God bless ya if you’ve been able to keep up with all the fucking Avengers running around here these days. Just looking at the poster for the upcoming Avengers: Endgame movie takes so much concentration. I keep thinking I’m supposed to eventually see a sailboat or some shit. It’s a mess, and it gives me a throbbing, Thanos’ dick-sized migraine. But the poster isn’t nearly as much of a mess as the red carpet for last night’s premiere of Avengers: Endgame: Too Many Spidermen. Not only was every Groot, Korg and Kraglin Obfonteri from the movies there, all the Marvel universe TV characters were there too. It must have been the least exclusive guest list to hit Hollywood since the premiere of Gotti. I mean, they even let Colin Jost in!
Well, it’s taken her two years, but Miley Cyrus has finally enacted her revenge on Bono for saying music is “too girly” these days. Miley came hard for all that Bono holds dear by marching her ass out to the desert and grinding her slimy girly parts all over one of his precious Joshua trees. But don’t worry, she wore protection (in the form of a head-to-toe, floral bodysuit). Suck it Bono! Sadly, in the time it took Bono to find his cheaters so he could get a good look at Miley’s retort (they were on top of his head), other people, including a spokesperson for the Joshua Tree National Park, took the time to let Miley know that bumping and grinding on protected plants was not the way.
I sometimes forget Miley Cyrus identifies as a queer person since the Bangerz days are behind her, and she looks like any other blonde Malibu chick who likes to hump on tall, hot dudes. Alas, it was back in 2015 when she first said she was pansexual, and in a new cover story, Miley says we best not be calling her a “L.U.G.” just because she’s married to Liam Hemsworth. A- there was no graduation, and B- their heterosexual love is New Age, dammit! It’s different from the plain ol’ boy-girl marriage it looks, sounds, and feels like!
Complex is reporting that the internet was not here for Billy Ray Cyrus’ recent social media postings. What was so controversial it got the people pissed off? His on-and-off-again wife Tish Cyrus posing with the best friend a girl could ask for: a giant Willie Nelson-sized amount of weed.
The Grammys red carpet always looks like an intergalactic space orgy sprinkled with a bunch of random rappers who just rolled out of bed with barely enough time to grab their grill from the bedside table thrown in for good measure. Every year, it’s a mess. Plus you’ve always got legitimate superstars mixed in with a whole lot whosits and whateverhappenedtos. This year’s Grammy red carpet was no exception. I’m trying to sift through some of these looks, and honestly don’t know where to begin.
Just because Mickey Mouse’s former bottom bitch Miley Cyrus got married last month doesn’t mean she immediately retired to a room to lay down and make babies with her husband Liam Hemsworth. Although, technically that would make her a fool since most people would take the entire year off just to spend all their time locked away with their legs wide open playing a perverted version of The Hunger Games with Liam called If You’re Hungry Eat This! Perhaps that’s just my fast ass, so pay me no mind. Miley shot down a rumor that she’s pregnant brought the most famous bitch on the planet into it.