In case you didn’t know, Ellen Pompeo is that bitch. She recently signed an insane deal to become the highest paid woman in dramatic television. She’s on a little show called Grey’s Anatomy which I will admit to still watching after 14 seasons. And that’s real seasons as in years, not one of Tyra’s little “cycles”. In a recent interview with The Hollywood Reporter (which is worth a full read), Ellen talks about the long, hard road she walked to get more than$20 million a year. You won’t be surprised to learn that is was no thanks to Patrick Dempsey.
TMZ says that the status of Patrick Dempsey’s marriage has been upgraded from “critical” to “stable.”
Almost 22 months ago, Patrick’s wife Jillian Dempsey got tired of him being a dick and filed divorce papers to end their (then) 15-year marriage. Then a year ago, there was word that they put off plans to divorce. Cupid must have replaced his arrows with Spanish Fly-dipped blow darts and paid Patrick and Jillian a couple extra visits between then and now, because she has recently filed documents asking for her divorce petition to be dismissed. TMZ says a week after she filed, a court threw the divorce out. So Patrick and Jillian are officially not splitting up.
Patrick and Jillian have three kids together, so this also means there will be no messy custody fight. Jillian has been dropping hints they’re still together by posting pictures of Patrick on Instragram.
But what brought them back together? I assumed that their reunion was the result of Patrick reforming his asshole attitude after receiving a reality check in the form of getting killed off Grey’s or successfully passing Jillian’s on-set side piece sniff test. TMZ says it came down to Patrick keeping a promise he made not to spend so much time racing cars. Well, that’s just great for Patrick and Jillian. Sadly, this also means there’s a whole bunch of heartbroken race cars out there who are weeping motor oil tears over the news that Patrick has chosen his wife over them. Even though he swore he was getting a divorce. Those poor cars. And don’t tell me those cars don’t care. I’ve seen Pixar’s Cars, I know cars have feelings.
The last Bridget Jones’ movie came out over 11 years ago, but because the “crying lonely tears on a log of raw cookie dough after a break-up” set will throw their money at a third movie, a third movie has been shot and the one-time master squinter formerly known as Squinty Zellweger debuted the first trailer on Ellen today. As anyone who has been following this shit knows, they threw out the plot of the third Bridget Jones book and did a new story based on the columns that author Helen Fielding wrote for The Independent in 2005.
In Bridget Jones’s Baby, Bridget is still an awkward klutz, but now she’s a 40-year-old awkward klutz who is knocked up with a Maury baby. Bridget doesn’t know if the dude who raw-dogged a baby into her womb is her ex-husband (yeah ex) Mark Darcy or a hot billionaire piece played by Patrick Dempsey. Bridget tells both of them that they’re the father and HIJINKS (including HIJINKS involving Dr. Emma Thompson) ensue! I know, Bridget Jones really needs a shameless gold digger friend in her life to advise her that she needs to tell Patrick Dempsey that he’s really the father, and if the baby comes out looking like Darcy in the face, take the baby on a long-visit to her mom’s house (read: take the baby to get back alley plastic surgery to look like Patrick Dempsey in the face). Heather Mills would’ve played the role of the gold digger friend flawlessly. What a missed opportunity!
And I’m really surprised that the UK hasn’t announced that they’re experiencing a Vaseline shortage, because it’s obvious that every jar was smeared on all of the camera lenses while making this.
I can’t read minds, but I’m sure both Viola Davis and Ellen Pompeo are both thinking: “Everything is good! So good! It’s good that she does the things she does! I love you!” Shonda Rhimes IS Anthony Freemont!
During a recent appearance on The Nightly Show With Larry Wilmore to promote her book, The Year of Yes (which I’m sure will get turned into an insanely-successful TV show by ABC, because everything Shonda Rhimes touches turns to money), Shonda Rhimes was asked if she’s ever knocked-off a character because the actor was chapping her ass. Ha! I’m sure Patrick Dempsey could answer that for you. Or Katherine Heigl. Or any of the other actors who found a Notice of Eviction taped to the door of their trailer after an on-set fight with Shonda Rhimes. Shonda has said before that she has a “No assholes” policy when it comes to actors, so her answer isn’t exactly surprising.
“Yes, and I’m not naming names.”
If you really want to see Shonda’s face light up when thinking about all the hos she’s sent to the unemployment line, you can watch it here.
Shonda doesn’t name names, but if those “McDreamy is a McDifficult Bitch” rumors from the set of Grey’s Anatomy are any clue, then it’s probably him. Then again, maybe the whole “I’m not naming names” thing could be that it was some nameless background actor who asked to borrow $5 from Shonda Rhimes and never paid her back? Yeah, it’s probably Patrick Dempsey.
