Bulge Factor

Meet Steve, just a regular dude with a mullet who wanted to give the world a little taste of his soothing singing voice, but instead gave us an eyeful (and throatful, ugh).

On UK’s The X-Factor over the weekend, Steve sang “It’s My Party” while the judges and audience laughed at the major party going on in his crotch area. And what in the Elephantitis hell is going on in his crotch area? Steve either has a major case of Cisco Adler-itis or he’s got peen for daaaaaays. Or maybe he stuffed a Susan Boyle doll down there for good luck?

Poor Steve. All he wants to do is sing, but his big bulge just won’t let him be great.

FYI: Macaulay Culkin Is Not The Father

Joe Jackson can stop trying to produce a remake of Home Alone starring Blanket Jackson, because Macaulay Culkin is not his biological father. Earlier today, The Sun wrote up an interesting fairy tale about how Macaulay donated sperm which was used to conceive Blanket. Side-eyes galore!

TMZ contacted Macaulay’s rep who said this: “The inquiries are too preposterous for us to even acknowledge.”

Yes, his rep used the word “preposterous.” Yes, his rep might be Mary Poppins. Yes, spokeswhores should definitely use the word “preposterous” more often.

The Cheetokini Watch Is Back On

It’s been nearly two weeks since we’ve seen Brit Brit’s hocks and loins stuffed into a bikini and I was beginning to get worried (not really). Thank Cheesus Brit Brit was back in a two piece while vacationing with Jamie Lynn, Daddy Spears and the rest of her family in Miami. Yeah, it was a little family reunion. I’m sure they nibbled on possum croquettes and beef jerky ceviche while comparing skidmarks. Regular family bonding stuff.

Here’s more of Our Lady of Cheetos with all her favorite Cheetolings yesterday. And no, that fourth martini you had at lunch is not the reason why these pictures are blurry. They’re just like that.

Blind Items: I Guess, You Guess

This permanent B list television and film actor and Golden Globe winner/nominee has had a string of normal sexual relationships with the women in his life. It is only when he is with men that he explores his more umm eccentric pleasures. He loves nothing more than to be spanked and whipped. Umm, yeah, sounds like fun. (CDAN)

Not Jeremy Piven due to the “normal” part. My guesses are Gabriel Byrne, Bill Paxton or Ben Affleck? I’m sticking with the Bs.

This game show host thinks of himself as a rock star and loves nothing more than to find groupies of the show he can take back to his dressing room so he can get some rock star treatment if you know what I mean. (CDAN)

My first thought was Howie Mandel, but dude can’t even shake a bare hand let alone a bare vagina. Purell doesn’t make condoms yet. So my guesses are Hulk Hogan (American Gladiators), Wayne Brady or Drew Carey?

We thought we knew every move this Award-winning girl made. After all, she loves to be seen with high-profile and very wealthy men, and she never shies away from publicity. Therefore, we were a little red-faced to suddenly discover that she has allegedly been dating someone for over a year. If you are a fan of hers, you certainly know who he is, as you’ve seen them together many times. We just can’t believe that she’s been so devious as to hide the romantic side of their relationship from the public for this long. (Blind Gossip)

Kathy Griffin and Tour Manager Tom?!!!? Is that why Jessica isn’t on the show anymore? She had a crush on Tom too and it was a giant love triangle?! Escandalo! Okay, I’m totally making shit up.

Afternoon Crumbs

Vadge isn’t the only one who cares about gypsies – Popeater

When Playboy is no longer taking your calls, Twitter your titties – Hollywood Tuna

There must be a giant dick running behind Katie Holmes – Popsugar

Squinty Zellweger and B.Coop are still main homegirls – Lainey Gossip

The other dude from Twilight in Teen Vogue – Just Jared

Morena Baccarin from Firefly isn’t wearing any clothes – Egotastic!

Kate Walsh and her coochie cutters for the lord (site NSFW) – Drunken Stepfather

Lil’ Grandpa needs to calm her dick down – Towleroad

Mark this day in your calendars, because Sarah Harding doesn’t look utterly wasted – Holy Moly!

And this is how Miss Tits4Jesus is trying to become relevant – Celebitchy

News you can snooze to: Ceiling Eyes is leaving The Hills – ICYDK

Breaking! Kristin Cavawhatever can hold a glass and walk at the same time – Cityrag

What’s worse than having to drink gallons of barley water? Being photographed with Miley Cyrus – Hollywood Rag

It was nice of AnnaLynne McCord to give a truck stop stripper’s hosuit a second life – I’m Not Obsessed

K.D. Lang will always find a way to get in your shot – SOW

Hot Slut Of The Week: Tiny

Birthday: July 14, 1975
Age: 34
Birth Name: Tameka Cottle

Original Date of HS of the Day: August 26, 2009
Claim to Fame: Tiny was an original member of the 90s girl group Xscape. After the group broke up, Tiny wrote the Grammy-winning song “No Scrubs” for TLC (with Kandi from RHOA). Tiny has also worked with Lil’ Kim and Bow Wow on music stuff.

Recently, Tiny starred in her reality show Tiny & Tonya for BET. The season finale of the show gave BET its highest ratings ever. Tiny is currently doing fucky times with T.I. Well, not currently currently, because his ass is marinating in a prison cell.

Where is she now? Um. Probably sitting in her vacant nail shop, chewing gum and fluffing up her wings.

Why is she HS of the Week? Because I really have no idea what she’s saying, but I’m still hard up for her. And because she’s like the magical elf version of Mimi (sans the Hello Kitty shit). Mini-Mimi!