When Daft Punk, Pharrell, Stevie Wonder and Nile Rodgers busted out a performance “Get Lucky” with a side of “Le Freak” and “Another Star” at the Grammys last night, the audience magically transformed into rave night at the retirement home. Who spiked the tapioca pudding with Ecstasy? I came for Pharrell’s Mountie hat on steroids, which looked like it was eating his tiny Doberman puppy head, and I stayed for the memaws and pepaws showing those young whores how to really serve up some piping hot moves. Put those replaced hips to work, bitches!
Every time the camera cut to the audience, my eyes were gifted with a new jewel. They gave us Paul McCartney awkwardly snap dancing like a sober grandpa who just dropped E and is waiting for it to kick in (aka like me at my first rave). They gave us Steven Tyler rolling out some Solid Gold moves. And Yoko Ono did this:
I don’t even know what that is, but I wanted to see more of it. It’s probably some kind of super powerful band wrecking curse and we should all expect Daft Punk to release a statement today saying that they have broken up and will never work together again. Yoko Ono’s band wrecking powers are alive and well and more powerful than ever!
And here’s Yoko, Sean Lennon and Sean’s girlfriend Charlotte Kemp Muhl looking like the members of an Amish traveling circus at the Grammys last night. I also threw in pictures of Jack Skellington’s body twin Steven Tyler wearing my First Communion suit while posing like a freshmen at Barbizon.
If you ever wondered what it would look like if The Great Gatsby’s personality and Wall Street’s internal organs were shoved into American Psycho’s body, here’s your answer. Above is the trailer for Martin Scorsese’s The Wolf of Wall Street which stars his muse Leonardo DiCatchAHo, Jonah Hill, The Texas T-Rex, Kyle Chandler, Joanna Lumley and the Victoria’s Secret model version of Emma Stone known as Margot Robbie. The Wolf of Wall Street is about some Wall Street type who… Oh, who gives a shit. The only thing that matters is that this trailer has midget tossing, a monkey in roller skates, a flying lobster, The Texas T-Rex playing the chest drums and THIS:
Leo is popping and locking for that Oscar. And if they really want an Oscar, they’ll submit this shit in the documentary category, because this is basically Leonardo DiCatchAHo’s life set in the 90s.
That’s almost the same dance I did when Dlisted started loading again. …Well, except for this graceful electro swan’s got sweet, diabetes-inducing moves and my moves are more like wet salt. This certified ass shaker needs to teach Miley Cyrus how to really fart silver glitter while shaking that ass. When he fell back, I fell back. It’s like The Matrix on E. Anyyouknowyouregoingtopinchyournipstothislater….
The site is on its way to being normal (well, as normal as Dlisted can be) again (although, was it ever normal?). Thanks for dealing with the bare bones SANS FARDS website yesterday and Dlisted feels better now that it’s wearing its Wet ‘n Wild blue eyeshadow again. There’s still some glitches to slap down and things to tweak. The comment section is closed and will open up again early next week. I know, it feels weird not being able to go into the comments to read some of the disgusting shit you sucio whores say. One time I went in there and a commenter defended Kate Gosselin hard. Sick and twisted thoughts!
And wait, did that dude just do The Twist while Riverdancing? All hail the new Lord of ALL Dances.
When you come across a horny cougar in the wild and she busts into her mating call dance, it’s best to sit really still and don’t make eye contact, which is exactly what Lenny Kravitz did at Chanel’s Art Basel party in Miami last night. I don’t know if Lenny is flipping the photographer off for capturing this hilariously awkward moment or he’s flipping himself off for putting himself in that position. Whatever the case may be, I see Demi Moore eyeing his middle finger the same way a cat-in-heat eyes the tip of a Q-tip. Jump it, ride it, break it, Demi.
Demi was at the Chanel party with her new 20-something piece and when she wasn’t sticking her tongue down his mouth hole, she was riding the beat bareback-style. Lenny Kravitz looks like a cross between a kid who’s embarrassed by his mom and a tortured prisoner who is too stunned to move. It looks like Demi is doing the Stanky Leg, the Funky Chicken and the one-ho Lambada all at once. Stacy Keibler should be taking notes, because if she served moves like that to George Clooney, he would’ve married her a million times over by now.
And no, the dude in the navy blazer doesn’t speak for us all. I don’t ever want Demi to stop. Because the beat stops if Demi isn’t whipping it with her hot, sweet moves.