Frances Bean Cobain’s husband of 21 months Isaiah Silva, seen above looking like he mutters about “Helter Skelter” a lot, is already trying to keep a guitar that belonged to her dad Kurt Cobain, and now he’s put his gear in full gold digger mode and is going all the way. People reports that Isaiah filed court documents demanding that Frances Bean make out a $25,000 check to him every single month for spousal support. Isaiah is claiming that he needs all that money to take care of his 7-year-old daughter from another relationship, and that Frances Bean coldly abandoned them, leaving them with nothing! If Isaiah doesn’t sadly shuffle into the court room with dirt on his face while singing “Where Is Love?” from Oliver!, I will totally be disappointed in his game.
“Hmmm, why did that plane just skywrite the words ‘Eat Shit And Die Trampber! Love Jhnnys Fmly’?”
The planet nearly experienced a 12.8 earthquake yesterday when everyone’s jaws hit the floor out of shock after finding out that Johnny Depp and Amber Heard’s marriage is done after 15 months. Nobody saw that coming, because look at the heat between them in that picture. You can feel it! Or maybe that heat is from his humid swamp pits and her fiery hot invisible devil horns. Yeah, that must be it.
Several sources tell TMZ that the precious union that gave hope to the future of the sanctity of marriage ended up sliding into the sewer, because Johnny’s family hated Amber more than his butt corn teeth hate the tingling feeling of toothpaste. The sources say that Johnny’s teenage daughter, his teenage son, his two sisters and his mom Betty Sue Palmer never liked Amber and weren’t quiet about it. They openly talked about how Amber treated Johnny like trash.
The Hoff isn’t exactly eating day old Wonder Bread and government cheese sandwiches on the floor because he can no longer afford cheeseburgers. TMZ says that thanks to that Baywatch, Knight Rider and True Survivor money, The Hoff brings in about $112,000 a month. But living like The Hoff isn’t cheap and he spends around $66,000 a month. That amount doesn’t include taxes, living expenses and the $21,000 a month he pays his ex-wife Pamela Bach. Once The Hoff is done paying everyone, he doesn’t have much money left, so he’s trying to cut off Pamela completely. Pamela is fighting him and wouldn’t you?! It’s either hassle The Hoff for that money, or get an actual job, or downgrade your Mercedes and filet mignon lifestyle to a Kia and Steak-umms lifestyle.
Jerry Hall and her super villain billionaire boo Rupert Murdoch announced a couple of days ago that they’re getting married this Saturday, but I guess these two crazy kids just couldn’t wait to legally bind their everlasting and genuine love. Because Jerry and Rupie officially got married today. They celebrated their new legal union by posing for photographers. This picture definitely warmed my no-heart, because Jerry Hall has glow about her. It’s the kind of glow that covers your face when the direct deposit from your job hits on Thursday night instead of Friday morning.
The BBC says that 59-year-old Jerry Hall and 84-year-old Rupert Murdoch got married in a civil ceremony at Spencer House in London today. It was just a ceremony to make things legal. Their big wedding ceremony will happen tomorrow at St. Brides church. Jerry and Rupie have only been pounding each other’s fuck parts for a few months and they got engaged around 7 weeks ago. I hope all of the drugstores in London are fully stocked with KY, because Rupert is going to tear his wife’s ass up tonight.
Jerry is now the real-life Bond villain’s fourth wife and Rupert is Jerry’s first husband since her marriage to Mick Jagger was declared null and void. Rupert has 6 children and Jerry has 4 children with Mick Jagger.
Because we’re all dead-hearted money-grubbing whores who don’t think that true love exists, we’re probably all wondering one thing: What about the prenup? Silly us! Jerry obviously married Rupert because she’s never felt a love like this before and she’d be with that demon frog even if his banks accounts were as empty as his soul. So I’m sure she proved that her love for him is genuine by signing a prenup that states she gets NOTHING! Or maybe when she was about to sign the prenup, she yelled, “Look! A giant Werther’s Original,” and as Rupert looked away, she quickly switched out the papers with papers that state she gets EVERYTHING!
Either way, congrats, you two love birds.
Pics: Getty, AP
Here’s the love birds at Vanity Fair’s Oscar party this past Sunday. Jerry’s chichis look magnificent. Being almost-married to a billionaire is doing wonders for them. Although, her chichis do kind of look like twin Rupert Murdoch heads. Why did I go and ruin it by saying that?
Everyone’s faith in pure organic love was restored in January when 59-year-old Jerry Hall and evil billionaire mogul 84-year-old Rupert Murdoch announced that they got engaged after 4 months of being together. We all figured that these two would have one of those long engagements and spend the next couple of years planning their perfect wedding. We also figured that Jerry Hall wouldn’t worry about making it legal right away and would just enjoy Rupert’s body pounding against her before busts a load of cum dust up into her. But these two are in a rush to become husband and wife. Reuters says that Jerry will become Rupert’s fourth wife and Rupert will become Jerry’s first husband at St. Bride’s Church in London this Saturday. They have already invited 150 guests. The marriage service will happen at St. Bride’s and the ceremony will be somewhere else.
“He will be having a service to celebrate the marriage,” Claire Seaton from St Bride’s told Reuters. She said the actual wedding ceremony would take place elsewhere.
If you’re hearing the repeated sound of a cocking of a gun (I said cocking of a gun), because you think this is a SHOT GUN situation (Ha. I wish!), then you’re mistaken. That sound you hear is the sound of a clock ticking away, because Rupert is 84 years old and Jerry is wasting no damn time. The last time Jerry got “married” was to Mick Jagger and the marriage was later declared null and void by the court because their ceremony wasn’t official. So when Jerry gets married to Australian Mr. Burns on Saturday, she better have a team of lawyers and Judge Fucking Judy at her side to make her it’s 100% valid.
Louis Tomlinson, the OshKosh B’gosh Luke Perry of One Direction, and his baby mother, Briana Jungwirth, have been fighting over $$$$$ ever since she gave birth to their son, Freddie Reign, a month ago. The Sun claimed that Louis and Briana worked out a child support agreement and that it was decided that he’ll drop $14,000 into her checking account every month for the next 18 years. But TMZ says that it ain’t so, and they’re still tussling over child support money. Briana wants more of it and Louis wants to pay her less. Tale as old as gold digger time….