Besides the fact that she gets to regularly take in the luminous sight of the delicate sleeping raccoon on Billy Ray Cyrus’ head, the only thing that makes me jealous of Miley Cyrus is that her godmother is Dolly Parton. The only way Miley could have a greater godmother is if GOD herself (yes, I said herself) was her godmother.
Miley has growled out her godmother’s song Jolene so many times that Jolene should press charges against the trick for stalking, and Dolly is featured on the song Rainbowland from her new album Younger Now. Miley decided to take her love and obsession for her godmother to the next level by dressed up as Dolly on The Tonight Show last night.
Potential raunchy VMA’s puppeteer, Miley Cyrus, is on the cover of superstar photographer David LaChapelle’s new photography book, Lost + Found. It looks like Miley was like, “Hey, Dave, remember back when I was hangin’ with The Flaming Lips and totally not doing (wink) all sorts of psychedelics and I released an album about dead pets? Can you make me look like what I envisioned I looked like back then? I know I actually looked more like a hippie raver that crawled out of the dirty ball pit in a about-to-be-closed-by the-health-department Chuck E. Cheese. But this is fantasy, y’all!”
She sorta looks like Tinkerbelle and Lisa Frank had a baby that grew up to be a mescaline-using nudist that listens to a lot of Stevie Nicks.
Even thought she looks like she’s flashing her nipples and bits, E! News sez that Miley wasn’t actually nekkid. She was wearing a sheer bodysuit that was decorated with Swarovski crystals. Frankly, I’m more into the Patsy Cline’s boyfriend drag she was sporting for that new video. It’s probably because crystal-encrusted vagina doesn’t have an effect on me, and I’m a sucker for a greasy pompadour.
Pic: David LaChappelle/TASCHEN
No, Miley Cyrus, NO! You leave those innocent puppets alone! It’s bad enough that poor foam hand was dragged into your VMA performance two years ago. Haven’t humanoid hand-operated fabric objects been through enough?
But still, it sounds like someone really wants to see Miley up on stage at the MTV VMA’s on Sunday doing not-right things with puppets. In a surprising twist, it’s not actually Miley Cyrus who is pushing for it.
Sometime in the past few days, nude photos of Tiger Woods, Lindsey Vonn, Katharine McPhee, Miley Cyrus, Kristen Stewart, and Stella Maxwell hit the internet. I’m not going to link any of the pics here (I’ll let you make that journey on your own if you’re so inclined). But here’s what you need to know: it was sort of like The Fappening, but this time with sports penis. That penis belongs to Tiger Woods, and TMZ says he’s beyond pissed that someone leaked a picture of his trouser iron onto the internet.
There’s a lot to like about Miley Cyrus‘ video for “Younger Now.” I made a list:
– There’s a puppet.
– She hangs out with what looks like an elderly, gender-fluid biker gang.
– She’s not naked on a wrecking ball.
– No one’s twerking.
– Her backup dancers are all of a certain age.
– The fact that no one’s twerking should be mentioned again.
– The Gravitron!
Last night at the Teen Choice Awards, Miley Cyrus was expected to take the stage to accept the Ultimate Choice Award which is reserved only for those most worthy of teen choosees. However, Miley pulled a last minute no-show to the shock and disappointment of thousands of teen choosers.