Bad news for Prince Andrew. FBI doesn’t stand for Father of the Bride Instruction, an organization that will volunteer to teach him how to walk Princess Beatrice down the aisle without making it look like he is secretly wishing he was back at Eugenie’s wedding, where the general public wasn’t yet aware of just how allegedly creepy he is. We’re talking about the Federal Bureau of Investigation, the one that has been investigating the August 2019 death of Andrew’s sometimes-friend and alleged underage girl trafficker Jeffrey Epstein. According to The New York Post, the FBI is now very interested in pulling Prince Andrew into it.
It’s starting to look like Queen Elizabeth might suggest Andrew start praying for a legal miracle the next time they roll into church on Sunday, because Buckingham Palace might not be able to protect him from this. According to sources, the FBI doesn’t care that Prince Andrew is, well, a Prince. They have decided to move forward with an investigation to identify more of Jeffrey Epstein’s victims that might possibly be able to offer new or additional information on Prince Andrew.
“The US investigation is focusing on several potential victims in the hope that they can provide more details about Prince Andrew and his connection to the Epstein case,” sources from the US Department of Justice told the outlet. “They are not going to dismiss it [claims relating to Andrew] because he is a royal.”
As it currently stands, we have Prince Andrew denying that he was ever close friends with Jeffrey Epstein, and that he was just so shocked and horrified to learn was running a sex trafficking ring for wealthy and powerful people. This, despite there being photographic evidence of Prince Andrew in Jeffrey Epstein’s house standing next to a teenage Virginia Giuffre (who has accused Andrew of rape) and Jeffrey’s right-hand lady Ghislane Maxwell. And reports from a former palace police officer who claims Andrew used to secretly entertain Ghislane and young random women at the palace. And an allegation that Andrew got a foot massage inside Jeffrey’s house by a young woman. The FBI is reportedly ready to dig up more dirt, and I’ve got a feeling they won’t have to push their shovel in very hard. Andrew’s situation feels more like a shallow grave that could be uncovered by a gentle spring breeze.
The Post’s source says that the FBI has been speaking with Scotland Yard regarding their extended investigation, which will reportedly take place in the next coming months. Sources claimed last month that Andrew is willing to speak to British and U.S. police regarding this situation. Any talking will probably involve him wiping away flop sweat with an 18th Century hanky while nervously swearing that neither he nor his feet know any of the women that allegedly know him. And it sounds like he’s going to have to wring out that hanky a couple times, because there are a lot of women.
“About 100 of Epstein’s victims are expected to form part of the FBI’s investigation, most of whom were between 14 and 15 years old when they were lured into Epstein’s circle. More than 80 have already been identified.”
Tomorrow is October, which means this investigation could potentially be over by Christmas. And what a wonderful Christmas gift it would be to see the FBI bust into Buckingham Palace like the police in Christmas Vacation. Especially for Duchess Meghan, who would no doubt appreciate the diversion in negative publicity. Although I’m sure at least one tabloid would spin the headline to read: DUCHESS MEGHAN HEARD CALLING TRADITIONAL FRUITCAKE “GROSS” JUST MOMENTS BEFORE ANDREW GOT ARRESTED.