Ex-NBA player and ex-Khloe Kardashian husband Lamar Odom is showing definite signs of improvement, according to various sources. TMZ is reporting that Lamar is experiencing “the best 24 hours he has had so far.” We can all agree that this is due to most of the Kardashians leaving the hospital, right? Who needs Lourdes (the town with the magical God fountain in France, not Madge’s daughter) when all you need is that fame whore trash taken out of your hospital room?
As you know, Odom was in a coma for four days after he was found knocked out at a brothel just outside of Pahrump, NV in Crystal. He’s recovering at Sunrise Hospital in Las Vegas.
Our future president Kanye West is everywhere. Go pee. Right now. I guarantee you he’ll be in your damn shower. Hopefully he didn’t bring that wife. In the latest It’s Yeezy’s World news, President Obama gave him some advice on running for POTUS, and Kanye showed up to American Idol.
In a momentous occasion (not really), Caitlyn Jenner allowed herself to be selfied with her ex Kris Jenner for the first time since her transition. Caitlyn’s step-irritant, worst-selling author Kim Kardashian, built an Instagram bridge between the two. You can almost see Pimp Mama Kris’ glistening intestine lips about to burst off her face due to the pressure-cooked jealous rage within.
Caitlyn is the epitome of grace and class (when she’s not killing people) and the gift of her photographic presence to Kris is an object lesson in generosity, or something. Because PMK has done little but try and destroy Caitlyn’s rebirth from the get-go. It didn’t work. And her ex looks more sumptuous in the mug and mop than she ever will! Eat it, hag!
Caitlyn extended her graciousness by hugging Kris goodbye after the party (see the vid below). Caitlyn went off to declare herself the new Queen of Social Media and Kris returned to the bubbling kauldron of hate she’s utilizing for a Satanic rite to voodoo Caitlyn from everyone’s collective memory.
This went down at Kylie Jenner’s first of too many 18th birthday celebrations at Nobu in Malibu yesterday. The whole klan was there. TMZ reports that Tyga bought his mature business woman/home-owner girlfriend Kylie Jenner a Mercedes-Benz SUV in cherry red. These girls must be a veritable party when they’re told “no.” (UPDATE from Michael: That custom G-wagon from Tyga was a recycled gift. It used to belong to his baby mother Blac Chyna. Awkward!)
Kanye West headlined the Glastonbury Festival on Saturday night, and British comedian Simon Brodkin bum-rushed the show as his “Lee Nelson” character. Instead of realizing he’s had this coming for a long time and playing along, Kanye acted like a gaping asshole. Which is not a character. He had security yank Brodkin away. He also demanded that the guy backstage who pushes the play button press pause so he could start “Black Skinhead” over again. Cut to a Scientology-approved yert in which Beck is nodding approvingly. Then cut over to Karlie Kloss’ hotel room where Taylor Swift is French-braiding Karlie’s hair and beginning every sentence with “Imma let you finish but Lee Nelson had…” before tee-hee-heeing.
“Lee Nelson” mimed that he was rapping during his brief appearance and those mere seconds were better than any performance that Kanye has ever given. There was more life, more soul, more spirit in Mr. Brodkin’s actions than in anything Kanye has ever done. Kanye realized this. Seeking validation, he later informed the crowd that they were “watching the greatest living rock star on the planet!” The definition of humble:
Glastonbury was equally problematic for Kim Kardashian West. Some resourceful youngster in the crowd made a flag depicting Kim Kardashian sucking off Ray J.
Finally! That sex tape that ruined all of our lives is useful.
Check out Kuntye and wife boarding a helicopter for the festival:
I’d go. Will you be in Oakland on June 30? Do you have $40 (is she for real)? Interested in hearing a woman whose initial bid for superstardom was getting railed in a sex tape speak on the objectification of women? Me, too! Head on down to the Paramount Theatre to listen to noted feminist activist Kim Kardashian speak on “her new book Selfish, the Kardashian Jenner clan, the business of millennial culture, the objectification of women in media, and more” in “Kim Kardashian West Live!” That title makes it sound like there will be backup dancers. If only.
According to People, it will be a “seminar/lecture” in which Kim will also speak on “monetizing” every single aspect of your life, from your Instagram feed to “um, wait, what’s her name? That thing that the au pair carries around? The one with whom I occasionally pose for photos? You know, they hand her over to me, I lift her, smile and look maternal (HAH), and then I pass her off…? You know, the one Anna Wintour hissed at? NORTH WEST! That’s him. Her? Her. Yeah, her.”
Monetize your child! Monetize your ass! Monetize your narcissism! And do it in the clothes your husband has instructed you to wear!
Check out more absolutely inspiring pics of Kim leaving an Italian restaurant in Calabasas, CA in the gallery below.
A serene-looking Kim Kardashian kept her kulo klassy at the BET Honors last night. By “klassy,” I mean her husband didn’t have her serve that ass up like two greased n’ shiny hogs gone fetal per usual. Instead, Yeezus stuffed her into a dark-sided frock that made her look like Bore-ticia Addams.
It’s refreshing (I guess) to be able to see Kim’s sex ferret face not being eclipsed by her donk, but that’s a weird dress. Yes, I’m sure it’s considered to be the finest couture, but man, do these two try too hard. I know she’s never said no to anything (exploitation, watersports, her mother pinning her soul down with the Ajanti Dagger in a magic circle for Satan to come collect), but someone tell her she can! Eff his delusions of Kunty Karl! You can contain the ass in a palatable way, Kimmy. Coats or something, right? I don’t know, my shirt is from Target.
And how come every time I see these two out and about (and that’s a lot), their baby is nowhere to be found? Yes, this is a “red carpet” situation, but I’m talking in general. Don’t tell me it’s some sort of “keeping the kid away from the paps” situation, either. Just call it a day and change that kid’s name to “Who?” already.
Check out more pics of Kim and Kanye at the BET Honors at the Warner Theatre in Washington, DC below.
Photo credit: WENN and Splash