A couple of months ago, Page Six said that 53-year-old Brad Pitt and 35-year-old Sienna Miller were flirting with each other at a dinner after the premiere for The Lost City of Z. That made sense since it seems like Brad’s tip gets moist for famous boho hos and Sienna loves high drama. Sienna farted on that rumor by saying it was “predictable and silly.” But The Sun says that at Glastonbury over the weekend, Brad and Sienna had their hands all over each other backstage and couldn’t stop “stroking” one another. We all know what they mean by “stroking,” (or do we?) but let me just have the image of Brad Pitt and Sienna Miller stroking each other’s fuck parts in front of a crowd who wondered if they were on a serious kind of molly and hallucinating or if PiSi was on a serious kind of molly.
What someone should ask Sienna is if that alien lobster tail on her head is sillier than the rumor that she got flirty with Brad.
Earlier this week, I repeated a rumor from Page Six about how Sienna Miller and Brad Pitt flirted with each other at a dinner after the Hollywood premiere of The Lost City of Z, which she’s in and he executive produced. Hearing that Sienna and Brad did the pre-fuck time ceremony together (aka flirting) is like hearing that a Kartrashian bared her naked oiled-up ass on Instagram. You don’t even bother shrugging because it’s something that it’s inevitable and you don’t want to strain your shoulders. But Sienna isn’t amused.
It took long enough, but someone finally matched up the former Homewrecker Queen of Hollywood Sienna Miller and noted cheating tramp slut Brad Pitt. Brad Pitt is an executive producer on The Lost City of Z and Sienna Miller’s in that shit. The movie had its Hollywood premiere last week, and Page Six says that at a dinner afterward, Sienna and Brad were “seriously flirting.” If Sienna was “seriously flirting” with Brad while he was dressed like this, she was either drunker than me after doing my taxes or she really gets the down-low tingles for pepaw clothes.
After a day of posts about Lyme disease fakers, Suge Knight shit, Shia LaBeouf going nuts again and the death of Don Rickles, what we all need is a dose Charlie Hunnam in a suit. I won’t even ruin this moment by copy and pasting a new quote he dribbled out about ignoring his girlfriend for months for the sake of his art. Not today.
Charlie, seen above working a Parasite Hilton wonk eye, put on his best movie star drag for last night’s Hollywood premiere of The Lost City of Z. Charlie has a true Hollywood glow about him and I’m talking about that damn thick bronzer. Charlie’s makeup artist must’ve set the bronzer gun to “Real Housewife At A Reunion Show” and went wild. Trick looks like he’s been making out and rubbing his face against Mr. Jay from America’s Next Top Model, and yes I want pictures.
Charlie is also the opposite of Stephanie “Excuse My Beauty” Yellowhair, because while she likes tans on her legs, not face, he likes tans on his face, not the rest of his body. Charlie is new-ish to this movie star thing, so I’ll forgive him for not matching his hands to his face.
And here’s more pictures from last night’s premiere including Robert Pattinson (working hair that I’m guessing was cut by a hyperactive toddler with safety scissors), Sienna Miller (who wore a dress made of crib skirts) and a skinny Brad Pitt who was dressed like a grandpa going to an off track betting place.
In case you didn’t know that Robert Pattinson and FKA Twigs are still together, he made it perfectly clear that they are by wearing outfits that she obviously laid out on the bed for him.
RPattz is at the Berlin International Film Festival, pimping out his movie The Lost City of Z, and at a photo call yesterday, he dressed like an insomniac hacker in a Dystopian thriller. And at the premiere of his movie today, he showed us that you can take the trick out of the vampire movies, but you can’t take the vampire look out of the trick. It looks like Edward Cullen moved to Berlin where by day, he sleeps in a coffin in the back room of the art gallery owned by an older woman, who is also his new lovah. And by night, he plays the keyboards in a Soft Cell tribute band and sells drugs at goth clubs. I don’t know whether I want him to glamour me or sell me Ecstasy in the last stall in the bathroom.
And if I was anywhere near RPattz, I would’ve said, “Now Iz Ze Time On Schprockets Ven Ve Dance!”, because I’d want to see him serve up these hot malfunctioning robot moves:
Nearly every dude in high school who was really into The Cure wore RPattz’s look to the prom. FKA Twigs needs to keep laying his clothes out for him, because this is the look, all the way. And here’s more of RPattz giving you vampire Zoolander as well as pictures of Panty Creamer Hall of Famer, Charlie Hunnam, in a suit and Sienna Miller in Dior boxer briefs.
Ben Affleck’s standalone Batman movie hasn’t even started shooting yet and it’s already turning into a bigger wreck than Batman & Robin (although, it’s one of my favorite thanks to Vivica A. Fox’s important cameo appearance as Ms. B. Haven). When The Batman was first announced, Warner Bros. said that Ben would be writing, directing and starring in it. But then Ben dropped out as director and Matt Reeves was brought in as his replacement. Now there’s a rumor that Ben doesn’t even want to star in it anymore and is done with playing Batman. “You’re late to the party, bitch, we were done with you playing Batman the day it was announced,” screamed millions of tricks to Ben.