Category: Miley Cyrus

We Get It, Miley, You’re All Grown And Mature Now 

May 17, 2017 / Posted by:

Miley Cyrus spent her last two albums hammering into our brains the point that she’s no longer Hannah Montana or a bubble gum pop puppet and is now an oh-so-edgy, pasties-wearing, Bernie Sanders-supporting, hip hop-loving, glitter-queefing acid raver chipmunk. But now that she’s out there selling her new single Malibu and her new album, she’s hammering into our brains the point that she’s no longer a strap-on-wearing twerk-a-nator and is now a fresh-faced, beach hair-having easy listening chanteuse who is totally not offensive. You hear that, Trump supporters? It’s safe to #BuyMalibuOniTunes.

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Miley Cyrus Quit Weed But She Still Rolls Her Friends’ Joints

May 14, 2017 / Posted by:

Miley Cyrus is full-court-press with her new “Tammy Wynette meets straight-edge Squeaky Fromme” persona. She’s no longer using the hip-hop community as props. She’s no longer backing it up on Robin Thicke. SHE’S NO LONGER SMOKING WEED.

But, just because Miley has quit inhaling, doesn’t mean her friends won’t get high with a little help from her. Her will-power is iron and we know this, because she rolls their joints for them!

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Miley Cyrus Is All Country Now, You Hear

May 4, 2017 / Posted by:

Like a goth 7th grader who’s decided that being goth is stupid and it’s all about being an emo punk now, Miley Cyrus has grown from her twerking days and has replaced the marijuana pasties, rainbow clit cozies and purple horse tail butt plugs in her closet with Gunne Sax dresses, a banjo and cowboy boots. 90s MTV News reporter John Norris interviewed Miley for Billboard to promote her single Malibu, which comes out soon, and they talked about Trump, her weed sabbatical, her hate of manly manly men and her new singer-songwriter-y sound, which is totally different than John Mayer’s granola sound. Miley’s sound, look and tastes may have changed, but she’s still waaaaaaay cooler than everyone.

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Katy Perry Talked About Why She Cut Her Hair

March 6, 2017 / Posted by:

Last night, Katy Perry showed up to the iHeartRadio Music Awards with her hair cut into the edgier sister of the “Can I talk to your manager?” The most obvious reason for why she did it was probably because she got the hair-chopping itch some people get after breaking up with someone. But according to Katy Perry, that’s not why she did it. Katy wants to redefine femininity and also because she’s the Lena Dunham to Miley Cyrus’ Rihanna.

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Miley Cyrus Threw An N.W.A.-Themed Birthday Party For Liam Hemsworth, Noah Cyrus, And Wayne Coyne

January 16, 2017 / Posted by:

Miley Cyrus had three people in her life who were celebrating birthdays over this past week. Her little sister Noah Cyrus turned 18 on the 8th, and both her fiancé Liam Hemsworth and friend Wayne Coyne celebrated their birthdays on the 13th. Miley decided to save her stoner brain the trouble of remembering all those dates by rolling all three into one giant birthday party on Saturday.

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