See, this is why TV world is so much better than the real world. In the real world, when one of your co-workers eats the last of your PopTarts from the staff room, you can’t do shit besides silently cursing them out at your desk. But in TV world, all it takes is a trip to the writer’s room with a post-it note reading: “…and then that snack-stealing asshole is abducted by aliens and never seen again.” Problem solved!
Around 10 months ago, Patrick Dempsey’s wife of 15 years and the mother of his three kids filed papers to legally kill their marriage the same way that Shonda Rhimes allegedly killed his employment on Grey’s Anatomy. Shonda apparently labeled Patrick as a bona fide asshole and his wife Jillian Dempsey may have co-signed that, because there was a rumor that his overinflated ego was the reason why she filed for divorce. Well, either Jillian has decided to stick with Patrick even though he’s about as fun as a torn anus (No, I am not speaking from experience… maybe) or scientists have invented an anti-asshole vaccine. Because Jillian and Patrick were seen holding hands in Paris over the weekend. (Side note: Maybe the pap took that picture right when they started to hold hands, but that shit looks awkward and looks like the way you’d hold the hand of someone you hate while doing a prayer circle.)
Patrick is in the UK shooting Bridget Jones’s Baby and People says that Jillian is traveling through Europe to do Jennifer Lawrence’s makeup for the Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 2 press tour. On Sunday, Patrick and Jillian hung out in Paris where they rode bikes, went to a museum, strolled around and took selfies while looking like they just fell out of a J. Crew catalog.
These two don’t have a prenup and the 100% reliable Celebrity Net Worth says that Patrick’s net worth is $60 million. (I’m guessing 95% of his fortune came from residuals from the masterpiece Can’t Buy Me Love.) Jillian wanted spousal support, child support and joint custody of their kids. But now all of that may be off.
Um, this is not how it works in Hollywood. They’re not supposed to get back together! They’re supposed to leak crappy stories about each other to TMZ and then they’re supposed to drag each other’s name through a shit puddle during interviews. Then Patrick is supposed to move on by getting engaged to a 20-year-old trick 3 weeks after dating. That’s how it works. Will somebody let these two not-knowers know that?!
And here’s more completely natural pictures of Patrick and Jillian in Paris.
Just a week before McDreamy floated off to heaven on Grey’s Anatomy, there was a story in Page Six about how Patrick Dempsey was about to get fired, because he replaced Katherine Heigl as the resident cuntified asshole. Well, now InTouch Weekly and Radar say that Patrick didn’t only get fired because he was a diva. Patrick also got fired for allegedly putting his wandering peen into the poon of a much younger intern. Apparently, both Shonda Rhimes and Ellen Pompeo weren’t having it. I’m sure you didn’t read any of that, because you were too busy trying to trace McDreamy’s peen print with your eyes in that picture.
A source says that while Patrick was still with his now estranged wife Jillian Finke, he regularly fucked on a Grey’s intern. A source says that Patrick and the intern started doing it in August and when Ellen Pompeo found out, she told Shonda Rhimes and his wife whom she’s friends with. Shonda Rhimes has no time for married actors humping on her interns, so she killed his character off even though he still had a year on his contract. A source says that on top of Bill Clintoning an intern, Patrick also bitched and moaned about storylines and not getting enough screen time.
Radar’s source says that before he was fired, Patrick was suspended and the side piece intern was moved off of the set and into Shonda’s production offices. When Patrick came back from the time out corner, things didn’t get any better.
“There were lingering feelings of anger towards Patrick, and it was only getting worse. This is when he began showing up late, not remembering lines. Shonda had no other choice but to fire him.”
Patrick Dempsey’s spokeswhore stamped the word “LIES” on both Radar and InTouch’s story. InTouch had the story up this morning, but yanked it down a few hours later. Some figured that Patrick’s lawyers got to them, but InTouch’s editor tells Jezebel that nobody threatened them with a lawsuit. It was just a mistake. The story is still in their print issue. It was never supposed to be online.
If this is true, then Shonda Rhimes is the one who is clearly in the wrong here. Shonda is in the wrong, because she should’ve turned the cameras around a long time ago and shot the behind-the-scenes foolery instead of the show. The mess happening behind-the-scenes (see: This, Katherine Heigl, Isaiah Washington, etc…) is juicier and more dramatic than the show itself. Who cares about McWhoever and that Meredith chick? I want to see shots of Patrick walking out of his trailer while Febrezing his crotch, because he doesn’t want anyone to smell the intern cooch juices on him. I also want to see shots of the writers farting in Katherine Heigl’s Gatorade. Now THAT is some Emmy-worthy shit.
And I see you shameless sluts Googling the question: “What show is Patrick Dempsey working on right now and how can I be an intern on it?“