Cardi B And Offset Are Back Together

January 31, 2019 / Posted by:

Welp, that publicity stunt break up lasted almost a full two months. Longer than I thought it would. Kudos to them. “Sources” are telling TMZ that Cardi B and Offset have decided to move on from all the cheating and get back together. And with Cardi’s new foray into politics, she’ll need a man to stand next to her on podiums when she gives rousing campaign speeches.

Cardi has moved back into the home in Atlanta where they lived together before they broke up.  This is the first time Cardi has been there since December. I guess all that money Offset spent trying to win her back finally paid off? Or they looked at their shared iCalendar and both read the note from a publicist saying: “Get back together today!”

Apparently there were multiple signs they were going to get back together, and not just all that sex they kept having, or when they rode those jet skis. Cardi posted last week on her Instagram story a picture of Offset with the caption: “I wanna go home.” And so she did, because Offset has given in to some ground rules.

Rule one: New phone number. Rule Two: Only Cardi and business relations will call him. Rule Three: NO HOES! Yes, Offset will have to keep himself off the groupie tricks who throw themselves at his highly appealing sexual energy as Cardi B has implemented a strict “no groupies” stipulation. So that means this weekend at the Super Bowl appearances Offset has lined up, he will not be allowing “any female fans near him”.

I am sad we’ll never get another dramatic video of one of Offset’s side-chicks crying while she selfie-records a message of guilt over speaking with a married man. I shouldn’t say never, but we will have to wait a few months, or weeks, or days, or hours (I’m pretty sure I hear the sound of a side-chick uploading a dramatic video after Offset cheating with her last night).


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