A Heckler Almost Came Between Chris Christie And His Nachos

Chris Christie is the shady mastodon who runs New Jersey and is disliked by the majority of his constituents (note the poll results). He’s known for ridiculous behavior in public. One of his most recent stunts was when he turned a closed-due-to-budget-deficits state beach into a private one for him and his family on a national holiday. He’s also the guy who will allegedly allow employees to do time for him so he can get away with corrupt schemes involving bridges. He’s an all-around pillar of the community!

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Behold, Chris Christie Giving You Camel Toe, Moose Knuckle And Everything In Between

Mimi and CoCo better step their meaty pussy game up, because a cuntender has arrived out of absolutely nowhere and is threatening to steal away their title as masters of the suffocating crotch.

Chris Christie, the Governor of New Jersey and possible presidential candidate, played in a celebrity softball game for charity at Yankee Stadium yesterday and he answered the question, “What would it look like if a camel and a moose held hooves while watching a sunset together?” Chris Christie’s got the entire pedicure department of a zoo up in his baseball pants. That’s a camel toe/moose knuckle situation that could stop traffic on a bridge.

Usually, when you see someone with a crotch that looks like a tightly-wrapped soft fortune cookie, you take a picture for your Camel Toe and Moose Knuckle Hall of Fame scrapbook and then you wonder if anybody told them about the tangled mess that’s happening down below. Maybe somebody did tell Chris Christie that those tight baseball pants made his balls look like two newborn hamsters spooning. Maybe he didn’t care. Maybe his crotch looking like donkey lips blowing a kiss is his way of throwing shade at the Democrats.

If Chris Christie don’t care, he should put that on his campaign poster, because being proud of his juicy camel toe game is a selling point.

Pics: Getty, AP via The Superficial 

Panty Creamer Of The Day: Chris Christie Bounces That FUPA On The Tonight Show

Cover the seat of your chair with Bounty and lay down the tarp, because it’s going to get messy. On The Tonight Show last night, Jimmy Fallon followed up his “Evolution of Mom Dancing” with Michelle Obama by bringing out the pride of New Jersey Governor Chris Christie to give his titty meat dumplings whiplash and hit the faces of the angels with his bouncing FUPA while doing the “Evolution of Dad Dancing” for Father’s Day.

The Tonight Show brought out Chris Christie, because they obviously have deals with mop companies and knew the sight of the Great Pumpkin of the Garden State thrusting his body like the Kool-Aid Man in Magic Mike while his pants were pulled up to his nipples would bring forth a tsunami of panty pudding. Chris Christie did it, because he figured that his hot, sweet, juicy moves would temporarily distract people from all of his scandals. I mean, it’s hard for people to judge Chris Christie while they’re setting their eyeballs on fire.

And I guess Rob Ford is still in rehab or hiding out in the basement of a crack house or something, because this should’ve been him. That floor would’ve been moist and I mean that literally because the crack sweat would’ve spewed out of his pores as he thrusted his crotch.