I really should be trolling Craigslist Los Angeles for posts from royal lonely gingers who are looking for friends, but instead I’m here writing about a royal lonely ginger who is looking for friends. Priorities: mine are not in check.
As Emily Giffin frantically writes Something Blue Is Ginger about a sad ginger prince whose diabolically evil trash wife keeps him trapped in their mansion and alienates him from his family while refusing to put pants on her baby (Will CPS please step in?!), a source tells Vanity Fair that PHG is a little lost after moving to Los Angeles since he doesn’t have friends or a purpose at the moment. He shouldn’t be too surprised about that since I’m pretty sure that on Los Angeles’ welcome sign are the words: The Home Of No Real Friends And No Real Purpose BUT Lots Of Hiking!
When Meghan moved to England, she apparently didn’t have many friends and probably felt like a fancy fish out of water, so now it’s PHG’s turn. The source claims that even though PHG is doing a lot of conference calls with friends and colleagues, and is working on his and Meghan’s charity Archewell, he doesn’t have much structure and feels a little lost. Bitch, that’s all of us!
“He has a lot of friends in the military community in the UK and of course he misses them. This is a very strange time for us all, but I think Harry is missing having a structure to his life right now. He doesn’t have friends in L.A. like Meghan and he doesn’t have a job. So at the moment he’s a bit rudderless, but it won’t always be like this, and he knows that.”
Fuck this source for using a word that I had to look up. No, I don’t mean “think” or “the,” I mean “rudderless.” When I think of a rudder, I think of that long hard piece on a boat or a plane, so obviously my gutter brain thinks of that long hard piece on PHG. So damn them for making me think of PHG without a peen. “Um, well it makes sense since Meghan already took his balls,” said Emily Giffin.
Entertainment Tonight says that PHG isn’t just sitting in the corner, playing Words With No Friends on his phone. He and Prince William are trying to patch up the cracks in their relationship and are talking again.
As we all know, PHG had to give up his military titles when he chose to stop being a senior royal. So, let’s see, he misses the military and needs a friend in Los Angeles. I could always use a friend in Los Angeles, and I’m not too much into role-playing, but I guess I could put on a military uniform for PHG. Just call me Private Gobblecock! Hey, it’s a British name, you dirty bitches.