is Angie’s charity work for the year. Listen to the breathless excitement, these paps are starving out #inthesestreets/valetlots. BenAna is an occasional sandwich, Angelina and all six kids is Thanksgiving dinner.

They sound like a boat full of tourists, who, after hours at sea without a single sighting, finally watch in awe as a humpback whale and her calves, breach before their very eyes. Here’s more from the scene. Poor Vivian, as always, looks like she’d rather be just about anywhere else.

Hey, now how did that get in there?!?! There’s good old Judge Oudenkirk. Here’s what he had to say about Angelina’s accusations that he failed to disclose the extent of his professional relationship with Brad’s attorney (via ET):

Court documents obtained by ET on Wednesday show Judge John W. Ouderkirk’s response to Angelina Jolie’s efforts to have him removed from her and Brad Pitt’s divorce case.  Ouderkirk declares he has no personal bias or prejudice concerning any party‚ attorney or any other person participating in this case. Further, he denies under penalty of perjury that he has failed to disclose multiple professional, business, and financial relationships, created and ongoing during the course of this matter, with Respondent’s counsel and their law firms in which Judge Ouderkirk was privately compensated.

“I will continue to consider accepting other cases as other additional cases may arise from time to time while the Jolie/Pitt case is still pending. Such other cases might involve party, lawyer‚ law firm and/or witnesses involved in the Jolie/Pitt matter,” Ouderkirk states in the docs.

Looks like Angie’s stuck with him, from the cradle to the grave (RIP Jolie-Pitt Marriage: 2014-????).

Pic: Backgrid

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